I do not understand my wife

[cosquin]

My wife and I have been long together. Normally we have sex on weekends. But sometimes she doesn't want to do it. She is completely cold or moody.I get mad in these circumstances.
Then, one or two days later, she is being the initiator (normaly I'm the one purposing it), and showing completely passionate.
My question is: how is that possible to change so abruptly? Is she pretending? Does she so by remorse? Is that a women's usual behavior? I need opinions to solve this puzzle.

[surfhb2]

My wife and I have been long together. Normally we have sex on weekends. But sometimes she doesn't want to do it. It is completely cold or moody.I get mad in these circumstances.
Then, one or two days later, she is being the initiator (normaly I'm the one purposing it), and showing completely passionate.
My question is: how is that possible to change so abruptly? She is pretending? She does so by remorse? Is that a women's usual behavior? I need opinions to solve this puzzle.

....And when you discuss this with her she says what?

[cosquin]

....And when you discuss this with her she says what?

She says nothing. Just smails or something like that. This is the reason I'm asking here.

[searock]

Eh, it's perfectly normal to be more horny on some days and less horny (or not horny at all) on other days. When she isn't in the mood, don't push it and for pete's sake don't get mad. It's a waste of time and it just makes you two drift apart in the long run. What's the big deal anyway? You can have sex when you are both in the mood.

[cosquin]

Ok Searock, you're probably right. I suppose that I get mad because there is a possibility that I don't have more chance until the other weekend.
This seems to be another big difference between my wife and I. While she can spend days and up to a week without sex, I literally 'rip the walls' if I am obliged in a long time of abstinence.LOL

[searock]

Just remember that the more you push her into having sex, the less in the mood she will be. A pushy partner is one of the biggest turn-offs ever. If you are horny and she isn't in the mood, take care of yourself (masturbate), obviously without making her feel like she somehow "wronged" you or whatever, do it privately and don't make a huge deal out of her rejection. Prove to her that you are not pushy and manipulative, and she will come to you more often. Unless, of course, she has a different sex drive from you altogether. In which case, why did you marry her?

[cosquin]

Just remember that the more you push her into having sex, the less in the mood she will be. A pushy partner is one of the biggest turn-offs ever.

Yes, that's something I was aware through this forum.
And yeah, we have definitively different sex drives.
First you have to keep in mind that I married her 28 years ago; When the knowledge in that department was little(sometimes zero) before marriage. second I thought she was bound by fear, guilt...that sort of things; and that once she was married she would be released. It did not occur completely, but nonetheless we managed to cope with a quite happy marriage anyway.
My cuestion had to do more with the way women are wired, because I know how men feel, but I don't understand totally how women work.

[searock]

Well... let's say that if you are always in the mood, for your wife it doesn't work the same way. Some days she will be in the mood and some other days she won't be. You just have to be patient and wait for her to be in the mood - or divorce, but based on what you're saying the situation isn't that bad. There's nothing to do but accept her different sex drive and avoid doing anything (like pushing her) that might make her "in the mood" days even scarcer.

[Wakeup]

What do you do when you initiate sex with her? Do you sit around ignoring her all day or night just to make your move while you're in bed with her?
What is your strategy?

[cosquin]

What do you do when you initiate sex with her? Do you sit around ignoring her all day or night just to make your move while you're in bed with her?
What is your strategy?

I recognize that in the past I have made that mistake. Then I learned that I must start 'preparing the terrain' beforehand, if I want to get something good at the night.
Leaving aside our difference in sex drive, we get along pretty well. Now that the nights are turning cold, we like to give heat each other and we use sleep embraced.Sometimes she teases me, giving me back and pounding her butt against my 'parts'. She knows that makes me crazy; but she makes it and then falls asleep. Just another of our incompatibility is the sleep diference. While she likes to sleep, I sleep little. That does not help either.

[Wakeup]

I recognize that in the past I have made that mistake. Then I learned that I must start 'preparing the terrain' beforehand, if I want to get something good at the night.
Leaving aside our difference in sex drive, we get along pretty well. Now that the nights are turning cold, we like to give heat each other and we use sleep embraced.Sometimes she teases me, giving me back and pounding her butt against my 'parts'. She knows that makes me crazy; but she makes it and then falls asleep. Just another of our incompatibility is the sleep diference. While she likes to sleep, I sleep little. That does not help either.

Thank you, but that doesn't answer the question of what do you do to prime her during the day, what do you do to arouse her mind so her body will follow?

[cosquin]

Well, I try to be hint, suggestive, I praise her look, I touch her in a special way, I give passionate kisses and that sort of things.

[Wakeup]

When is the last time you took her out and just had fun, talked about nothing with her, treated her like she was the woman you first fell in love with?

[searock]

Well, I try to be hint, suggestive, I praise her look, I touch her in a special way, I give passionate kisses and that sort of things.

So basically what you do is constantly nag her for sex.

[cosquin]

When is the last time you took her out and just had fun, talked about nothing with her, treated her like she was the woman you first fell in love with?

It was March 15, when we had our 28th anniversary. We don't usally go out so much really. But that is a preference of both of us.

So basically what you do is constantly nag her for sex.

No, that isn't constantly. As I said in the first post, currently just on weekends.