Caught up in a horrible, god awful situation.. extremely confused about what to do..

[wearymachine]

i guess i'll just mention the whole story.. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE STORY AS THERE'S A LOT TO IT.. I REALLY APPRECIATE VALID INPUT.. so i'm 28 years old.. of indian / bangladeshi origin (but i was born and raised in the US).. i'm first generation in the US.. i'm a programmer by occupation

i met this girl online around June of last year on this indian dating / matrimonial site called shaadi.com.. at the time i'd just finished my masters degree, got out of my previous job, and was searching hard for a job.. applying, interviewing, and whatnot.. i live in Boston, her in NC.. now her story.. she grew up in India, and then her family moved here right when she started undergrad.. at the time we started talking, she had recently finished undergrad, and found a job at a lab in her school..

despite our interactions being through skype or phone.. we definitely started liking each other.. and then i found my current job last November.. then made plans to fly down and see her in December.. it went really well (i def felt strongly for her).. i told my parents about her and they were fine with us dating..

then, in January, she tells me that her lab ran outta funding, and that her work-permit was about to run out.. and that the only way she'd stay here was thru marriage.. it was a huge block that just fell on me.. i knew my parents wouldn't approve of getting married like that, but figured that since they were okay with us dating (and my mom even spoke with her on the phone a few times), it might be okay to marry her on paper, have her move here, get her to meet my parents, and bond really well with them.. and then when she had gotten my parents' trust (and when i would ACTUALLY be ready to marry and move in), break the news to them, and go from there.. so in the end, i reluctantly agreed, BUT told her to keep on the DL with my parents for now

she comes up in Feb, spends the week with me, and we get married on paper.. funny how these things have a way of coming out.. my mom found out the very next week about this.. and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE in my home since then.. a month and a half of emotional hell (mainly on my mom's side).. she says how i deceived them.. how i'm an evil son.. how the girl is deceptive b***h, how her entire family is entirely messed up for setting up the marriage.. all the way to the point of saying that she could even kill the girl if she had the power to..

and the worst part of it.. my mom gave me the ultimatum.. that either i leave the girl (thru annulment), or move in with her and never see my parents again)..

my dad understands my POV more, and he even started off siding with me.. but now he sides with mom when she yells at me.. but my dad doesn't like the ultimatum my mom gave me..

idk what to do.. i've always been close with my parents, but i know this girl isn't what my mom says she is.. i can't even focus on my life anymore with all this going on..

[StanleyIpkiss]

Hard to say man, this seems to have its roots in culture far more than 'relationships'. If my mother threatened me with something like that I would say to hell with her an move in with the girl. How serious do you think your mother is about never seeing you again? I mean, my parents would laugh if I told them I did this.

[michelle23]

You married a girl you barely know for a visa. I dont blame your mother for freaking out. I probably would too.. you could have just made the biggest mistake of your life.

[KingZ]

Hello. Similar cultural background as you, so I understand. However, I don't think it matters much.

What you did was stupid. The first step is admitting that. What you did was so, so beyond stupid. Further, what you did was almost illegal.

That said, it's not the end of the world. Try to remove all emotion from the equation and look at the facts alone. Your mother does not approve of this girl, or the conditions under which you decided to marry her. Instead of expressing it calmly, she's freaking out (standard mother behavior) and making it impossible to understand clearly.

This girl is not the end-all-be-all. The relationship is pretty much fu​cked to begin with. Your parents hate her, and she depends on you to stay in the country.

Just let her go. You people have a population of over a billion; about to pop out another billion here in a bit. Trust me, there will be others that don't come at a cost of completely wrecking your life.

- - - Updated - - -

Updating this because I just did a lookup on marriage fraud laws in the US. What you did was without a doubt illegal; no "almost" about it. Not that it really matters; just throwing it out there.

[wearymachine]

little more further explanation.. i talked to the girl about it.. she says she'd be devastated if i left her.. she said she'd even possibly end her life to teach my mom a lesson (and bc she said without me, and without being able to live in the US, her life would feel pointless)..

my dad met her, and it went fairly well.. but when my mom met her.. totally diff story..

my mom also said that she'd legally disown me if i stayed with the girl, and would take it to court over marriage fraud.. the situation at home is just horrendous.. worse than any nightmare i ever had

[Wakeup]

Do you honestly think she thinks your mother would give a flying eff off a rolling donut if she killed herself?

Dump Miss I Need A Husband or I'll Have To Go Home and stop feeling responsible for an obvious fraud artist who has taken you for a ride.