5 years 2 kids & girlfriend feeling down confused - Relationship Advice badly needed

[ash_170287]

Hi guys,

first post here im 27 years old I first met my partner at 20. but we've been together 5 years.
I really care for her alot and want to see her happy. In fact I want to see everyone in life happy no one deserves to be hurt
or have to suffer emotionally.

I feel awful saying this but the attraction isn't there anymore it is to an extent but I dont crave for her or have high desires for her., my girlfriend can be nice but she can also be ruthless and make bad rash decisions when in a mood and as loving and caring as shes percieved and the whole world thinks she is, she has a cold stubborn painful side that comes out, at least a week to every other week in a row...
usually its over petty things.
I'm craving the desire to break free - but it would also break my heart to let her go.
sexually I want to move on and have an emptyness I have alot to offer and there are many girls who would be appreciative. But also I cant be sure the right decision is to break up

my daughter is completely besotted by me and she loves her daddy more than anything. It will destroy me to have to move out and only see her once or twice a week I also have
a baby boy 3 months they are wonderful happy beautiful kids and they deserve the best from life, beautiful souls and I dont want them to have to experience the pain.

Part of me feels I should sacrifice my own life to give them a secure upbringing and full time father to be their full time every day protector. Even if It means My love life, sex life and social life have to
be diminished by alot in order to provide them with this and she basically controlls what I do.
She is good to me sometimes, I just find it hard to express emotions to her and effection because I feel restricted in a way

I come from a broken home and I dont want my kids to be effected because of their parents breaking up. I know two parents giving a full time input is far better for their children.

I haven't cheated because I cant deal with the emotional stigma but we row and I get close to it and prepare myself for the break up and consider options, via talking to girls
online..

Sometimes I try and im happy to sacrifice everything but deep inside me there is a desire to just break free have new relationships or sexual partners.
but Im scared to break free because it would be so so painful
Also I dont know if its the right or safest path for me to move out on my own Its a really hard decision as to what is right....
It might just be lust and my own habits forming above the surface which could be ruining something good - maybe me wanting sex with other girls is the problem?

I feel my home is there and I belong there
when ive briefly moved out, I feel cold and alone and spend most of my nights in devastation missing my kids, and even my girlfriend

[chinagirl]

Why don't you try and work out things with her? Talk to her and let her know how you feel. Maybe she is as depressed and lonely as you are. In every relationship, communication is the key to keeping it together.

[michelle23]

New babies take a toll on a relationship. You have a 3month old which means this past year has been hard for you both. That isnt a reason to run as soon as things get a little difficult. You have to be strong and realize nothing stays bad forever. Every couple has rough patches and its not meant to be easy all the time.

Have you even tried talking to her about her mood swings and how they affect you?

Also, seeking attention online is a form of cheating and it is making you believe the grass is greener. You need to stop it and at least try to make this work.

I think everyone in a long term relationship has these thoughts at some point. "Is the grass greener"? Many people are able to work through these doubts and realize they already have everything they want and need. You may just be looking for a temporary escape from reality coz your not coping with all the recent changes. Find a healthier way to cope and try to remember why you love this woman.

Your interactions online are the biggest issue here-clouding your judgement and making you think being single is awesome. The reality is you will get bored fast and end up looking for love again which is something you already have

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Btw if you were my man and I caught you online-you would be out so the decision may be taken out of your hands soon if your not careful. Its time to grow up and do the right thing.

You dont even have a real reason to end this relationship. Sure shes moody occasionally but who isnt?

[bulrush]

my girlfriend can be nice but she can also be ruthless and make bad rash decisions when in a mood and as loving and caring as shes percieved and the whole world thinks she is, she has a cold stubborn painful side that comes out, at least a week to every other week in a row...
usually its over petty things.

This is really bad, and it gets worse if you get married and combine assets. You could lose the house, and more, if she makes one bad decision. Is that the risk you want in your life? And she does this over petty things? You will have no peace with her. She does this over petty things because she cannot control herself.

I'm craving the desire to break free - but it would also break my heart to let her go.

Any time 2 people break up it's painful. But sometimes it has to be done. I think you can do better.

[nopickuplines]

Maybe moving away doesn't have to be the ultimate option. I know this may seem odd, but if you tell your wife this in the right way she might be up for it.

Ever thought of having an open relationship with her instead? This would mean that you'd have the freedom to see other girls, have sex with other girls, but still live together with the mother of your kids? The way you can explain this to your wife is, I feel like we can really benefit from seeing other people in our lives. It might spark some spontaneity in our lives, and can even save our relationship. Tell her that you have thought of outright leaving but you love your kids so much and you know it'd be best for both of them to have their mother and their father protecting them.

Tell her how you want to save the relationship, but really need to date other girls in the meantime, and you wouldn't leave, because you love your kids so much. When there is chemistry between both of you, you can have sex, and have excitement, and when there isn't you have other relationships that can keep you feeling like a man. In the long run both of you will be happier around the house, and this will allow you both to be the best parents you can be.

It's an option.

[basilandthyme]

Your partner sounds like a right pain in the arse. And I suspect your misery isn't a passing phase. I'm not sure why the other posters aren't picking up on the fact she's controlling and stubborn. I suspect that if you were a female and your male partner was controlling, you'd get different responses.

Having said that, I do agree that you need to give this all you can. Have you done marriage counselling? If so, how did it work out?

[michelle23]

She doesn't sound controlling to me. She sounds stressed and unhappy probably because there not working together and a new baby causes sleepless nights.

[basilandthyme]

He said "she basically controls what I do". She can also be ruthless and make bad decisions. None of this is caused by childbirth