First date since breakup 4 months ago!!!

[smiling100]

Hi guys!!

So, tonight I will go on my first date since my last relationship. I have not been in contact with her since we parted ways & by chance I saw her today since the first time since December & she looked happy, it cut me up knowing she has obviously moved on. I'm pretty sure she is seeing some one new (She is not the type that can be single for to long).

Thing is, I don't FEEL ready to date even though I want to date! I like the idea of getting dressed up, flirting and just getting out there being myself again but I am terrified of getting into a relationship.

I have met some nice girls since it ended, but, I was so wrapped up in my ex that I wasn't even nervous or worried about what they thought.

I feel so weird going on this date tonight. I don't want to be romantically/physically involved with anyone yet. But, I would be happy for something to develop overtime. Like, maybe become friends and see where it goes. I don't even feel like having sex so she is safe from me coming onto her hot & heavy!!! lol

Honestly, why am I doing this? Well for the past 17 weekends I have sat home & done nothing apart from feel sorry for myself. All my friends are hooked up & just sit at home every weekend with their babies. I don't really want to do this but the other option is sit on the couch by myself. I feel under pressure to do this as I need to move on fully from ex. She is seeing someone so maybe I should try do the same. Maybe I could like this girl???

I guess this should be on the dating section but I am still so caught up with the break up that it feels better here.....

Anyone else feel the same??

[TheEvilJester]

I guess it depends, really. If you are really, truly not ready, then you probably shouldn't force yourself back out there. You just run the risk of somebody liking you more than you are ready to deal with yet.

On the other hand, it actually may be good for you. It is very possible that getting back out there is exactly what you need to finally realize that there will be somebody else for you, and that you do deserve that. I think, for now my advice would be to go on that date for sure. See how it goes. You may find that you like being back out there. Heck, maybe you and this girl will really hit it off. If not, maybe it will at least give you the confidence boost you need to start dating again. Then, once you do meet somebody with whom you really hit it off, it will almost be like your past relationship/break up doesn't even matter.

Obviously, being as I am not you, I cannot say for sure. However, it definitely sounds like what you are going through is the sort of thing that everybody goes through after something like that. It sort of sounds to me like you are nearly ready to move on, which is a good time to start sort of just wading slowly back into those waters.

Good luck, my friend. I hope soon you find somebody who will make you forget all about your ex. :-)

[vashti]

How long did you date your ex? Because 4 months isn't very long, and you don't sound ready to me.

[smiling100]

On the other hand, it actually may be good for you. It is very possible that getting back out there is exactly what you need to finally realize that there will be somebody else for you, and that you do deserve that. I think, for now my advice would be to go on that date for sure. See how it goes. You may find that you like being back out there. Heck, maybe you and this girl will really hit it off. If not, maybe it will at least give you the confidence boost you need to start dating again. Then, once you do meet somebody with whom you really hit it off, it will almost be like your past relationship/break up doesn't even matter.

Obviously, being as I am not you, I cannot say for sure. However, it definitely sounds like what you are going through is the sort of thing that everybody goes through after something like that. It sort of sounds to me like you are nearly ready to move on, which is a good time to start sort of just wading slowly back into those waters.

Good luck, my friend. I hope soon you find somebody who will make you forget all about your ex. :-)

Cheers EvilJ

It turned out it was actually good for me probably to soon.

I felt strange leaving the house & just said to myself the other option is to sit on the couch. There wasn't much chemistry between us & I wasn't really that interested in what she had to say. I certainly wasn't my usual confident / happy self lol. I was attracted to her in a funny way though I didn't have any desire to kiss her etc.

I can't see it progressing more than friends tbh I doubt i'll even ask her out on a second date. I caught her out lying about her age which was a turn off.

Though yes i'm glad I did it & I was glad I didn't sit there with her whilst I was pining over my ex even though I still miss her loads.

When I got home I felt a mixture of trying to say goodbye to the past & remembering when I met my ex the first time & how there was instant chemistry, attraction & non stop laughing flirting & smiling

- - - Updated - - -

How long did you date your ex? Because 4 months isn't very long, and you don't sound ready to me.

About a year all up.

[smiling100]

Yup i'm not feeling the chemistry.

Though I think it's good to continue dating & not take it to serious.

At least my confidence has been built up a little

[TheEvilJester]

That is good, then. So, with further evidence, it sounds like maybe you are sort of ready to "get back out there" a little, but maybe not quite ready for a serious relationship. So, if that is the case, do just that. Get out there and have fun. Maybe you will just meet some great new friends, or have some fun times. Still... you never know... you may wind up finding the girl of your dreams even though you are not expecting it.

I think it would also help you to try getting out more just in general, even if it means just with friends. Or even take up a hobby or two. That sort of stuff can be a big help as well. You get yourself back into the world without even having to worry about whether or not you are in a relationship. It is a great way to boost your confidence. It has worked for me.

My situation isn't exactly the same. My ex was so bad for me, that by the time I got out of the relationship, it was actually freeing. I didn't miss her AT ALL, I wondered what the Hell took me so long to get out of that relationship. Still, the result is the same. I have been throwing myself into hobbies and friends more and it has really helped a lot. Honestly, I actually feel completely ready to try dating again, but for the time being I am just enjoying my life as it is.

Good luck, friend. Keep getting yourself out there, be it by dating, or just hanging out with friends. Before you know it, you will be moving on with life and be a completely new man.

[michelle23]

4months single isnt that long really. There is no need to rush back into anything. Its unfair to string anyone along when your not over your ex and not ready for a new relationship and you may unintentionally end up doing that by seeing this girl again.

You could distract yourself with a new hobby-join a sport or the gym or go play darts or something. It gets easier with time and you will know when your ready to meet someone new.

When I dumped my ex, I wasnt hurt or upset but still spent like a year single coz I just couldnt be bothered with the stress and drama or confusion of dating and I wasnt even looking to meet anyone when I met my bf but sometimes the best things find you when your not expecting it

[smiling100]

4months single isnt that long really. There is no need to rush back into anything. Its unfair to string anyone along when your not over your ex and not ready for a new relationship and you may unintentionally end up doing that by seeing this girl again.

You could distract yourself with a new hobby-join a sport or the gym or go play darts or something. It gets easier with time and you will know when your ready to meet someone new.

When I dumped my ex, I wasnt hurt or upset but still spent like a year single coz I just couldnt be bothered with the stress and drama or confusion of dating and I wasnt even looking to meet anyone when I met my bf but sometimes the best things find you when your not expecting it

Hi Michelle I actually took up competition squash again. I forced myself get back into it & was so unfit. I didn't care if I won or lost, the point was I got up & did it. I was so proud of myself for doing it.

Then in the second week I fell over & damaged my ankle. Had to go to the physio & get it strapped. I couldn't even walk. Physio said it's going to be a few months before I can think of playing again. So there goes that option.

All my friends have partners/kids so they can't go out & socialise. What other options have I got?

Turns out this girl I dated is in the same head space as me & doesn't want anything serious, she split with her ex in November like me. I've been straight up with her & i'm not playing games.

I'm not to sure about that cliche that the best things you find when not expecting it. I was single for three years after I split from my wife, I was quite happy being single enjoying my freedom but not once did something come along & find me. I had to go searching for it.

If she gets all hot n heavy I have told her where she stands. I

- - - Updated - - -

Listen you gotta get ovr it and move on !!!!! date as much as you can and "be in shape" you don't know when it can happen so at list be ready when it comes
depression leads to more depression.... it's a karma thing

good luck

I actually fell into depression for the first time in my life & I only dated her for a couple of months.

I sat at home for 17 weekends in a row by myself feeling sorry for myself.

I think i'm being pro active now & getting over it by doing this. I'm sure my ex isn't sitting home feeling sorry for me. She couldn't give a damn as she hasn't contacted me once since we split.