I can't read his intentions- sorry if this is long.

[darlingxo]

I'm so sorry if this is really long, I just really need help.

Over the past few months an unlikely friendship has developed between me [21F] and a university classmate of mine [39M].

We started talking by accident via Twitter for a class assignment. Eventually he suggested we get coffee. We started getting coffee more frequently, and the duration of such coffee dates grew as well. By Christmas we were sitting down 5+ hours talking over cold cups of tea, which he always insisted in paying for.

January (I live outside of the city, and only travel in for school) we started using Skype messenger. For the first two weeks of January we chatted late into the night every single night. Learning personal things about each other, talking about very intimate things- even a couple of times the conversation turned and we started talking about turn ons. I'm pretty sure we both got off from those conversations- I definitely did. Lately we haven't been talking as much online due to finals and that we see each other often in class.

Then things got really confusing. I have a medical condition that causes me to have intense dizzy spells and sometimes lose consciousness. We went to a gala organized by the university and I drove us there (his drivers license is only valid in europe). Then after an evening together amongst the department I passed out on the way to the car. He stayed with me for four hours until I felt better. Holding my hand, kissing the top of my head, letting me nuzzle into his neck. Then at the end of the night we held each other, kissed each other on the cheek and he held my face and kissed me twice on the forehead but NO ACTUAL KISS.

He'll hold my hand when I'm upset, walk me to my train, take walks with me after class, tries to buy my dinner or coffee, compliments me BUT then he'll say things like "You're my close friend" and he never made a move. I can't figure things out.

Throughout this time I was reluctant to get emotionally involved because of the age gap. But honestly, it doesn't even feel like an issue anymore. I care so much about him. I just don't know where he stands. I'm so scared to do something then lose our friendship. I also don't want to lose the opportunity for us to work, if it seems like he's interested.

Men, help! Some insight?

[pcmaster]

Well first when I saw age diference I thought gross. But since you didnt had sex I respect guy a little more. You could be his dauther.

However sex might be possible if you convince the guy. He might not feel confident enought because of age so you have to show your maturity. You said you both talked about turn ons. So deep inside he might be pervert. Try bring this skype conversation about turn ons in life and see how cool he is in life.

However if you confess your feelings you have nothing to lose. I think he likes you enought and he might be holding himself back.

[smackie9]

You need to go into this with eyes wide open. There is nothing wrong with dating someone his age if you wish too BUT there is no future for the long term and you will have to acknowlege this that marriage and children propably will not be in the cards.

You are very young, and shouldn't be getting involved in anything so serious at this time in your ife, him on the other hand will be looking for that because you both are at different times in your lives. He is getting into middle age, where he's gonna be slowing down, where you are just at the beginning experienceing adulthood.

Right now you are only going by emotions and not thinking on practical terms. It might feel right at this moment BUT you will be facing age gap issues where you both will find yourselves at a painful crossroads. I feel the attention you are receiveing is what you are taken with, making you very flattered that an older man finds you attractive....just keep your head on straight and think things through before getting too involved.

[darlingxo]

That's actually one thing that we do have in common. We've discussed it, not in terms of us together but just life in general. Neither of us wants kids, at least not for the next 5-10 years and neither of us want marriage.

I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'm willing to see where things take us if they ever actually get off the ground.

I'm young, but I'm open to where life takes me. I'm not the type of person who envisions the suburban lifestyle with the cat, dog and 2.5 kids. Hardly. I think that's one of the things that make us so compatible. Both unconventional, would rather spend our time discussing academia than changing diapers.

[smackie9]

You both are at an age where having babies wouldn't be a concern....not until you are 28 30 may change. But hey whatever floats your boat.

[pcmaster]

He might actually need someone your age to cook up kids if he wants them. Women his age cant give him that anymore.

[michelle23]

Is he married? This sounds like an emotional affair to me where your his "special friend", he has feelings that hes in denial about but thinks hes not doing anything wrong as long as he doesn't cross a physical sexual line with you..

If hes not married then I think the age gap is too much. In a few years, you probably will want marriage and kids. I think your just infatuated by him and not thinking with your head. Remove yourself emotionally and think this through properly. He could be your dad

[HDBadger]

A 36 year old could technically be the father of a 24 year old. But thousands of happy relationships have a 10+ year age difference. The "he could be your dad" saying is used as an attempt to shame consenting adults about their feelings.

The more I hear from women about this subject, the more I understand there are a ton of bitter women out there who can't understand that a lot of 30-something guys prefer youthful, 20-something women to their older counterparts.

[rest77]

@HDBadger

How can a 36 year old technically be the father of 24 year old?

[michelle23]

Badger hes almost 20 years older than her-not ten and Im not bitter. Im 24 lol

[suddenlynothing]

I think he might just want you as a friend and feels like more of a protective father figure than a sexual relationship.

Ask him honestly and openly what the situation is, no point you getting hurt over nothing.