Ready to give up

[Inexadra]

Hi folks,

I'm a 28-year-old male, never married, and I'm a short guy (5' 6" tall, to be exact). I've been told in a great many ways that men my height are simply not date-able or attractive.

Given that all of my past relationships have failed, and given that I'm getting older and older (and therefore my window of opportunity to ever find lasting-love is shrinking), what do I do when my height is a deal-breaker?

I've lived in East Asia and in Europe. I've traveled a lot, and most places I went, I saw and was told that height really doesn't matter. This seems to be a U.S./Canada(?) phenomenon where a man's height is a bigger deal-breaker than a woman's figure.

What do I do?

I feel like I'm never going to find lasting love or be married because I'm so short.

[mollymari]

That's bull___. Stand tall man. Any girl that won't date a man based solely on his height is no girl worth dating in the first place. Think of it as a built in screening device and remember, it's about confidence and the quality of character that attracts.

It's about what you feel on the inside that resonates with the impression you give others.

and besides, didn't you know, it's a well known secret that shorter men make much better lovers? At least, that's what I hear.

[michelle23]

I know lots of men whos girlfriends are taller then them and they even wear heels when out together which shows she doesnt care. This isnt a universal female issue. Its an issue you have with yourself that has knocked your confidence and insecurity isnt attracted. You need to get over your height complex and start feeling like you are good enough

[pcmaster]

Go on sitting dates so it wont make much diference. You have to compensate quantity with quality. Date shorter girls if you have to.

[basilandthyme]

I'm 5'7 and have been taller than more than one boyfriend. Yes, there are shallow women for whom this is a concern, but you don't really want to bother with one of them anyway.

[rexanonymous]

I'm 5'7 and have been taller than more than one boyfriend. Yes, there are shallow women for whom this is a concern, but you don't really want to bother with one of them anyway.

Ahem, I'm one of these "shallow women". I'm 5'7" and I wouldn't date a guy who's shorter than me, but not because I'm shallow. I'm extremely insecure about my height, so dating a guy that was shorter than me would do terrible things to my self-esteem. So don't lump women like me and truly shallow women into the same category.

As for the OP, don't give up. While there are definitely shallow women, and women like me, there are also women who are totally comfortable being taller. My dad is 5'5" and my mom is 5'9". I think someone mentioned dating someone shorter than you. There are plenty of women shorter than 5'6". My point, don't give up.

[basilandthyme]

Ahem, I'm one of these "shallow women". I'm 5'7" and I wouldn't date a guy who's shorter than me, but not because I'm shallow. I'm extremely insecure about my height, so dating a guy that was shorter than me would do terrible things to my self-esteem. So don't lump women like me and truly shallow women into the same category.

Heck, we're not even tall enough be models. Sure, we both have friends who are shorter than us, but how can you even begin to rationalise this level of insecurity?

[kitten99]

My boyfriend is my height (not sure he is even 5'6"). He is the best man I could have ever found. Took me awhile to realize it though because I felt insecure about myself and did not give him a chance. He treats me so well that now I beam sunshine when he holds my hand in public. If you are being rejected it may be due to the females insecurity. Sadly we feel better around bigger guys because then we feel smaller or thinner.

[Inexadra]

Ok, but what do I do when society has told women that they *should* only go for men who are taller? I don't mean directly, but implicitly - big & tall = better. We all might say "well who cares what society says", but it's still part of our thinking every day.

I get that there's insecurity among many women about being with shorter men. But what do I do about it? What options do I have?

I'm 28 and single. This is the age when I should be engaged or married. The fact that I am single now gives me no reason to hope that I'll ever find love.

I'm considering permanently relocating overseas, since it seems that in the United States - no matter how great a guy may be, if he's under 6 feet tall: he's doomed.

I would go out and try to meet women, but what's the point? They'll just reject me anyway because of my height.

[basilandthyme]

Dunno. I've never given a toss what 'society' says.

[AnErin]

Man, everyone looks at their own flaws as the reason they cannot date.
too short, too fat, too poor, too white, too black, too young, too old, voted for Pedro, not pretty enough, not manly enough... It is EASY to find excuses for not trying.

People have their own standards. I do not imagine even 1/2 of women would really have a problem with your height. Some will. So what?

Plus the whole, "I should be engaged by now". What a crock! Who sets the standard for our timeline? 28 is not even close to "too late for love". I know somewhere it is written that we should live by some event calender like college, career, fall in love, get married, 2.3 kids in little league, white picket fence, SUV, white collar job, hump the secretary, marriage counseling..."
YOU have to decide for yourself how to live your life, NO ONE will do it for you.

EDIT - yeah, 28 is pretty over the hill. You really should make the best of what few years you have left on this earth.

[michelle23]

Man your 5"6. The average height for most women is like 5"3 so I think this is all in your head. Theres plenty of women shorter than you that you can take out

[smiling100]

28 is not old at all. Your life is just beginning.