What happens after casual sex with a guy?

[homieg]

My previous experience is that when you sleep with a guy and if he was only after sex, he would just disappear.

Having said this, I slept with this guy I've been friends with for a year and afterwards he kept talking to me and acted very clingy. Either he wanted something more or he wanted to have sex again. I did (have sex again), and then afterwards he did the whole ~ slowly disappearing ~ thing where he'd gradually not talk and become distant. I asked him what's wrong, he'd just say he's busy. I saw him at a club and it seemed like he was avoiding me. So I guess he got what he wanted, he doesn't want more, maybe he needed space who knows.

But now he still keeps texting me. He'd just hit me up and act like he never disappeared on me. He doesn't talk to me for (max) 2 or 3 days then texts me.

A guy please explain to me his actions and why he's doing these things cuz it's confusing me, and what should I do. I know I can ignore him though I can't seem to let it go because i didnt get closure, so I kinda want to confront him but not sure if it's a good idea. My guy friends say that he must like me if he is still talking to me, but is just confused / doesn't know what to do, but what is the difference with this and just stringing me along?

[basilandthyme]

Here's an idea: how about talking with him. Tell him that you're finding the whole situation confusing and would really like to clarify what's going on.

[asdfg789]

my guess is you are one of his several booty calls ...

[homieg]

my guess is you are one of his several booty calls ...

Maybe, he did tell me it had been 2/3 years since he's had sex when we did it so I'm not sure if he has any luck with ladies.

As for talking to him, I'm not sure how to bring this up (I have 0 social skills when it comes to this and i am just terrible), and I ///KNOW/// it's the only way to know for sure, but the only method i can is through text (as we don't talk everyday anymore, it would be sus if I just asked him to hang out out of the blue), and texting about these things seem.. inappropriate.

Should I just full on go "we've been weird lately, what's been going on" ? or...?

I need a life coach or something lol.

[pcmaster]

I think he likes you just guy dont seem to be reliable type.

[homieg]

I think he likes you just guy dont seem to be reliable type.

What makes you think this? :/

[dem862]

Sometimes a guy likes to have sex and then realizes he has nothing in common with the chick and gets a little repulsed that he was so attracted to her so he pulls away for a while and then gets horny again and the cycle continues.

[Johnagape]

homieg it is about these confusing things called love and lust and how they get mixed up in the male brain. Actually men have two brains: one above the shoulders, and the other dangling between their legs. In some guys they only have enough blood to feed one brain at a time. You women have it all together up top. We men don't even have the connections between the brain halves in our skull that you women have.

When a guy is attracted to a girl he naturally thinks sex. If there is no sex, then the two can start bonding as in soul to soul. This is infatuation that leads to love. If the girl waits until the guy is committed (in behavior, not just that he says so) before there is sex, then the bonding process works great.

However if that bonding has not happened and the girl is willing to have sex, then the male brain is still in sex mode and the girl becomes a sex object. So after the act, she is not a person, but a trophy. It might not be a conscious thought, but there is a bit of the been-there-done-that. And so he does a disappearing act.

When someone says that they have fallen out of love, it is seldom true. We fall out of lust, and we fall out of infatuation. But seldom do we fall out of love.

If you are looking for a more permanent relationship, I would suggest to take it easy with sex. Let the relationship develop first. If the guy loses interest, let him go, he was not interested in a relationship anyway. Don't take it personally, you deserve someone better.

A relationship that lasts is built on both wanting the relationship because they want to be with the other PERSON. Then the sex is an enhancement in the relationship.

Relationships that fail are often when the guy is in the relationship for sex and the girl has sex to have a relationship. It's kind of unbalanced then.

[homieg]

^That is a very well thought out answer, thanks, that makes me understand things a lot better...

..I talked to him the other day and asked him what was going on between us and he said he's not sure... He said, regardless, he still counts me as a closer friend, and he pulled away because he didn't know how I felt and I was hard to read. And that's fair enough, cuz I was giving him mixed signals because I wasn't sure where I stood with him, and I pulled away because I was confused and frustrated and because he was too, so it looks like we were both doing it...?

I asked him how he felt about me too, and he says that when we're together he has fun and everything but "thats as far as I've thought about these things because it's hard to think about it" ???

I don't even know what that means?

I don't know where to go from here? I told him I did wanted to see him more, but I'm not even sure I got an answer to that since everything was so jumbled. idk what do you guys think

[basilandthyme]

For what it's worth, I strongly disagree with Johnagape's stereotype of men doing a disappearing act if they get sex quickly. Sure, there are some men which don't, but as a woman, I can tell you that there are a significant amount of exceptions to the rule. Men can and do bond even if they've had sex early. My hubby of 20 years started out as a one night stand...and a few of my friends and their husbands started out the same way

I disagree with his stereotype of women having it together up top. I can tell you that my vagina has completely taken over my brain on more than one occasion.

I disagree that a person can't fall out of love. Yes, love and lust can be mistaken and we can fall out of lust. But if we've been with a person for long enough for the lust to have faded to love.....and then that person acts in a way undeserving of our love, then yes, the love can end.

That being said, I do agree that if a partner loses interest, let them go. And if it seems that you're just a convenience to a guy, also let them go. Learn to say "no"

[homieg]

I can tell you that my vagina has completely taken over my brain on more than one occasion.

My life.

// from what he said to me, do you think he lost interest? It just seems like we were both pulling away because we were both confused...

[Johnagape]

Hi again Homieg. From what you have said here, I would leave this guy and let him go. While you are focused on one guy who may be a waste of time (and I think that's the case here) you risk missing a good guy who you can have a good relationship with. Someone who really appreciates you.

Just a thought. Do you feel you want a boyfriend or do you feel you need a boyfriend? If you want a boyfriend then all is well. Let some time go to have closure with this chap you are talking about here, and then move on. How long time is something only you can feel. Try and be self aware and when you feel you are comfortable with him out of your system, then it's OK to move on to a better person, more in tune with you.

However, if you feel you need a boyfriend then you should spend some time finding self confidence and learning to love yourself for who you are. Go to the Mind & Body Forums section on this forum for a start. When you feel confident in yourself and don't need somebody, then you are ready to go and get the right guy. There is also the possibility that you meet the jewel, the guy who gives you that self-esteem and confidence.

Either way I think this chap is not the one.

[homieg]

Hi again Homieg. From what you have said here, I would leave this guy and let him go. While you are focused on one guy who may be a waste of time (and I think that's the case here) you risk missing a good guy who you can have a good relationship with. Someone who really appreciates you.

I understand, and this is what I've been thinking lately too. I've focused so much emotional energy and time on him and I'm just wondering if it's worth it all. I've put him on a pedestal. It's very (very) hard for me to find someone I even like so I'm holding onto him because he is the most amazing guy i've met so far, and I'm scared I won't find anyone else as good as him. This is very cliche, and of course I would, but right now it feels like this, ever since I met him a year and a half ago...

As for the boyfriend stuff, I haven't really thought about it... All I ever really wanted (from him) was security-- knowing what I am to him, acknowledging we are more than friends, acknowledging there may or may not be a future, getting to know each other more romantically. That's what I want, to date him and figure out where it goes.

I'm not sure as to what I'm going to do with him yet though. I don't know. I think he is confused, and doesn't know how he feels about me. How do men usually process these things? I feel like it's easy. > you want to see me or you don't. I'm not asking him to marry me. He also (passive aggressively) tweeted exactly at the time when I was talking to him,, "I hate worrying about the future, 'cause all my ****ing problems are based around the past." << they're lyrics, but idk.

Anyways, I've told him I'm interested in seeing him more. I think the ball is in his court. I don't know...

Once i start to convince myself that I should let it go, something in my head goes "what if..."

i dont know. i'm so confused. I flutter between "letting go mode" to "there's a chance" mode, and its confusing him too i think i dont know.

[Johnagape]

I think you are right in saying the ball is in his court now. It is difficult and painful to break a relationship.

If you give him space to think, maybe he will show you which way to go.

About the what if. If he has baggage from his past that he does not want to deal with then he will bring that into your relationship. Do you want to deal with that, or would you like the chance of starting with someone without that baggage?

[smackie9]

There is nothing to be confused here. You were friends, you hung out together, you slept together a few times, you wanted more, he didn't. End of.

Obviously he was under the impression it was casual so he went for it. When he realized you were pullin him in for a relationship, he backed off. So it turns out is was a misunderstanding. Don't bother talking to him, he isn't going to come right out and say he was in it for the sex. No guy will so save your breath.

Tip: spreading your legs is not the way to find a relationship or will make you GF material.