Need your wisdom

[fearoflove]

A question for the older folks with experience:

If you get to choose between two guys. You are more attracted to Guy A, but Guy B has been your friend for years and has put forth more effort to help you. Which one should you go for? My head tells me I should go for Guy B who I am mildly attracted to but I don't want to be with a person that I am not extremely attracted to. I keep thinking about Guy A. Or, should I just be single and wait for the love of my life to show up who has both of those qualities: attraction and support. But that may take a long time and he might not even show up at all.

- - - Updated - - -

Some guys game is too good. Damn it. Even being aware of it isn't helping me resist him.

[surfhb2]

Too vague How old are you?

[smiling100]

I've been in your position. Sounds like a good problem but I was torn both times. It was horrible.

Girl A I was attracted to more, it was very physical & she was mysterious. Girl B was the sensible choice, we had lots in common & got on really well but the physical attraction was not as high.

Needless to say I lost both of them. I was so confused.

My problem was I was to honest & felt guilty about dating one without the other one knowing. Even though I wasn't exclusive to any of them I told them the truth & both their attitudes changed & they eventually said see you later.

Ended up with nothing just lots of regret.

In hindsight i'm totally over Girl A & don't feel anything for her at all, zero. If I ever saw her again i'd feel nothing. It wouldn't of lasted after the physical lost it's impact. Girl B I still have lots of regret & miss her lots. I know she has moved on.


If this happens again I am going to be selfish & date both & get to know them & put myself first.

[fearoflove]

Too vague How old are you?

Old enough to be looking for someone to get married to or serious relationship.

[surfhb2]

Old enough to be looking for someone to get married to or serious relationship.

Which is it? They're are both very different.

When you're in a serious, long term relationship or marriage, there's going to come a time when the giddy feelings you have over physical attraction just arent the same. In other words, physical attraction is a small part of a huge equation. Thats why I asked you your age?

You sound like youre around 20 or so.

[IndiReloaded]

My problem was I was to honest & felt guilty about dating one without the other one knowing. Even though I wasn't exclusive to any of them I told them the truth & both their attitudes changed & they eventually said see you later.

Ended up with nothing just lots of regret.

No, you ended up with self-respect. That's not nothing. You'd be surprised how much that story will gain you points with your future dates.

Ditch your future plan. That makes you an ass and won't work out well.

[smiling100]

No, you ended up with self-respect. That's not nothing. You'd be surprised how much that story will gain you points with your future dates.

Ditch your future plan. That makes you an ass and won't work out well.

I wish I could agree with you as I also ended up for the first time in my life on anti-depressants & benzo's to sleep. Lost 10kg's / 25 pounds & my self confidence.

Today i'm still on anti-depressants. I have still not forgiving myself for losing Girl B. She was really into me & I know she has well & truly moved on.

Even my own mother said I was to honest!

Nice guys finish last i'm afraid.

I am Not prepared to take the chance & go through that sort of pain again. I've never been the same person since.

[somehelp4me]

Guy A, don't ruin the relationship with Guy B, he is a friend and could be one for life and only mildly attracted to sounds like settling to me.

[fearoflove]

Guy A, don't ruin the relationship with Guy B, he is a friend and could be one for life and only mildly attracted to sounds like settling to me.

But Guy A isn't so ready for commitment. I fear that if I don't settle for guys like Guy B, in a few years, the decent guys would be taken.

[smiling100]

But Guy A isn't so ready for commitment. I fear that if I don't settle for guys like Guy B, in a few years, the decent guys would be taken.

Same for me Girl A wasn't so ready for commitment either. That makes you want them more.

I knew I had Girl B & that made them less attractive.

Personally i'd be going Guy B.

Look at it this way if you choose Guy A there is a chance you will lose both. Guy B sounds like a keeper.



Just my opinion. I'd hate it if you had to go through what I went through.

Good luck

[fearoflove]

It is a hard decision. I do desire something more passionate. Damn it. I would have been completely satisfied with Guy B a few years ago before I dated a string of ridiculously hot men which raised my standards in terms of physicality.

[OrangeSun]

Learn from that mistake. I am the Girl B and the one I love is going for the other. And I know though that the one I love will regret it foreverif I'm not chosen soon I do not know how long I can handle being alone and waiting

[smiling100]

It is a hard decision. I do desire something more passionate. Damn it. I would have been completely satisfied with Guy B a few years ago before I dated a string of ridiculously hot men which raised my standards in terms of physicality.

Sounds like more & more like my situation.

Girl A for me physically was perfection & sexually she knew what she was doing, we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

Remember looks do fade & it's the person you want to end up with.

God I wish I knew what I do now!!!!

[fearoflove]

So I really should go for the good guy and fantasize about the hot guy?

[Kromat83]

So I really should go for the good guy and fantasize about the hot guy?

you have to go after the guy that is right for you, and is on the same level as you are in terms of where you both are headed.

It has to be a nice transition, from one step to another.

The hot guy is just a fantasy like you say, he could be great on the exterior, but what
does he have to offer internally, and what type of mindset does he have ?

I personally would rather go after an average looking good, if she likes
to be active and our personalities fit each other a lot better.

Girls or guys that get lots of attention, makes it too easy for them, and they
don't care what happens, but enjoy the ride and move onto the next.

There's very few model type individuals, that are worthy candidates of commitment,
just get to know that person longer, and you'll come to realize what type they are,
and which will work for you long term.