Advice please!

[raetaylor]

So there's this guy that I've known for a while now. When we first met, he was like my best friend, always there for me when I needed him, and he always gave me the best advice. I tried to keep it that way because I know that he's with someone and they have a family. I've actually done my best to keep him at a distance. But over the past year, he's trying to get closer to me. He will go out of his way to make sure I'm okay, offers to fix my car for me(for free, even though the repair was almost a thousand dollar job at any garage), and constantly comes to me whenever he has a problem with his relationship.

I'm in a relationship as well, but it's kind of complicated(and open, so my boyfriend doesn't care about the interactions I have with this guy), the guy is extremely jealous whenever I bring him up though. I can't ask him for any advice regarding my relationship without him calling my boyfriend names. My problem is that when I try to talk to him about anything involving the two of us, he always gives me the generic "I love my girlfriend" answer. I don't know if that's because he actually does, or if he's trying to avoid any conflict because his actions with me say different. I really don't know if I'm over analyzing this or not, it just feels like something has changed between us and I can't put my finger on it.

I know his girlfriend has a problem with me, she's told my friends that she's worried about how he looks at me differently than he does her. That she sees me as a threat, but the way I look at him isn't in that way(at least I don't think it is). I don't want to be a threat to her. I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I sit him down and talk to him seriously? Or am I just crazy and this is absolutely nothing?

[Johnagape]

I think you should carefully reconsider your relationships and get a clear idea of what you want in a relationship. Both your relationships; with your boyfriend and with your friend do not sound healthy.

You have an open relationship with your boyfriend. That is fine for you and him and any other people you have relationships with who feel the same way.

However this is not the case with your friend. He is obviously not in an open relationship with his girlfriend. Your relationship with him is damaging his relationship with his girlfriend.

Maybe the one who should get out of a relationship is your friend's girlfriend. You friend is emotionally two timing his girlfriend. Even if you and him have not slept together, his behavior is tantamount to cheating emotionally.

I don't think your friend is honest and I think there will be some hurt souls if this continues. You will also likely be hurt.

Why don't you take a break from boyfriends for a while, reflect on what you want in life and meet a man who wants to share his life with you. It is easy to make unnecessary mistakes early in life that we then live with for the rest of our lives.

[basilandthyme]

I noticed that this time you've posted you conveniently left out the fact that you want a casual fling with this guy.

You ARE a threat to this man's girlfriend and she has every reason to despise you. While you have every right to have an open relationship, that right does not include fvcking another woman's man.

[raetaylor]

I noticed that this time you've posted you conveniently left out the fact that you want a casual fling with this guy.

Actually, if I remember correctly, I said if anything ever happened with him, it would be casual. Never did I once EVER say I wanted a casual fling with him. And actually, here's my exact post from that.

I'm open with my boyfriend about this guy. He knows all about this situation.
And she does know. She sees me as a threat and pretty much public enemy number one. She's pulled my best friend aside a couple times and said she hates how he looks at me, because it's how he used to look at her and he never looks at her like that anymore. Which is kinda sad in and of itself.
I'd never leave my bf for him. If anything happened with him it'd be casual.

[Smila]

I fore see a lot of hurt.
The woman is obviously threatened by you...and she is right because she sees it in his eyes.

The only way to solve this is to TALK TO HIM DIRECTLY.....if he tries to evade the issue, CUT HIM OFF!! except you are enjoying the perks of being close to him...ala..freebies and the emotional connection. It is not healthy, because you are ruining another woman's life because of your action (or inaction).
The guy is not acting right (he may think he is hiding it, but everyone knows) because he is drunk with you. He wants you, but he does not have the balls to leave his woman for you (to avoid being the "bad guy"). all he is doing is keeping you close till he breaks up with his GF and then he can come for you.

As i said earlier, if you don't like the whole shebang, seriously talk to him about his actions and their consequences. If he evades/acts defensively, CUT ALL TIES TO HIM.

in the end, you will feel better...with more self worth....