can you recover from being clingy

[sixxdawg]

Guys, is it possible?

With a new girl or even a girl you have been seeing?

what are the tips?

Just lay back a bit and show that it's not the normal you?

[TheEvilJester]

I think maybe "recovering" from it is the wrong way to word it. If you tend to be a clingy type of person, it is probably not the sort of thing you will ever get over 100%. So, it is much more important to realize this, and recognize that you are clingy rather than to try to force yourself not to be clingy. The reason I say that is because the true solution would be to learn how to work around it.

I wouldn't quite describe myself as "clingy" but I do have some feelings from time to time. For example, when I meet a new friend I really like, or a girl in whom I may be interested, I tend to over-obsess a little bit, over-analyze, and drive myself absolutely crazy. I drive myself crazy over-analyzing every little thing I do or say, or every little thing they do or say, almost convinced it is too good to be true and they are going to stop liking me.

What has helped me a great deal is realizing I am this way, and realizing that I will probably never be able to change it. However, what I can change is how I react to it. I've learned to engage my rational self as well, and tell myself "You are being an idiot. This person obviously likes you, or they just wouldn't be your friend. Besides, if they don't like you, that is their loss." Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

But, it is important to remember that it is okay if you are a bit clingy, but it is best to keep it mostly within yourself. In other words, in your mind you may be thinking "Oh my God! This girl is so awesome! I want to be with her 24/7 for the rest of my life..." or something like that. However, outwardly, you should act towards her like anybody else would with a new love interest. In other words, obviously don't act like you couldn't possibly care less, but at the same time, don't go crazy on them and act like you think you are soulmates right off the bat. If it turns out you two do really hit it off well, there will be plenty of time for that down the road. If/when you become more serious, women tend to like that stuff (again, still without over-doing it). So, that is when guys like us can see the benefit of being the way we are. We really truly do care when we have a partner we like.

A lot of people call it "putting the person on a pedestal." It is okay to do that within your own mind, but you don't want to overdo it around the actual person themselves, and especially not early on. I hope that helps at least somewhat, and I'm happy to elaborate if you have further questions. Frankly, these types of questions are my favorite to answer here because I've suffered through stuff like that myself, and have had to learn how to adapt.

[sixxdawg]

I think maybe "recovering" from it is the wrong way to word it. If you tend to be a clingy type of person, it is probably not the sort of thing you will ever get over 100%. So, it is much more important to realize this, and recognize that you are clingy rather than to try to force yourself not to be clingy. The reason I say that is because the true solution would be to learn how to work around it.

I wouldn't quite describe myself as "clingy" but I do have some feelings from time to time. For example, when I meet a new friend I really like, or a girl in whom I may be interested, I tend to over-obsess a little bit, over-analyze, and drive myself absolutely crazy. I drive myself crazy over-analyzing every little thing I do or say, or every little thing they do or say, almost convinced it is too good to be true and they are going to stop liking me.

What has helped me a great deal is realizing I am this way, and realizing that I will probably never be able to change it. However, what I can change is how I react to it. I've learned to engage my rational self as well, and tell myself "You are being an idiot. This person obviously likes you, or they just wouldn't be your friend. Besides, if they don't like you, that is their loss." Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

But, it is important to remember that it is okay if you are a bit clingy, but it is best to keep it mostly within yourself. In other words, in your mind you may be thinking "Oh my God! This girl is so awesome! I want to be with her 24/7 for the rest of my life..." or something like that. However, outwardly, you should act towards her like anybody else would with a new love interest. In other words, obviously don't act like you couldn't possibly care less, but at the same time, don't go crazy on them and act like you think you are soulmates right off the bat. If it turns out you two do really hit it off well, there will be plenty of time for that down the road. If/when you become more serious, women tend to like that stuff (again, still without over-doing it). So, that is when guys like us can see the benefit of being the way we are. We really truly do care when we have a partner we like.

A lot of people call it "putting the person on a pedestal." It is okay to do that within your own mind, but you don't want to overdo it around the actual person themselves, and especially not early on. I hope that helps at least somewhat, and I'm happy to elaborate if you have further questions. Frankly, these types of questions are my favorite to answer here because I've suffered through stuff like that myself, and have had to learn how to adapt.

but if you are in a relationship tht has been going on a while and you find yourself becoming attatched can you back off?

[hoxtonchris]

i am in a relationship ,i think the world of her,she is very tiny i am 6foot and 15 stones,i am normaly protective ,so when a woman of her stature is at all unwell i tend to be a little overprotective,smothering ,and or clingy.fortunatly she was able to point this out to me.now when i feel proactively protective,,,i,e call her on the phone early to make sure she up early enough for her docs appointment.over affectionate when she tired or unwell.i hold back,give her space and realise if she needs me she will prob let me know.dont text too often ,remember becouse you are alone and lonelydosnt mean she is. she may be with friends,cos you are thinking of her dosnt mean she is thinking of you!

[basilandthyme]

but if you are in a relationship tht has been going on a while and you find yourself becoming attatched can you back off?

There's nothing wrong with getting attached and looking towards a future together. Unless 'attached' isn't the word you mean? Can you explain further?

[Satina]

You recover from being clingy by finding someone so extraordinary and that you admire and respect so much that you are willing to change yourself to become a stronger, more confident independent person for them (and for yourself, of course).

OR you "recover" from being clingy by being with someone who's just as clingy as you are (there many OAGs out there), which would make your clinginess not a problem anymore.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, if you are already in a relationship, as long as it is long term, and still going strong, then why does it matter if you are clingy? A lot of women would like that. It shows you really do care. Obviously, you still don't want to be TOO clingy. Everybody needs some time apart now and then. Plus, the important thing to remember is that, no matter how great a relationship may be, and no matter how devastating it may be if it ended, if it did end for any reason, it isn't the end of your world. Not saying it would be easy to get over, but eventually you would move on, and eventually find somebody else. The only person in life you truly cannot live without is yourself. There are plenty of people in life you'd rather not live without, but if you absolutely had to, you could. Once you can make yourself acknowledge that, it is a little easier to control your clinginess a bit.

[OrangeSun]

I am clingy and lost the love of my life from it. I dont fall for to many but new Id get into someone and wanr to spend all my time. But never fell for someone hard to now. And pushed and got clingy real to fast. So I learned my lesson and have to hold back alot of emotion I real most cantt handle. I wish I learned befiore this one but I dont five up. Also try to connect with more folks so wgile I might obsess I will keep it to myself and not overwhelm others on it

[bekho]

Rue the days when you are no longer a clingy person for the one you love for you are cold and dead inside.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Tiny]

Keep yourself busy...fill up your schedule! Do stuff away from or excluding your partner. hope it helps

[TheEvilJester]

Something I have been learning is that when you learn better control of it, being a clingy person can be a wonderful feeling. It can make you feel great to have somebody to be clingy for in the first place. You just have to learn the proper balance of not being overly clingy TO the person. Keep some of it inside. Learn better control of it. I'm not saying it is easy. For people like us it will always be a struggle and a constant balancing act. But, those times when you can put things in balance (you are clingy to the right degree outwardly to the person, are able to internalize it to some degree so as not to over-do it, and are able to engage your intellectual side to remember that, as awesome as the person may be, they are just a person just like you and if they left you, then it would suck, but maybe it would mean they weren't worthy of you anyway) are just amazing. To want somebody with all the passion you can muster, but to know deep down that if something bad happened to end your relationship/friendship/whatever, you'd be sad, but you'd eventually move on... It's a good feeling. It is worth the struggle. And some day, you will find the person for whom you can feel that way, and never have to lose them. You will know you will eventually be okay if you did lose them, but you won't have to "eventually be okay," because they will be the one you won't lose. I hope to find mine some day.

[smackie9]

Clingy/needy = insecure, not passion or attachment.

Distance/space = passion, excitement, self worth.

Attraction = confidence, independence, positive attitude

If distance/ space fills you with worry and insecurity, you have problems.

[michelle23]

Guys, is it possible?

With a new girl or even a girl you have been seeing?

what are the tips?

Just lay back a bit and show that it's not the normal you?

Define clingy. I was with a guy who I thought at the time was "clingy". The reality was there was something wrong with me, not him. I had no interest, made an effort to see him maybe once a month and thought he was clingy after he rang me for an hour each night..

I think clingy just means shes not that into you unless you bitch if she wants to spend an hour with her friends.. then thats clingy and controlling

[TheEvilJester]

That is a good point, Michelle. I think your particular definition of clingy would also certainly help clarify the situation. For my part, though I've always had some level of clingy feelings when I am interested in a girl, or have a really good friend, I have always been able to mostly internalize it. In other words, I don't call the person over and over and over, or ask them every single time I see them if they may want to hang out.

When I like somebody enough, even just as a friend, I would certainly love to be in contact with them every day. But, I try not to go out of my way to force it, because I understand that it may be a bit much for some people. So, I do make the effort to make it clear I am interested (be it somebody I am interested in as a friend, or a girl I am interested in as more than friends), but I try to then back off a bit and let them kind of dictate through their actions how they see the friendship/relationship and go from there.

I suppose that is good advice for how to handle being clingy. As best you can, internalize it and remember that if the person isn't equally clingy towards you, that doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you, or are indifferent to you. That is one important lesson I have had to learn in life, and it has helped me a great deal once I finally started to realize it. People are different. Some people like to be in constant contact, some not so much. The latter folks, they may think you are the most awesome person in the world, but would still only reach out from time to time. So, in a relationship, they may not feel the constant need to be close 24/7, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are any less excited about the relationship or any less committed to it.

For me, a big part of what has finally helped me to realize that is a really good friend I have know a few years now. She is about one of the best people I have ever known in my life. Loyal, trustworthy, and in many ways a great friend to have. (Just a friend, by the way, before anybody gets any ideas I am implying something.) Sometimes her and I may go months without even talking, but then will pick it up like we never missed a day. Sometimes I will e-mail her or send her a quick text. I may not hear back right away, sometimes not even until a day or so later. But, I always hear back eventually. She has voluntarily (without me asking) told me how highly she thinks of me, so it isn't as though she doesn't have interest in talking to me. So, the way I figure it, if somebody who is that good of a person, and who obviously thinks I am a pretty darn good person (for whatever strange reason, LOL) is like that, then it obviously doesn't mean anything beyond that is just her way.

....I have no idea how I got on that long tangent. .... I hope some of that crazy helped. LOL!

[smackie9]

I find someone who is overly clingy most likely has a form of OCD, especially those who post a wall of text, it's quite noticable.