Girlfriend acting weird & distancing herself - appropriate reactions?

[johngender]

Hi guys & gals!

My girlfriend and i have only been together for 5 months (we dated for 2 months prior though, so total 7 months), but during that time we've spent a lot of time together (probably more time together than apart).

Everything seemed to be perfect, she often told me that she loved me, and she even told me that in a couple of years, she'd like for me to be the father of her kids(!!!). I love her deeply and want this to happen as well.

Recently however something changed. I felt too comfortable with the relationship and took her for granted. Spent all my time at her place and was way too available, even neglecting school & friends for her. I started making mistakes and a lot of my old insecure behaviors showed up again. Yesterday, when i told her i loved her to her face, but she kinda ignored it, and when i told her i didn't feel like leaving her (i was going home) she just shrugged.
These past 2 nights she's been going out (without me) even though i had time to spend with her - so she effectively chose going out over me, although she's expressed earlier that she doesn't feel like going out cause she'd rather be with me.
Also, she's stopped initializing intimacy.

Now, i told her discreetly that i thought she seemed a bit distant, and that if she wanted to talk about anything, i was ready, but she just said that "nothing was wrong" and she was just feeling a bit tired.

So... What's the deal? Should i just give her some space and wait and see, or should i confront her with the problem?
I'm afraid to seem clingy & insecure towards, especially since i really feel clingy and insecure(!), which has started to show more often around her.

Thanks for reading

[IndiReloaded]

What does your gut tell you?

[johngender]

What does your gut tell you?

That i probably should back off a bit and perhaps try to make her chase me, but i'm not sure if i'm making mole hills into mountains - i tend to be overanalyzing at times.
I hate the idea of going back to "playing games" though, but i'd really do anything to keep her.

[KingZ]

Bad news, friend. Learn to keep your insecure behaviors in check in the next relationship.

[johngender]

Bad news, friend. Learn to keep your insecure behaviors in check in the next relationship.

Thanks, but honestly, i don't think i'll ever be able to completely stop feeling insecure when dating someone i love that much. Does that mean that i'll have to settle for someone i don't really love...?
I'm all in for trying to be the best person i possibly can, but it's not easy just completely splicing parts of your personality away :-)

[smiling100]

I hate the idea of going back to "playing games" though, but i'd really do anything to keep her.

It not sounding good. As stupid as it sounds unfortunately your best option is to play games & distance yourself & make her chase you. If she does chase you don't act all clingy.

Don't let her think you are her puppet, it will only turn her off more.





Good luck

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks, but honestly, i don't think i'll ever be able to completely stop feeling insecure when dating someone i love that much. Does that mean that i'll have to settle for someone i don't really love...?

That's not what KZ is saying at all. He's just saying to have some self-control. Relationships are about balance. Its a dance. You don't foxtrot when your partner is still waltzing. In some ways, what you did was very selfish. You weren't respecting her signals to take it easy. That's not love, btw.

Think about it.

[johngender]

It not sounding good. As stupid as it sounds unfortunately your best option is to play games & distance yourself & make her chase you. If she does chase you don't act all clingy.

Don't let her think you are her puppet, it will only turn her off more.

Good luck

Thanks man!
So, i guess i'll try some things out.
- I'll stop saying "I love you" etc. and wait for her to say it first.
- I'll try to be less responsive when she writes messages. That, however, i have already been doing, but i guess i could do more.
- I'll show less effort to stay at her place and show more interest in making plans with my friends, even if it means spending less time with her.
- I'll try to be more of a challenge, especially with giving affection.

We're still planning stuff in the future, so in my mind i don't think we're completely done, unless she's . For example, we have a vacation due in 3 months, and she still seems into it (mentioning to her parents, planning it with me etc.).

Are there any other things i should/should not to, and how can i know for sure whats going on?

- - - Updated - - -

That's not what KZ is saying at all. He's just saying to have some self-control. Relationships are about balance. Its a dance. You don't foxtrot when your partner is still waltzing. In some ways, what you did was very selfish. You weren't respecting her signals to take it easy. That's not love, btw.

Think about it.

Fair point. Her signals were in no way mixed at any time before, however - as recently as monday last week, she was all over me and told me how much she loved me etc., so i didn't feel like she wanted me to take it easy.
So this is me now trying to respect her signals - hopefully not too late.
But you're right, and i'll take what you say with me.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Start dating other girls. Don't break up with your g/f though.

[johngender]

Start dating other girls. Don't break up with your g/f though.

I'm not sure how to proceed with this one. My g/f has told me several times due to her past experiences that cheating/dating other girls would surely make her break up with me.
Unless i'm absolutely 100% certain she's going to break up with me, i don't think it's worth the risk. :-/

[smiling100]

Thanks man!
So, i guess i'll try some things out.
- I'll stop saying "I love you" etc. and wait for her to say it first.
- I'll try to be less responsive when she writes messages. That, however, i have already been doing, but i guess i could do more.
- I'll show less effort to stay at her place and show more interest in making plans with my friends, even if it means spending less time with her.
- I'll try to be more of a challenge, especially with giving affection.

We're still planning stuff in the future, so in my mind i don't think we're completely done, unless she's . For example, we have a vacation due in 3 months, and she still seems into it (mentioning to her parents, planning it with me etc.).

Are there any other things i should/should not to, and how can i know for sure whats going on?

- - - Updated - - -

You can't know what for sure is going on unless she tells you the truth but who knows if the story she tells you is in the truth or just the sugar coated version.

One thing I know from experience that playing mr.nice guy probably will backfire as she will know you are there when she wants you. You need to challenge her however at the end of the day if it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

If you play hard to get & it works out great, the truth will come out. Hopefully the sooner the better.





- - - Updated - - -

I'm not sure how to proceed with this one. My g/f has told me several times due to her past experiences that cheating/dating other girls would surely make her break up with me.
Unless i'm absolutely 100% certain she's going to break up with me, i don't think it's worth the risk. :-/

I wouldn't date other girls if you are really into her.

They will only be a rebound & they will not take her place. It's destined to backfire on you if she finds out or not.

Be more elusive.

[michelle23]

You havnt done anything wrong. The first year is all about getting to know each other, figuring out if your compatible. Infatuation takes over and makes you think your sooo in love but your not really. Its just crazy chemicals and hormones in your brain making you act like a prat.. real love happens much later when its less intense, no butterflies, no real excitement, just content and happy and relaxed.. seriously you should look up the difference between infatuation and love.

its normal to discuss future goals and plans but that doesnt mean its guaranteed to happen so you shouldnt take that shit so seriously. Its just talk right now. All it means is yoy both want the same things one day-but you have no idea whether it will be together or not yet coz your still in the honeymoon period and you dont really know each other yet

Try to relax a bit and enjoy it. The insecurity is your issue to deal with-not hers. And being in love doesnt make people insecure. You were insecure before you met her so deal with it and dont project in onto her. What are you afraid of? People break up all the time, they deal with it, life goes on.. broken hearts heal.

Once you realize your strong enough to handle it and get over ut IF that happens then youll enjoy the relationship more and stop worrying about all the what ifs and buts..

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm not sure how to proceed with this one. My g/f has told me several times due to her past experiences that cheating/dating other girls would surely make her break up with me.
Unless i'm absolutely 100% certain she's going to break up with me, i don't think it's worth the risk. :-/

Why isn't it worth the risk? You're not getting what you want from the relationship. I'd bet she already has someone else in mind that she's thinking about, hence the hot/cold you're getting from her. See other girls, and stop giving a **** if you lose her, since she isn't doing her part. Peons are not attractive. You don't have to cheat. Just try going out and getting some girls numbers just so you know that if this beotch does leave you, it won't matter.

[KingZ]

BackUp is an idiot. ^ "You don't have to cheat, just go get some girls numbers." Stereotypical black man mentality.

[bekho]

This is an awesome thread ^.^

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