any advice plz !!

[lilsweetie]

Hi
My story is a little complicated.
I lived in the states for the last 5 year , 2 years ago I met a guy who I was dating just for a couple weeks. We never really broke up but we never were in a relationship either. After a 1 1/2 years on and off I got pregnant. He was completely in shock and told me to get an abortion. I didn't do it I told him I couldn't . I told him I dont need his financialy support because I was moving back to Germany. He told me not to tell anybody who the father is and I thought it would be a good idea.
Now my baby is 9 months old and he completely broke up all communication with me . I dont know what to do cause I think im still in love with him . Its really complicated I know.

[michelle23]

You shouldnt have any feelings for him. He used you for a long time and then was a complete prick in the end. You and the baby are better off without him. Forget him and move on with your life

[lilsweetie]

You shouldnt have any feelings for him. He used you for a long time and then was a complete prick in the end. You and the baby are better off without him. Forget him and move on with your life

Its easier to say then to do. But thank you . Its hard to move on having a daily reminder of him.

[woody]

Hormones. Wait. Then wait some more.

Sorry lady but any parent that ditches like that is no parent. Your a new Mom with a beautiful bundle of joy; of course you want the FAther to see the child, be with you but remember, much of what your feeling is nesting instinct.
If he comes over, you'll be taking care of and cleaning up after two babies. You don't really want that do you?

Won't be easy of course. Sure, it's natural to wish the Daddy be around but if the Daddy is not Daddy material, come on, think about it.

He's no man. A man doesn't ditch his child.

[lilsweetie]

Thank you for your advice. I try my best to follow that Its going to be hard tho . My family is still trying to convince me to sue him for child support but I dont know if I could do that now to him.

[smackie9]

I know emotions are high when it comes to this subject. Yes it takes two to tango, but you should never expect a man to jump right in to take responsibility. Yes there is a moral obligation BUT still not everyone is going to follow it. So you guys can bash this guy all you want it won't change his decision.

OP you made the choice to take responsibility to raise this baby on your own without his support, fair enough so stick with that and see where it takes you.

My GF was always an emotional wreck, chasing her ex down for 11 years. It would have been better for her mental health to have just moved forward and focus on her own life.

You can decide at another time if you want support from him of not, but for now your heart is hurting and you need to heal from this experience....focus on your lovely child and be happy. There will be a day you will meet a wonderful man that will be a loving father to your child. Of course this won't happen over night but in time it will. Just stay away from noncommittal guys that only offer off and on relationships eh

[lilsweetie]

I think you right. I should stop listening to my friends and family, they trying to convince to get a lawyer and sue him . I dont wanna force somebody to love his child or me . Im getting tired of his mind games anyways.

[AnErin]

I do not know how Germany works but in the USA, if a woman has a kid and sponges off the government, the US government suddenly becomes extra motivated to make the dad pay. THEN they count the child support received as part of the woman's income (thereby lowering her chance of sponging off the GOVT some more).

Problem is - he wanted you to get an abortion. Then he didn't want you to tell anyone who the father was. You do realize he is going to dodge child support as much as possible. EVENTUALLY it will catch up to him but it could take years unless he decides to be responsible (which is unlikely since he is a loser.)

[lilsweetie]

I do not know how Germany works but in the USA, if a woman has a kid and sponges off the government, the US government suddenly becomes extra motivated to make the dad pay. THEN they count the child support received as part of the woman's income (thereby lowering her chance of sponging off the GOVT some more).

Problem is - he wanted you to get an abortion. Then he didn't want you to tell anyone who the father was. You do realize he is going to dodge child support as much as possible. EVENTUALLY it will catch up to him but it could take years unless he decides to be responsible (which is unlikely since he is a loser.)

The German gov. Is supporting me right now but they are waiting for me to get a name and address so they can make him pay. They dont care if he lives in the states Its going to be harder but not impossible to get money out of him. I thought once the baby is born he would change his mind ,since he already have a daughter , but nothing . I feel sad seeing him taking care of his other daughter but completely ignoring this one .

[michelle23]

Your child is better off without him. If he has no interest, forcing him to take responsibility will affect the child more in the long run. Its better to have no dad then to have one who doesnt give the child any love or support. That would emotionally damage the kid more knowing there dad is a complete waster.

Just dont get involved with other men like him now. Be smart about who you choose to date and make sure you dont make the same mistakes again.