10 years of love

[lostsoul1983]

I really need some advice.



10 years ago. I met a guy, we fell in love, and had a really intense relationship. We were at uni together. We literally kept fighting, but stayed together for a 1 and half. Then we split up. I got with someone else and so did he. A lot of bad thing we both did, but we had a lot of good times.



When I became single again, after several months, he was there and we got back together again.



Now my problem is, we both knew we wouldn’t end up getting married. There is far too much damage that has been cause in our relationship.



However 10 years on, we are still meeting each other. Last time I saw him was 15th March, but before that I saw him 5 months ago, and before that it was several years ago.



Everytime we meet, it’s the same thing, He is really awkward at the start, we always bring stuff up from the past, which then ends up with me doing the same, and we end up fighting. We act like a couple, kiss hold hands and I tend to sleep in the same bed as him, but I don’t let him sleep with me. He always tries to have sex, but I don’t allow it. Every time we meet our memories are mentioned. Our mention the good times, and he mentions the bad. I understand I hurt him, and I have asked him many times to forgive me. What he doesn’t understand is how much he hurt me as well, and when He goes on about how he got hurt, I then tell him how I got hurt, and he denies he did anything!



This is now been happening for ten years. I love him dearly, but what is going on. Every time I am with him feels so right, but then I leave and I feel like I have just broken up with him. I am on a high, but then the come down is when I leave.



I don’t know how he feels about me. He tells me I need to get married, I should start looking for someone, and he can help me with it! Then he holds my hand, and we are cuddling?! What should I do?

Should I stop meeting him, even though we hardly see each other?

[basilandthyme]

You've known him for 10 years.....why are you not able to ask him how he feels?

[IndiReloaded]

This is really dysfunctional. Not sure what to say. If you like each other as friends, then go ahead and meet for coffee. Lots of exes do. But the whole sleeping together but not thing... just f-d up. Stop leading him on. Have some boundaries.

[lostsoul1983]

I have asked him how he feels, and he just clams up.

Also we are not sleeping together in the sense of sex, we are just sleeping in the same bed.

We rarely meet, but it messes up with my head when we do.

- - - Updated - - -

Anyone, advice????

[IndiReloaded]

I have asked him how he feels, and he just clams up.
- - - Updated - - -

Anyone, advice????

We gave you advice. What else do you want to be told? That its okay to screw with the feelings of a guy who is clearly still into you?

Its not. Stop sleeping in the same bed together. I have male friends. We don't do this. Grow up.

[lostsoul1983]

Wow. You are being nasty for no reason.

He ASKED me to stay, and we are not friends we are ex's

[HeartIsAching]

Sorry no... she's being blunt, not nasty and it's for a reason.

[lostsoul1983]

Telling me to grow up is just blunt is it? How am i being childish, am i.missing something!

[mollymari]

So, ten years on and your still in each others lives, he tells you to get married, find some one else and that he can help you with this? huh... Interesting.
How many other relationships have you two had aside from each other this past decade?

That's a long time to know someone with whom your intimate with yet unable to share deep feelings with. YOu say you can't tell him how your feeling. Why on Earth not?
Dear Lady, sounds like you need input from him to make your choice and your the only one who can get that input as it were.
One must be honest.

This does sound unhealthy though; a decade and still all the questions, the doubts, huh. Do you want to be with him full time? Are you sleeping with him when he has a girlfriend or you boyfriend? Sounds messy and unfair on all involved even without the other significant others. Yup, time to p_ss or get off the pot so to speak. YOu owe it to yourself and him to make a solid move either towards or away. Don't let yourself get too wrapped up in daydreams. If your not feeling it, move on . If you are feeling it, for goodness sake, tell him.
good luck

[IndiReloaded]

Telling me to grow up is just blunt is it? Am i.missing something!

Yes ...

[somehelp4me]

Why is he telling you you need to get married and he'll help you find someone why doesn't he see himself as your someone after ten years ask him that, and his answer might be enough to end this and move on.