Unbearable urges to reconnect with ex... It's been 6+ years...

[fleur-de-lis]

I have been having almost unbearable urges to reconnect with my ex. We split 6+ years ago and had no communication for the last 5 of them. I know absolutely nothing about his personal life (he is not on any social media, and we have no common friends), and I am scared of many things that could happen. What if he does not respond? What if he is hostile or condescending towards me? And the most terrifying, what if he is in a happy relationship??? All those doubts are ripping my heart apart, but I can never get the guts to contact him. Even though I see him online in my skype contacts almost daily, and I also know his email address. With that, I would greatly appreciate advice on the following questions.

1. What would be the best way to reconnect: email or skype message?
2. What do I say in the first message? I cannot be direct about my intentions, right?
3. What would be the best timing to send the message: over the weekend, perhaps?
4. Any other advice?

Thanks a lot and may all of us find love and happiness we are looking for!

[Satina]

Well, a crucial piece of information could be: what terms were you on when the relationship ended, good or bad? (Since you write that you fear he may be hostile.) I think a lot of the answers to those questions may well depend on that...

[fleur-de-lis]

Satina, our split wasen't very bad. There was no nasty fighting, or ruined lives. He was upset, since he wanted to have kids and all and I wasen't ready (I was only 24 when we split, and he was 34), and I know for a fact that he was hurt. However, he called me about a year after our split (about 5 years ago) clearly looking to reconnect. To which I was not receptive as I was dating someone else at that time. And that was it. No contact since.

I am afraid that he may be hostile in a sense, soooo.... are you grown up now? Now you see what you rejected? Or: so what happened? Everybody dumped you and you are all lonely, seeing if I am still there for you? That kind of thing. And the truth is, I do feel like an idiot for dumping him. That was very immature of me. However, he could have waited also. He knew I just got accepted in the grad school and wanted to build a career. But he insisted. Argh. it's a sad situation all around :-(

[LadyRadiator2.0]

You and I are the same age and I can relate to your post on many levels. I'll ask you this: Based upon your life experiences and how you have connected with people over time, have you ever been completely sure of how the other person would respond to you, or what they would think? What I mean by this is, every time we connect with a person, or make an attempt, we are taking a chance that they may accept or reject us. The important thing to remember is, if this person does reject you, life will go on. Out of the 6 billion people on this earth, there are probably thousands of compatible men out there waiting to meet you. After reading your post, I'm wondering if you feel like there wasn't enough closure after you breakup with your ex. Maybe he's still on your mind because you have things that you want to say to him. Maybe getting this closure will help you move forward. If moving forward isn't something that you want to do and if you want to rekindle the relationship, take the chance when you're ready. Don't beat yourself up if your attempt to reconnect doesn't go as well as you want it to. Let it teach you something. This is how I try to approach things and I hope this helps you.

[Boisdevie]

Jeez, let it go. It's been six years. Thought about therapy because this is not healthy at all.

[gmone]

Jeez, let it go. It's been six years. Thought about therapy because this is not healthy at all.

Not necessarily. I think you are owning up to things but should not feel like an idiot. I mean, imagine what could have happened had you given in and bore children to this guy. You'd be frustrated as hell.

[Wakeup]

I have been having almost unbearable urges to reconnect with my ex. We split 6+ years ago and had no communication for the last 5 of them. I know absolutely nothing about his personal life (he is not on any social media, and we have no common friends), and I am scared of many things that could happen. What if he does not respond? What if he is hostile or condescending towards me? And the most terrifying, what if he is in a happy relationship??? All those doubts are ripping my heart apart, but I can never get the guts to contact him. Even though I see him online in my skype contacts almost daily, and I also know his email address. With that, I would greatly appreciate advice on the following questions.

1. What would be the best way to reconnect: email or skype message?
2. What do I say in the first message? I cannot be direct about my intentions, right?
3. What would be the best timing to send the message: over the weekend, perhaps?
4. Any other advice?

Thanks a lot and may all of us find love and happiness we are looking for!

No disrespect intended but rather a suggestion when I say "get a life."

Its been five years and hopefully he is in a happy healthy, reciprocal long term relationship by now.

Delete him from ALL social media and get on with your life. You are wasting your youth on someone, who if they wanted you in their life, would be in your life.

I wish YOU to find love and happiness. Stagnating yourself over someone who hasn't reached out to you in over five years is not going to facilitate that into your life. Let go of all thoughts of him so you can let a new "him" in.

Giving you advice on how to reach out to him, IMO is not doing you a good service.