22 y.o. with feelings for an escort. Difficult situation.

[afc2014]

Basically, I know this is not the most ideal of circumstances, but I would like the advice of the people here.

As a client, I have never seen visiting escorts as more than just sex and light hearted chats. I have never really had any problems dating women in private life and I liked visiting escorts because of the choices available to me in being single. I have never visited an escort more than once because to be honest, I have just moved on to my next girl without much thought; I did not want emotional stuff to get in the way of my carefree and fun life.

I was educated in a Russell Group university, well presented, well spoken and I like to look after myself. So, it’s not a case of me being weird or desperate.
Last week, I visited a girl for the first time and as the half hour went on I felt differently to how I felt before. I know, it is only half an hour, and I have only met her once after that for another half an hour. But, I just cannot get myself to just forget about her and move on, I have been miserable for days now trying to just forget.

We got talking and it turns out we are the same age (she’s just started escorting recently), have the same background and so forth. As it is a professional client-escort arrangement, I am just surprised that she has shared such intimate details of her life (her pain at the death of a parent and her looking to God for guidance, her having to look after her younger siblings after the death and explain it to them and her confessing her escorting to the church). I do not know whether to take this emotional intimacy as real or not real, or whether I am just being delusional and that this is the way she usually is to people. She also commented on time going by so quickly in the session and we have this thing where I like lifting her up because it is fun.

I also shared some of my private life with her. Such as living in a very religious background, where I am lying to my family about seeing girls (they believe in no sex before marriage), where I believe I won’t be faithful in settling down with one woman because I cannot help myself - I am inherently polygamous. I was honest in telling her also that I don’t think she should tell her future partner about her escorting even though she wants any serious partner to know. She was honest in telling me at the end of our session that I should be truthful with my very religious mum (and therefore my family) that I am seeing her although obviously not to mention the escorting part.

The sex? I try not to analyse it too much, too many variables. It is very passionate but then again she could be like that with other clients. In all honesty though, I have never been this physically addicted to a girl. I have always been the first to say goodbye and leave on a happy note.
I am trying to forget about her, I am really not usually like this. But, I just cannot forget about her. I feel terrible and I just want to be with her. I am not one of these guys that is about getting sex from her for free because I can do that with other girls both in and outside of the escorting world. Although, obviously I would try with her if we were dating. But, the fact is, I don’t want any other girls now at all. It is not even about the sex (although it feels amazing) , I just love being with her and I don’t care if she has no makeup on , if she snores in bed etc etc.

I can understand that she needs the escorting job to support herself. I work in a non-graduate job myself and know how hard it is. But, I just want to eventually see a future together if that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like this is such a messed up circumstance, but at this point I feel like I am screwed in the emotional sense anyway. I am trying hard to just distance myself from her but I am just physically and mentally unable to do that. She is not working afaik for the next week or two. But, I just want closure.

[smiling100]

I found myself in a similar situation the last time I went a few years ago. The moment I laid eyes on her I went wow! I booked her for three hours instead of one lol.

I just kept telling myself she was an escort & who knows if she is telling me the truth or not. I didn't like the fact that any random dude could be shagging her 5-10 times a night. That seemed to get me over her rather quick. If I kept going back to see her I know it would of been a head fck & emotions would start to get involved.

If you are that into her why don't you ask her out? If she says yes work it out from there, if she says no well you know to move on, get her out of your system & go no contact.

[michelle23]

Sex and emotions go together. Just coz your men dont make you immune to it. and escorts? At 22? Seriously? You do realize that its a service for sad, desperate men who have never had a gf in their lives? Usually old men

[Valixy]

If you can have a crush on someone just by interchanging a few words, it's only normal to develop one by becoming intimate with a woman, I suppose. Relationships are much more complex than that though. We tend to become possesive and jealous and all kind of prejudices that we didn't even know we have can start playing in our minds all of a sudden or we simply end up discovering that certain principles we thought we didn't care about, we actually do.

What happened between you and her shows that you can enjoy an emotional connection with someone and pure sex might not always be enough for you, but if you keep seeing her you'll realise that your attraction starts to fade or you'll fall even harder for her, probably. Either way, the circumstances you both have are very complicated and there are little chances for you and her to work together. I think that you should just consider it a crush, give yourself time and forget about her. None of you is at a moment when you could have a relationship, you want to stay single, she needs the money and you both have other issues that you need to take care of in your lives.

Something between you two could only work if you were both willing to do some radical changes in your life, which I doubt any of you could easily. And remember, if something doesn't start well, it rarely ends well.

[smiling100]

Seriously? You do realize that its a service for sad, desperate men who have never had a gf in their lives? Usually old men

Do you honestly think Hugh Grant is the only good looking guy to ever pay for sex?

Most single guys have paid for sex at least once in their life Michelle & some even have partners & do it which I do not condone at all

Most guys will never tell their partner that either.

I know when i've paid for it I looked at it as a bit of a laugh.

[dem862]

Sex and emotions go together. Just coz your men dont make you immune to it. and escorts? At 22? Seriously? You do realize that its a service for sad, desperate men who have never had a gf in their lives? Usually old men

Actually, it is empowering for men not to have to kiss a whiny, conceited woman's ass for a change just to get laid. And it removes the necessity of having to pretend you love her or care about her stupid, drama-filled life and emotions. It's just raw sex for money, and nothing more. Everybody knows it and accepts it. Why do you feel so threatened by it?

[KingZ]

Shit's about to get real.

[afc2014]

Sex and emotions go together. Just coz your men dont make you immune to it. and escorts? At 22? Seriously? You do realize that its a service for sad, desperate men who have never had a gf in their lives? Usually old men

Being totally honest, I just did it for a bit of fun, I like sex and I found it dirty and exciting as a single young man with a high sex drive, that is why I liked it. Because it feels so wrong, but so right at the same time. I went in with the mindset that these women were just for sex, yes it objectifies them (and this turned me on tbh) but then again they may (or may not) be attracted to me but at the end of the day i am objectified for my money. This way of thinking prevented me from falling in love before, I have never in come close to it both in and out of escorting. From bar girls i've made out with, to casual sex and to casual relationships. This feeling has honestly hit me like a train, I did not expect it. I miss her and I just cannot get her out of my mind.

I don't care if it is not an imperfect situation, because i do not want anyone else. I can get a girlfriend yes, I can sleep with another girl yes. But i just find that so empty now. I can change, and for her I want to change. It is so alien to me that I find someone I feel this way with, and I have tried fighting how i feel but i can't anymore. Normally i would be disgusted with myself for not being able to control how i feel, for placing my own happiness in some girl, especially an escort. I am really not the type of person to be 'falling in love' at all , i find the idea a bit embarrassing and emasculating at times. But i just don't care anymore. I felt so happy and at rest with her (even in the short space of time i have known her) that I don't care. It is everything about us that I like, that we were just in sync and finished each other sentences off, shared backgrounds with religion/medical profession family/age/we are both the oldest sibling in our families, the messing about with me carrying her around for a laugh, the banter, to the fact that she felt comfortable enough to share some very private low points in her life with me. I did not tell her the same level of details from my life however. I was the one holding back, i do not show as much emotion as her, but i wish i just let her know how i really feel. I think she can sense how i feel though, women do have a sense for these things.

I am miserable all of the time anyway now, I have never felt like this before. If she rejects me, I can move on, it will really hurt. But, I know there is a chance for us to be together in the future one day and I hope she feels the same. I think there is something there, but, i need to know so i can get closure.

The wait, however, is tearing me up. I am going on holiday soon for my birthday with some mates from my old rugby club. No doubt, they will try to get me to be with some girl abroad, but i am honestly not looking forward to it. I feel ashamed just writing all of this out, as I just feel out of control with it all.

[smiling100]

You can't control who you fall for. It's like an addiction to a drug.

Don't be ashamed. If she rejects you just make sure you stay away from her.

[Lilia]

How beautiful was she on a scale of 10?

[michelle23]

Actually, it is empowering for men not to have to kiss a whiny, conceited woman's ass for a change just to get laid. And it removes the necessity of having to pretend you love her or care about her stupid, drama-filled life and emotions. It's just raw sex for money, and nothing more. Everybody knows it and accepts it. Why do you feel so threatened by it?

I dont feel threatened by it but I do think its wrong on a lot of levels and nothing you say will change my mind on that. I think you lot would be better off spending your money on a therapist.

And smiling its total BS that "most" men do this. That is just your way of justifying it to yourself.

[dem862]

I dont feel threatened by it but I do think its wrong on a lot of levels and nothing you say will change my mind on that. I think you lot would be better off spending your money on a therapist.

And smiling its total BS that "most" men do this. That is just your way of justifying it to yourself.

Well, if you think it is wrong, then don't do it. There, problem solved.

And what other people do with their own money, is none of your business, now is it, hun.

No need to justify it to myself; I don't have any problem with what two adults agree to do in private. You do.

[afc2014]

Well, if you think it is wrong, then don't do it. There, problem solved.

And what other people do with their own money, is none of your business, now is it, hun.

No need to justify it to myself; I don't have any problem with what two adults agree to do in private. You do.

Can everyone stop arguing please?

At this point, I don't care anymore whether it is right or wrong to have seen her as an escort in the first place, I just know that I don't want to see other girls anymore. I don't know what is happening in the sense that other girls now seem invisible to me no matter how hard i try to just look at other girls in a sexual way to get me over this. It's very confusing to me, this feeling, and I can't really make sense of it. None of this makes sense, these are such illogical feelings, I literally have lost a sense of control over how i feel.

[chinagirl]

Why don't you ask her out? Maybe even make love to her without paying her and see how that feels. Then at the end of the day, if you can live with the thought of her being penetrated and having oral sex with more strange men than you can ever imagine, then it must be true love.

[afc2014]

You can't control who you fall for. It's like an addiction to a drug.

Don't be ashamed. If she rejects you just make sure you stay away from her.

I'm just constantly torn between pain and happiness. I am ashamed at myself for having such a lack of control over how i feel, how i know she sees other men and gives them the same passion. I fear that to her I am just a sin that she confesses away at church. No matter whether she likes me or not, I am a sin. The whole point of confession is that she is forgiven by God for seeing me and tries not to sin again. Therefore i think that eventually she will want nothing to do with me anymore. I know this and yet i cannot let go and forget about her. I want to be able to just forget and move on, but i cannot, i wish i was able to get my old self back, but i cannot. Usually I am so full of "banter" and "laddish" jokes, but i have just not been myself. I know it's not just lust, I cannot quite explain it, I will be very hurt if she does not feel the same, but i will stay away from her and wish her the best.