Insight needed

[Cellar_Door]

I am here looking for advices. I have known a very attractive coworker for 4-5 years. We are not working directly together, but we are living close to each other, so we regularly drive to work together. Over the past years, we became close as colleagues, sharing jokes, coffee breaks and finding ourselves a lot of common interests. Nothing more until recently.

A few months ago, this girl broke with her bf, and a few weeks ago it was my turn, so we are obviously both single. Two weeks ago, I shared some thoughts with her about my own separation, which was technically uneasy, and she proposed we could go out together on Sunday, to change my mind (and probably her). I didn’t accept immediately, because I didn't want to bother her with my problems. On Saturday, we had to go to work together, and she organized a small tea time with cakes, just the two of us. I used this time to ask her if finally her offer to go out on Sunday was still valid and she said yes.

So we found ourselves going out for a movie last Sunday (I offered her the place, unsure if she was coming for good time or just for support). Nothing exceptional about the afternoon, but I enjoyed the time with her, and I couldn’t help but notice that she was uncomfortable discussing with me (a lot of fidgeting with her necklace for example, and unusual jumps in discussions). I did not propose having a drink, so we directly went back home. During the trip back, she mentioned an exposition she would like to see, and at the last minute, she looked sad, saying that she hated making food in the evening. Looking back to this, I assume I should have asked her to go out for dinner, but I did not. She sent a message just after getting back home to thank me for the movie, to which I replied I had a great time.

Last week, I looked at her a bit differently, and noticed a few facts. Here are the major ones, as the rest was more subtle (so subtle I could have imagined them) : one day we took car together she wore some make up and changed her hair style (she never do that), with no obvious reason (she confirmed that she had nothing special to attend to). Later, some colleagues asked her what we did together during the week-end, and she defensively stated that it was her business only. And she never talked about the movie or our time together (while she usually speaks freely with our other colleagues about her week-end).

During the week, I passed in front of the advertisement for the exposition, and reminded that she was looking forward to seeing it. I sent her a message to ask her if she wanted to go there with me the next week-end. She answered that she didn’t know if she could make it and proposed to discuss it together the day after. However, for the next couple of days, no one of us started the discussion (I did not intend to, I was waiting for her to do it), and in the car, talk was uneasy (a lot of fidgeting, again…). My first opinion was that she was feeling uncomfortable with my invitation, so I decided not to insist and made myself forget about this. But Friday, at the very last minute before leaving the office for the week-end, she caught me in the corridor and asked me if it was still ok for the expo. At this point, I assumed she was uneasy or shy about asking, and waited until the very last minute to get back to me.

Of course I said yes, and we met during the week-end. I noticed that this time she wear different clothes than usual (new top, classy purse, classy vest). She seemed also very pleased about the perspective of the afternoon. The expo was a delight, and she accepted to have a coffee just after (actually, she planned to…). Yet, we did not really discuss a lot of personal matters, except about our previous partners (this is bad, I know). We parted our ways after 3 hours together. I sent a message to tell her thanks about the expo and hoping that we could do this again in the future. She answered that she had great time also.

I am puzzled. On one hand, I am not the kind to imagine things and her behavior could be explained solely by the need to spend some time out. On the other hand, I cannot exclude that something is going on. I am looking forward to having some advices on what to do to determine what’s going on. I feel she sends very mixed signals, or maybe because I am directly involved I cannot see if it is just friendship or romantic interest.

About this girl : she is very sociable (and of course attractive) and have a very strong personality. She has a very occupying job (as I do). She broke up from a – very – long relationship, and I assume that she is not really comfortable with practical seduction (same for me). However she never asks personal questions, and doesn’t seem to remember anything about me, which makes me think that despite everything I noticed, she just sees me as a potential friend. Also, a few days ago, she looked at one guy and said to me that she finds him cute, which is not he kind of things a girl would say to someone she is interested in.

Because this is happening on at our workplace, I can not really discuss this with other colleagues, So I am looking for external advices. What do you think is going on ?

Sorry for the long post, but I felt that details were needed to get the whole picture.

Thanks for your help.

CellarD

[smackie9]

She is keeping her options open. You are right she isn't that interested in you....she's just going out and having a good time. I doubt she is pondering the idea of a relationship except friendship with you. Her behavior speaks volumes to me about that. She's not looking different or changing her hair style for YOU, she is putting herself on the market to attract others. She is feeling awkward with you because of your expectations, and well to be honest right now, she's unsure about everything. Her mention of the other guy is her way of letting you know she will not be exclusive to you anytime soon. You are best to come forward with your intentions and just ask her if she is interested in dating or is she just wants to be single for awhile. There is no sense in wasting your time guessing, be straight with her. If you keep taking her out and developing feeling, you will find out she's out with someone else...it's gonna crush you.

[Satina]

She's sociable, attractive and a busy girl; and yet, she makes time specifically for you. So there you go. She's probably wondering by now why you haven't asked her out on a date (a real one) or made an actual move on her yet. That's the reason why she's sending you mixed signals: she's definitely interested in something more with you and in testing you as a potential mate, BUT she doesn't want to look like SHE's the one pursuing you!

And the mentioning the other guy was cute is probably her way of seeing if this could stir some jealousy in you (and maybe get you to act) or if it leaves you completely indifferent; I personally think it's rude, but some people do it to test the other person. I'm not saying this is her case, for all I know, maybe she thinks you're gay and she's just treating you like her best gal pal now...

One thing you're not saying is whether or not you're interested. You go on and on about what she does to get with you but what about you, what do you want? You have a serious chance with this girl, so if you do things right, she could very well be your next girlfriend.

P.S. Your cluelessness/gentleman-ness/whatever it is, I bet it's exactly what is piquing her interest and what's making her want to spend more time with you. I wouldn't change anything about it; it works, and it's a great way to take things slow.

[michelle23]

There isnt enough info here. Did you discuss dumping your partners together before doing it? Why did ye dump them? Are you sure shes not going to go running back to him? Do you have any regrets about your ex?

Even if you both wanted to-rushing into a new relationship so soon is a recipe for disaster