Personal Boundaries 101

[violet11]

I've posted a few times lately about establishing personal boundaries. This question is related to boundaries in friendships.

I'm currently visiting the States, staying with a friend who I previously only knew online. (We were both part of an online community and communicated for nearly a year before I came over here). She's a sweet heart, but in person she is draining and hard work.

In the past I would have overcompensated for her silence by talking and asking her a ton of questions to make her feel comfortable, but I don't want to do that, so I'm trying to be myself.

The problem is that she's being a little hostile to me on occasion. I have my projected theories about why this might be, but they're irrelevant. The point is that I feel uncomfortable here.

I am totally prepared to move out into the city, but at the same time I don't know if I should be trying to enforce a boundary instead of just leaving? I always just leave situations, without telling someone that something is bothering me.

Is this a case of being more direct, or being more intuitive about the situations I get myself into? If it's the former, how can I express that I don't feel comfortable without assigning blame?

[basilandthyme]

If she's being hostile, then she's probably as uncomfortable in the situation as you are. You may find that she feels a sense of relief if you move to the city.

[violet11]

Well, I brought it up yesterday (that I was thinking of moving), and she looked upset. We're actually getting on well, but I get the sense that she wants more from me than I am prepared to give, and staying with her I feel indebted in some way…. But I don't know if these are just my personal issues.

I'm just trying to figure out if leaving is the right option, or the easy option...

[dem862]

I have a friend that comes to visit once a year for a couple of weeks. I count the days until he is gone. It's not that I don't like him. I would just be that way with anybody that cramps my style for more than a day or two.