In love with a older married woman

[Leprechanus]

I'm 25 and began working with a beautiful 42 year old woman about a year and half ago. We became friends pretty quickly and would hang out. She also has 2 daughters that I became friends with which are only 4 years younger than me. Well my relationship with this woman progressed but never thought of anything being serious due to her marriage.

Well 4 months ago while her husband was at work and we were all alone I went on a limb and kissed her, she kissed back. We proceeded to make out for hours all over her house. The next day she told me it must be forgotten and could never happen again. Well it did many times. We began seeing eachother secretly at her house and mine. During this time I fell hopelessly in love with her. 2 days ago we took the ultimate plunge and made love at my place. Although it was absolutely wonderful it threw me into a complete mental breakdown.

You see many years ago due to my childhood I made many promises to myself to make sure I would never have to endur certain problems again. 1 of those promises is the woman I make love to is the person I must spend my life with (yes I was a virgin by choice). I am unable to break this promise for if I did would not only be lying to others but myself. I can't let this happen! She says she is still in love with her husband. I've already given up so many things for her including a job opportunity and would literally sacrifice myself for her. I've never known a love like this and must keep it at all costs. On other hand I've never felt so much inner turmoil either. Due to promises and my feelings I can't let her go in any way but due to her husband I can't have her. What do I do???

[shh!]

Whoa! I've heard about guys like you, but never knew one! Well, I'm sorry to say that she is very, VERY unlikely to leave her husband for a young guy like you. At that age, a woman needs some security, and after all, he is the father of her children. Besides, despite Demi Moore getting away with it, normal people tend to raise an eyebrow at older woman/younger men situations. I suggest you call things off with her immediately. In addition to the fact that she is married, you are SO going to have your heart broken by her, and it will only get worse with more time. Life will suck for a while, but you will certainly meet another woman who is available.

[Leprechanus]

Well he isn't the father of her children. It is her second marriage and they only been together for 4 years. Her daughters absolutely hate him because he split up her first marriage with their dad. All of her friends hate him too. The age difference never comes up between us because like a wise person said once "Age differences is as simple as mind over matter, if you don't mind it don't matter". And as far as security I am very financially stable.

[TAVS]

So wouldn't it be logical to assume they would all hate you as well? Sure they hate guy B, but they hate him for being immoral and breaking up a marriage. You're trying to do the same thing. And what do you expect to do when she moves on to Guy #4

[misombra]

i agree with shh. this woman is heart break. you will fall deeper and deeper and she'll stay right where she is. have you ever heard of the show "desperate housewives". yeah, that's her and you're the cute, young pool guy that she'll never EVER be with in the end.

the end.

[Ellynn]

She already said she wouldn't leave her husband........so if anything you are gonna be some "fun" on the side. To me it sounds like you can't handle that... I'm not doubting you love her....but you need to realize that there are no guarantees w/ people you sleep with.......no matter what age you are...etc. There are other women out there....and you should try to find someone who at least is unattached.

[shh!]

1 of those promises is the woman I make love to is the person I must spend my life with (yes I was a virgin by choice). I am unable to break this promise for if I did would not only be lying to others but myself. I can't let this happen!

Too late. Looks like you already did.

She says she is still in love with her husband. I've already given up so many things for her including a job opportunity and would literally sacrifice myself for her. I've never known a love like this and must keep it at all costs. On other hand I've never felt so much inner turmoil either. Due to promises and my feelings I can't let her go in any way but due to her husband I can't have her. What do I do???

You kind of sound like stalker material here. Get a hold of yourself - she's not for you.

[Ellynn]

Yup, he is setting himself up to be hurt. I mean people need to realize that there are no guarantees when it comes to having sex/making love/doing the horizontal tango w/ someone! And then theres that fact of her husband.........

[Reina]

I totally think that you should get over her. Falling deeper and deeper for her will bring you nothing but hurt yourself more and more. Life has many more beatiful things and soon you'll be able to find another one so move on. It's just don't sound right to stick yourself to the person who's not available.. Well, you've already had many experience about the love breaking thing.. so do you really think that she'll always stay there for YOU??

[Lloyd95]

So wouldn't it be logical to assume they would all hate you as well? Sure they hate guy B, but they hate him for being immoral and breaking up a marriage. You're trying to do the same thing. And what do you expect to do when she moves on to Guy #4

Good point. Here's another:

Your lady friend broke up with guy A to be with guy B. Now she cheats on guy B to be with you (shall we call you guy C), ......see where I'm going with this?

You seem to be a very moral person. She does not. You're just in LUST now, and setting yourself up for heartache.

[Loveboat]

Enjoy this love as long as you can. Tomorrow you will find another to fill your heart.
Don't get involved in a situation you can't handle. Complications are not for you. "Love the moment, for tomorrow brings new love."

[shh!]

You seem to be a very moral person. ..

Except for when he's screwing some other guy's wife...

[Lloyd95]

Except for when he's screwing some other guy's wife...

Oh yeah, didn't think about that.

Freakin hypocrite, Leprecanus! Beat it.

[Leprechanus]

I was hoping to use this as a helper for myself. To help me deal with the whole situation. Granted there are some people that have made some points but others who instead of helping me would rather hurt me. I am in no way shape or form a stalker. I rarely call her and never do that hang up thing. She is the one that calls me daily. Heck she called me on the way home from work today. Said she would call back when her husband goes to a ballgame.

I personally also hate myself for sleeping with another's wife. Not even to mention losing my virginity to a married woman. I'm so wrapped up in the whole thing and is completely out of character for me. As far as the age difference goes it never comes up between us. Believe me she doesn't look it in the slightest way. She once told me up until 3 years ago she was still getting carded for cigarettes.

[TAVS]

We are helping you. Just like one might slap a hysterical person to get them to calm down.