What happens after casual sex with a guy?

[haxan]

Umm..he gets horny, he gets in touch. He gets laid, he's good for awhile. Not sure what you're not really understanding here. If he wanted anything more to do with you, he would. If the sex was anything other than average, you'd hear from him more. Pretty simple stuff, try to find something else to do and someone else to do it with.

[fearoflove]

Guys like to pull away and regain their autonomy. It is in their nature. Let him and don't bug him about it. He might even be testing you to see how much you need him. If he finds out that you are really needy, he will be turned off. Just let him be by himself and come to you when he is ready.

[homieg]

Not sure what you're not really understanding here. If he wanted anything more to do with you, he would. If the sex was anything other than average, you'd hear from him more. Pretty simple stuff, try to find something else to do and someone else to do it with.

Obviously he was under the impression it was casual so he went for it.

True, but I felt that if he thought it was casual he wouldn't have said things like he missed me, he liked talking to me, he wanted to make me happy, and felt like he was bugging me cuz he talked to me SO MUCH and I was always busy. I ignored him one night, when he was out drinking (and he gets real emotional when he drinks) and he tweeted "I hate the world, i hate myself etc", he told me he didn't feel so positive about himself, and was really upset, felt like I didn't want to talk to him.

I know, I know you guys are going to say he only said these things because he wanted to get into my pants, and I thought this too-- which is why I pulled away from him. But i can't help but feel uncertain.

I am probably just making excuses for him but I am trying to justify myself with you guys. I'm really grateful for hearing your 2 cents and stuff, but I needed to make things clear for everyone how confused I am/was. It's also really hard to let go when different people give me different advice.

[galaxyman]

Is he a player? If yes, then you might be one of the girls he sees regularly. If not, then it's hard to gage. You need to talk to him.

[Johnagape]

Homieg, I would suggest leave this guy and think through what you want in a relationship with a man. If you want a relationship with some meaning, then next time avoid having sex until he shows commitment. Not merely says, but shows.

If you meet guys for sex, then don't expect that things will always go great. Many prostitutes look gross, yet there are men who pay money to sleep with them. Being willing to hop into bed with a guy quickly is not a good way to build up your self esteem.

As I said, if you want a meaningful relationship with a man in the future, then first get to know the man within. Then explore the outside.

As for this present guy. Well. As a man I would say it's not worth the effort to pursue this relationship. Drop him. Forget him.

[michelle23]

homieg it is about these confusing things called love and lust and how they get mixed up in the male brain. Actually men have two brains: one above the shoulders, and the other dangling between their legs. In some guys they only have enough blood to feed one brain at a time. You women have it all together up top. We men don't even have the connections between the brain halves in our skull that you women have.

When a guy is attracted to a girl he naturally thinks sex. If there is no sex, then the two can start bonding as in soul to soul. This is infatuation that leads to love. If the girl waits until the guy is committed (in behavior, not just that he says so) before there is sex, then the bonding process works great.

However if that bonding has not happened and the girl is willing to have sex, then the male brain is still in sex mode and the girl becomes a sex object. So after the act, she is not a person, but a trophy. It might not be a conscious thought, but there is a bit of the been-there-done-that. And so he does a disappearing act.

When someone says that they have fallen out of love, it is seldom true. We fall out of lust, and we fall out of infatuation. But seldom do we fall out of love.

If you are looking for a more permanent relationship, I would suggest to take it easy with sex. Let the relationship develop first. If the guy loses interest, let him go, he was not interested in a relationship anyway. Don't take it personally, you deserve someone better.

A relationship that lasts is built on both wanting the relationship because they want to be with the other PERSON. Then the sex is an enhancement in the relationship.

Relationships that fail are often when the guy is in the relationship for sex and the girl has sex to have a relationship. It's kind of unbalanced then.

I completely disagree with this too. It is a scientific fact that most men (particularly men in their mid twenties) fall in love faster than women do even more so when sex is involved. What you said above only applies if the guy is emotionally unavailable (issues) and the exact same thing applies to emotionally unavailable women.

OP if this guy hasnt had sex for years before you then it likely meant something to him to as hes obviously not a player and you have known each other for ages so he already liked you before you slept together. Hes probably just as confused as you are. Just tell him what you want. Do you want to date him? If yes tell him you have feelings for him and see what he says. You have nothing to lose

[jakebrown]

I think this guy is not a reliable, stay away to him.

[Johnagape]

Interesting. Two women disagree with me quite strongly.

This is an "Ask a Male" section. The purpose is for women to ask men what they think and from the varied answers given, get a better understanding of men in general.

There are supposed to be different male opinions. We are quite a varied lot, we males, men, guys, blokes, or whatever you wish to call us.

There is also a context. The question was about men who have sex and then disappear. Why do these men do that?

I answered from my life-long experience of being a male.

If your male friends are physics students chatting in the cafeteria of your local university physics department, together with you and a few other female students, they are likely to chat about certain subjects. They are also very likely to refrain from bringing up more, should we say, colourful subjects. I speak from experience.

If however there is a group of lumberjacks sitting on a log having a tea-break on a Friday morning, after having been isolated in the forest for a week, and they are going home for the week-end, then there will be a TOTALLY different conversation. VERY different topics. Rather more colourful than the chat in the physics department. Once again I speak from experience.

There is a section on this forum titled: "Ask a Female."

[HeartIsAching]

I think he's just keeping you on the back burner for the occasional booty call.

[bekho]

Wow.
. girls and guys really don't understand each other at all.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[michelle23]

Interesting. Two women disagree with me quite strongly.

This is an "Ask a Male" section. The purpose is for women to ask men what they think and from the varied answers given, get a better understanding of men in general.

There are supposed to be different male opinions. We are quite a varied lot, we males, men, guys, blokes, or whatever you wish to call us.

There is also a context. The question was about men who have sex and then disappear. Why do these men do that?

I answered from my life-long experience of being a male.

If your male friends are physics students chatting in the cafeteria of your local university physics department, together with you and a few other female students, they are likely to chat about certain subjects. They are also very likely to refrain from bringing up more, should we say, colourful subjects. I speak from experience.

If however there is a group of lumberjacks sitting on a log having a tea-break on a Friday morning, after having been isolated in the forest for a week, and they are going home for the week-end, then there will be a TOTALLY different conversation. VERY different topics. Rather more colourful than the chat in the physics department. Once again I speak from experience.

There is a section on this forum titled: "Ask a Female."

Lol you dont think us females have those same colorful conversations away from you guys? Men and women are not that different. Were not aliens

And I still think this guy is interested in OP. Hes just as confused as she is and too much of an insecure, shy to twit to ask her out coz he fears rejection.

[HeartIsAching]

There is a section on this forum titled: "Ask a Female."

Nobody pays attention to that shit here.

Get over yourself.

[homieg]

Okay.

I'll update you guys since there seems to be a lot of conflict.

I cleared everything up with him once and for all.

> He is not a player, he did not use me for sex, Heartisaching is right, he hasn't had sex in a while and we've been friends.
> I told him I felt that our friendship was moving to more than that and thats why I slept with him, he agrees that we were moving forward, and he was interested in me.
> When he was chasing me he felt that I pulled away (I was scared he was only chasing me for sex. He assured me he didn't), so he pulled away as well. he wasn't sure how I felt.
> After sex, he was distant, and when I confronted him about it, and asked him if he was interested in me or not, he told me that he rarely sees me anymore so he's not sure. I left him be.
> He would flutter in and out and seem interested, and then suddenly not so I called him out again, and told him he confuses me, and that I needed some time by myself to think things through. He said he would like to see me more, but I still took my few days.
> I had a think about it and thought I would pursue it since he told me he's interested finally. When I came back he said he'd thought about his actions and there was a reason for them and he wants to stay friends. ((Oh hi im into you, lets get your hopes up- oh wait no im not soz oops lol))

SO He wasn't sure how he felt about me so he was inactive about it all, and he kept it in the back burner and didnt want to resolve it or think about it. (Which is why he would flutter in and out and not say anything about it). He told me it doesn't feel the same with us now. It feels different. He doesn't know what it is but it feels different. I told him it was probably the unspoken beef between us, the confusion and he said it wasn't that. He was going to pursue it before but now it doesn't feel right. It's been two months since I've seen him and he admitted he hasn't tried to set anything up because of one reason or another.

So he was confused. Probably gradually lost interest, he just didn't want to deal with it and sort his feelings out-- as a result, confusing me and sending me into an emotional rollercoaster.

We were both interested in each other as more than just a friend, it's just it didn't work out that way and I'm not sure why. He didn't specifically say that he's not interested in me he just says it feels different. What does that mean?

Either way I have to get over him now. I'm glad I got closure. It's just a little part of me wants to go for it again in the long distant future. Someone tell me its not a good idea.

[michelle23]

Its not a good idea. You should cut contact with him. Dont be friends anymore. Thats the only way to really heal. And start dating someone else. He will regret letting you go

[smackie9]

Wow.
. girls and guys really don't understand each other at all.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

It's not that they don't understand each other, it's that they have different expectations.

- - - Updated - - -

He isn't confused, he didn't want to look like a douche so he came up with some bs that you wanted to hear, realizing it wasn't getting him out of it, so he fluttered some more, and then finally backed off. He wasn't interested in anything more that casual, and he was under the impression that was all it was until you started in at him that you were expecting more.

Tip: next time keep your legs closed. Having sex isn't how you get a guy to commit to a relationship. You f ucked up.