friend or boyfriend!

[alleycat]

hey all, so i've been toying with this for weeks and i can't figure it out i hope one of you can enlighten me on men. how do you read it when a guy has recently joined your circle of best friends but has incredible eye contact, seeks your attention when someone else has got it, makes coments about other women (not to his present guy buddies but to me!)namely "she's hot!", "i'd like to get me some of that!" etc, pouts when i mention some guy i am attracted to, grabs my bottom (after a few drinks!), sends suggestive emails. on a normal day i know what you are going to say but here is the rest of it: he flirts with the waitress, blows cold, teases like a older brother might, won't make a direct move even when the opportunity is present, needs to know my thoughs on other women "not for him, but just my honest opinion!", doesn't call you but will figure out a way to spend more time with the gang(I AM PART OF IT!), acts silly in front of me but i can totally tell when he is flirting with other women, the whole body language, etc. anyways, i know i am probably not making sense or i am so totally high school, but its driving me insane as he is a close friend and i'd like to explore the possibility of something more, but damn it is he ever going to make a move?!?!

[Ellynn]

He sounds like a flirt. And hes sounds like he's out for a good time.... He could be into you.... Try flirting back. See what happens.... If he doesn't flirt back, which i doubt will happen.....then you can just act like you were just joking around. If he does.....then well go from there.

Some guys are just naturally that way so its hard to tell. I say play along with him.

[Junket]

Nah. I say avoid him.

He sounds like trouble.

He hits on other women in front of you but pouts when you point out a good looking guy?

He sounds like the jealous type and you're not even goin' out with 'em yet.

[alleycat]

-- tought so too at first, but upon extensive observation i think he is more interested in my reaction than actually flirting with them. ---

Nah. I say avoid him.


He sounds like trouble.

He hits on other women in front of you but pouts when you point out a good looking guy?

He sounds like the jealous type and you're not even goin' out with 'em yet.

[Junket]

-- tought so too at first, but upon extensive observation i think he is more interested in my reaction than actually flirting with them. ---

Or is that just what you want to think?

I'm just basin' my advice off the information you provide, I can do no more.

[alleycat]

... things are a bit more complicated naturally than i am able to relate, as i don't want to bore everyone to death with the full story. I guess i should have posted the question differently. Normal male behaivior within a close group of friends - where you don't want to step on anyones toes, namely the other guys (as i am the only girl in the group!) but you are attracted (or possibly attracted) to the girl, me in this case - would be .......... ?!?!? How would you handle it? The other guys treat me as a sister or a close buddy, he is the only one that stands out, so to speak, with his behavior. Hence my total confusion! I am attracted to him, but as we are all friends and i don't want to mess up my relationship with the others by being totally obvious in my preference, also if i am totally off my rocket and am wrong about the chemistry (and he is a total jerk and immature) i'll end up looking for new friends! argh!

Or is that just what you want to think?

I'm just basin' my advice off the information you provide, I can do no more.

[Junket]

Never risk other friends for a potential love interest.

If you wanna risk the friendship you have with him, that's fine, but it wouldn't be worth to risk all your friends for one guy.

[Lloyd95]

If he were 'seriously' interested in you, he wouldn't flirt with other women blantantly in front of you. Bottom line. Unless he's a complete jack@ss, which he might be, therefore, you're better off without him.

[Tone]

No he could if he wanted to make her jealous. Since he seems to get jealous when other guys flirt with her, it's feasible he only flirts with other women to try to get the same reaction out of her.

[alleycat]

No he could if he wanted to make her jealous. Since he seems to get jealous when other guys flirt with her, it's feasible he only flirts with other women to try to get the same reaction out of her.

my take is the same, also he seems to enjoy teasing me. as i grew up with a lot of guy friends i am generally immune to most of it, but he does push the limits. things have now progressed to suggestive emails about my behind, i am starting to lean towards the "he is testing the waters!" theory. however, i might be totally off and you guys are right about him being an *******. However, to something one of you said earlier... i am not making things easier for him either, as far as i know he has no clue that i am crushing on him at all. I treat all of my guy friends the same way. And no i am not about to jeopardise my friends for one guy, however i will take the leap if he feels the same way! i just need another perspective!

[artyemi]

you just need another perspective, or something to confirm what you want to do?

[alleycat]

you just need another perspective, or something to confirm what you want to do?

not looking for confirmation but a perspective. obviously i can't talk to my buddies about this, can I!?! ultimately its my decision to make, but meanwhile as patience is not one of my virtues i need to come to some sort of a general understanding of what an outsider may think on the subject. so that i can either disassociate myself and prevent comming out as a total fool in the end. plus, i don't think i've shut any of your comments down at all! i am open to your comments and reply as i see fit to either correct or confirm your observations.

[artyemi]

easy there, alley cat..

first you ask "dammit, is he going to make a move?"

then you say " I am attracted to him, but as we are all friends and i don't want to mess up my relationship with the others by being totally obvious in my preference"

"i will take the leap if he feels the same way!"

i'm not saying you're shutting our comments down or anything, but I think you're reading too much into his activity.

so what do you need the outsider's perspective on?

whether he's just flirting with you?

whether you should give up friends for him?

whether your friends will stop being your friends because you prefer him because you like him?

[alleycat]

SEE I KNOW i over analyse things hense why i am asking for help. i would be lying if i said that i HOPE to hook up with him, however i am not going to cry my eyes out if that doesn't happen. i am just wondering, based on what i told so far ... what do you think!?? i am not worried about being rejected (hah i have a much better selfesteem than that!) i just don't want to be reading signals when there might not be any! or vice versa!

[artyemi]

do you prefer that he makes the move or are you itching to make the move?