He is lying about stupid things

[BusyBee]

Hello Guys,

I have a little question here and I need a guy to answer.
Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years now and it's all going fine and by that I'll include the sex part just in case one of you thinks that is the problem.

My main issue is that he lies or tells half truths about ridiculous things, making me wonder if he lies about other things too.
One example is on Tuesday, I got a text message that was clearly not for me, I had an appointment at the vet and left work early and he knew that and we don't work at the same place.
But in the train home, I got a text saying you can come up now, I'm on my own. I decided to ask him directly in the evening, all them text explanation end up causing arguments.
So, in the evening, I asked him if he'd had a private chat with somebody at work, and he said no. Busy afternoon didn't chat with anybody.
I showed him the tex and he said, oh yeah, Mandy had trouble with her boyfriend and wanted to talk about it. So I said why didn't you say first.
Then he said, well I knew you'd cause an argument. I wouldn't have because I know that Mandy and her boyfriend and they do argue quite a lot, but then lying to me did cause an argument.
Last time, I met one of his old work colleagues, and she said, I heard you went for a nice trip, I said of did you, and she told me she was regularly in contact with him and was surprised I didn't know.
So my idea is one, is is keeping those women warm for later. Two, it's not the only thing he is laying about.

[the_last_jedi]

It gives me the feeling that you are quite jealous (or at least your boyfriend thinks that you are) and you two have already had arguments related to jealousy when he talks to other women. Am I right? If so, he is very likely to think you would start to think about bad things if you know that he is talking to a female friend, and he is lying in order to avoid that.

Excesive jealousy provokes this kind of stupid lies. Think about it.

[michelle23]

Hes cheating. He had another woman alone in his house and lied about it. The fact shes having bf trouble only makes it more obvious. Im surprised you need it spelt out for you. They are having an affair

[BusyBee]

It gives me the feeling that you are quite jealous (or at least your boyfriend thinks that you are) and you two have already had arguments related to jealousy when he talks to other women. Am I right? If so, he is very likely to think you would start to think about bad things if you know that he is talking to a female friend, and he is lying in order to avoid that.

Excesive jealousy provokes this kind of stupid lies. Think about it.

I am rather jealous, I'll admit to that but to my defense, I was faced with a big lie from his side a few years back. A woman had gone to his house to make him a direct offer and whilst I do believe he didn't do anything, instead of telli^ng me about it, he didn't tell me anythings and the woman obviously told me a few days later relinquishing on the fact that he hadn't said anything. ahis excuse was that he didn't think it was important. Obviously that made me dubious.

[Lord Darkshire]

So that wasn't a deal breaker for you? I guess I'm gonna have to point out here, that if you know there is a problem with him that still continues, then you only have yourself to blame for putting up with it. You know he lies so why are you still with him?

[woody]

Well, she loves him obviously.
Woman, that sucks. It's that past 'thing'. He's shown you he can be a moron like that and now, without a doubt, of course you've reason to be concerned.
It's a shitty thing indeed when the one we love betrays us either through actions or non actions; in this case, he ought to have told you this woman came over long ago. He put you in an embarassing situation when this vixen later told you of her advances, it would have been great if you could have said, "yes, he told me all about it" but he did not.
are men just thick? Maybe. Maybe he truly didn't see it as a big deal. Hey, I always have vixens coming and offering themselves to me when my s.o is out. (Not)
It was a deal. and he through not disclosing this, created a toxic breeding ground for questions and major doubts. Dealing with jealousy sucks but it especially sucks when there is reason to actually be jealous.

Do you love this guy? You must.
Hey, you've been with him for 4 years. I'm sure you've told him how these things make you feel. So if he can't figure out that all you really need is for him to tell you when other women have been looming about so you don't get blindsided and subjected to that kitty kat ridicule that vixens play for, well, hey, I think you have your answer already.

[michelle23]

its easy to bury your head in the sand and blame all these women who keep popping up like a bad smell and making excuses for him coz hes obviously such a catch he just cant help getting so much attention. Rolling my eyes.

If someone is getting this much attention then they are looking for it. This guy is a serial cheat and you have been in denial way too long. You need to wake up.

One misunderstanding-fine but you have mentioned at least 3. Hes playing you like a fiddle. Sorry I know its upsetting for you but come on, how long more are you gonna pretend you believe his BS. You know deep down he cant be trusted

You could be so much happier with someone else and your worth more

[smackie9]

Instead of trying to trap him all the time, all you had to do was say calmly "Look at this... I got a random text from you that looked like it was for someone else, I'm just curious, what was that about?" I'm sure he would have told you. But instead you manipulated the situation by pretending you didn't know about him talking to someone at work and that's bad behavior..you are part of this problem.

Anyways if you haven't felt at ease in this relationship, and you are always having jealous arguements, I don't see why you are with him....in love with him is no excuse to keep staying. I go by the saying if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Even if he is innocent in all this, the problem is there, he doesn't trust you because you argue with him, and you don't trust him because he lies to you....that's a big fail especially with this going on for 4 bloody years.

[BusyBee]

So, I decided to pu it all on the table and told him that I have had enough. Either he stopped those lies or it was over. Told him to think about whether he cared for me enough to be honest and if not we should jut leave it. I alo said that if I figured out once more that he lied to me. I wouldn't even argue with him again. I would just put an end to it.
I reckon you're all right. It a big fail anyway.

[sowmia]

Horrible! How could he even do something so insensitive to you *sniffles*

Don't worry, don't ever put yourself down because of people who exploit your feelings this way

[Johnagape]

From what you have written here, I don't think you are jealous.I think jealousy is a problem when there is no reason to be jealous. If he keeps chatting up women, and being alone with emotional women (Mandy), then it is natural that you suspect him of cheating.

I agree with Michelle. I think he is cheating.

If it really is, "no bid deal," then there is no reason to be secretive about it. He knows that being secretive is a cause for arguments. Therefor he should be open.

You say it's a big fail. I don't think so. If you can see it from a different perspective, a few years down the line. It's a good lesson.

I don't think he's a big loss. There is a better person out there waiting to meet you. Staying with this cheat would stop you from meeting this special person.

[sowmia]

There is a better person out there waiting to meet you. Staying with this cheat would stop you from meeting this special person.

Yes! I totally agree

[BusyBee]

Thank you all. IT's good to get different view on the subject