I feel like commiting suicide

[Tien]

I know I wrote there couple of days before, but things got worse for me. I was thinking about all my relationships, about the man I am attracted to and I started to blame myself excesively. I realized that I have no friend (I have people who I call like that but they are never there for me, but I am always there for them). I have to fight very hard for everything in my life, my father abused me, I was raped, noone ever cared. I needed "my friends" today - and it was a positive thing I wanted to share and noone came. My job is very psychically hard and even there I have to fight every day for myself.
I have done many mistakes so far, I don't know what to do, I really want to go to bed and never wake up.

[suddenlynothing]

Look life is hard and sometimes very shit! but youve just said your a fighter, there is something inside you that doesn't want to give in, and you shouldn't. You can think about suicide, i have too when my ex left me, but im not going to let her win or take the idea of suicide seriously.

Dont let the abuse win over you, it wasnt your fault. What have you started to blame yourself excessively over?

[Lizziebee]

I know things seem like shit right now. I can't say I know exactly how you're feeling right now, but I've been there. I've been deserted by friends plenty of times in my life, I've been raped, and abused (though by my own ex's) both physically and mentally. My family treated me like a no good, worthless piece of trash my whole life because I was never the prettiest or the smartest girl in my family. I attempted suicide several times between the ages of 14 and 21, but I've picked myself back up. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years now, and he's really brought out the best in my personality. I used to be scared of everything and I used to be horribly down on myself even though I'd stopped trying to kill myself. He taught me it's ok to like/love myself, and even if no one else will he will and he'll always be there for me. I think what you need to do is go out and make some new friends. Maybe find a few people that you can actually rely on to help you get through all the tough times in your life. Trust me, there are still good people out there. You just need to know where to look. I really hope things get better for you.

[pcmaster]

Well you are just tired thats why feeling so low. Babe you knoow what, I think if all life is shity and theres one good day in the end of the life then life been worth living. What country are you from?
By the way have you talked with psyho therapist about that rape? You know theres no happines in easy life. Good things come hard and you just have to enjoy process along the way too. Good thing you have a job so thats a positive thing. If you feeling low all the time then you could talk to psyhiatrist and get on antidepresants. They wont solve your problems but you could feel good while having them.

Also you could find passions/hobbies and meet new friends there. Life is about finding what makes you happy.

Check these vids
youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

youtube.com/watch?v=yHFDa9efCQU

[smackie9]

Ya I agree you sound like you could use someone to talk to. You can call a rape crisis hotline and they can direct you to some free counseling in your area to help you work through all these emotions. Healthy mind healthy life.

[Tien]

thank you, you know I would like to have simply a friend who I could trust,I really wish someone real to talk to. I started to blame myself this much when I realized I attract the bad because I am so weak, it's easy to use me,to make fun, because I don't recognize the difference between what is good or wrong immidiately, I don't know how to set boundaries. I would like to be mentally healthy, have natural relationship or at least something to get easy. I don't need everything but at least something, one thing!! I decided to go to psychiatrist, I used to have one but I didn't trust her, she didn't really listen, only gave me many pills

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and other thing I am very tired of everything, I have tried to make new friends, but I wasn't successful, I mean yes people talk to me, but they are not friends,I can't share with them, I have tried to maintain a relationship and I am able to give a lot and tried hard, I still wonder whether it's me - maybe my personality is too difficult - I am introvert and shy, but I think Iam very easy to talk to

[pcmaster]

Psychiatrist use pills to heal his patients, he talks only to know what to give. If you want someone to listen the go to Psyho therapist - they dont use meds at all. Also counseling is all about talking, and solving longterm issuses.

[Lizziebee]

I would say go to a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are paid to put patients on medication to see if it helps, a psychologist is paid purely just to help you figure out what is going on inside of you. I had a psychologist for a long time on and off, when I finally decided to open up it helped a lot. Even just a therapist might help, they also are paid to listen and ask questions. They may refer you to a psychiatrist if they suspect you are in need of medication, but other than that the other two are paid primarily to listen and help.

As far as making friends goes, it can be harder for some people than others. I have an extremely hard time making friends with people in real life because I have crippling social anxiety unless I'm severely intoxicated. So making friends outside of the internet is really tough for me. My boyfriend, on the other hand, though he claims to be shy/socially awkward he's really a huge social butterfly and doesn't have as much trouble making friends as he thinks he does. It really just depends on your personality sometimes. Plus it's always harder for people to make friends, when past friends have disappointed them. I went a whole year with only one friend because all of my other friends freaked out and deserted me because I came out as bisexual in 8th grade.

[lonewolf47]

Tien you already know the answer: keep fighting on! your ability to acknowledge that you have a problem is admirable, you are in good road for recovery. You need to understand only this: you can't change the world but you CAN change yourself!
be strong!

[michelle23]

You have been through a lot and its great you recognize what the problems are. You said you attract the wrong people because you are vulnerable and they sense weakness. Its actually very common for victims of abuse or rape to end up in abusive relationships and the cycle continues. You dont know how to set boundaries because all you want is someone/anyone to love you and you are not sure what love is supposed to be like.

I agree you should get counselling first of all and put all your strenght into healing but I also recommend you research healthy relationships, learn how to set boundaries and learn how to spot the signs of abusive men early so you can avoid them.

Sorry you are hurting but you are stronger than you think. A friend of mine was abused sexually by her father and it took a long time, a lot of therapy and support but she is happy now. You can do it so believe in yourself and dont give up

Best of luck to you

[IndiReloaded]

Think how boring life would be if it wasn't hard sometimes! Fiiiight! WIN! (I love that scene from Incredibles)

Everyone said how they want such a quiet, easy life but the data contradicts that. When peoples lives are quiet they make shit up to make themselves miserable. Said differently, most miserable people just need something to focus on.

[IndiReloaded]

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/07/06/the-first-step-to-living-the-life-you-want/