Lost trust with husband...newborn baby...now what

[Paceavery]

Short background on me and my dh- we've been together for 7 years, married for almost 3. We've known each other for 10 years. He is very driven when it comes to being successful and always has been. He got a job that requires a lot of hours and a lot of effort even when home. He is in charge of a lot of people, requiring him to basically always be on call when it comes to overseeing a lot of employees. He's been at the company for 4 years and has moved up fast and for that I'm very proud. However, he often takes working hard a bit too far and lacks a good home and work balance. This has been an issue for us that we struggle with a lot. That being said, all his employees are constantly texting him. My husband is a nice person, and always wants people to like him so he's always very nice. This being nice can often be taken the wrong way, which he just doesn't get. A lot of his employees are a few years younger and not as mature so they often can take him being nice as flirting. Because he doesn't think he's flirting, he doesn't see it that way. They will text stupid things like wonky faces and just little things that are annoying. 2.5 years ago before we got married I told him it all has to stop. The stupid texts, the over workin while at home. He did hold a meeting and told his employees they need to start being able to do things themselves and can't rely on him so much and he needs to be able to have more family time. We did have some issues here and there with him erasing text messages that were sent to him from employees- he would delete them because he knew I would get mad- which I've explained is NOT a reason and he needs to set boundaries so he simply doesn't get those text messages. Point blank. It was never anything really out of line, just smilies and winks and things like that- but things that someone who is trying to move up in a company doesn't need to be recieving. It should be professional and that's it.

Fast forward to now. We are married, and just had a beautiful little baby. One of the things I bought before having the baby was an iPad so I had shows to watch during labor and post partum (I love my tv shows haha). When I hooked it up, it was connected to his iTunes account. This had all his iMessages come to the iPad. I didn't think anything of it since he never hides his phone or anything. Flash forward to 5 weeks pp. My dh had been in a meeting all day the day before and worked this day and when he got home I gave him the baby so I could take a bath and relax. I grabbed the iPad that I hadn't used in weeks (having a baby has impacted my show watching!) and sat down. I saw a text from a number I didn't know. The text read as follows:

Girl: look who's number I finally have
Dh: it's a disposable phone, i get a new one tomorrow
Girl: well I'll take what I can get ;)
Dh: lol send me a pic
Girl: okay I'll go to the bathroom shortly.....
Dh: wha you don't have one
Girl: no I erase them :(

End of texts. This was the previous day during his meeting. I called the number, and it was an old employee who had moved to a different branch over a year ago. However, they sometimes are in meetings together when the two branches combine. The girl is our age and had friended him on Facebook back when she worked there. She had liked some wedding pictures, so she was aware we were married. I had questioned who she was when she liked a few of my pictures and my dh just said oh some employee who left.

During the meeting they announced my dh having a new baby. This girl was well aware that he just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and also knew he was married. She actually just got married 3 days ago, so at the time of these texts she was getting married in less than a month.

I went ballistic. While I'm home wxhausted up all night long with my baby, he's texting another girl about sending him pictures which obviously meant naked pictures.

His reasoning is as follows: back when she worked there, she would
Page him back to her department a lot to the point where some other employee thought something was going on between them. He had to sit the employee down and explain that nothing was going on, and he said him and this girl thought it was hysterical anyone would think anything was going on since they both were engaged etc. After that whole incident, he refused to give out his phone number to anyone in that department, including this girl. She never had his number previous to this, but had asked other employees for it and he told people not to give out his number to that department. He did say she was flirty and often crossed the line which is why he never wanted her to have his number and stopped going back to that department.

The day in the meeting he is in charge of a fundraiser and had to group text everyone there the link to donate money. This girl was one of the people in the group text. Hence why she texted I finally have your number.

My dh says the texts were all a big joke and they were joking since they thought it was so funny that other people thought something was going on. However he has no explanation of where the "send me a pic" came from or how it's tied into this "joke". She never did have his number before which is the only thing he has going for him right now.

When I saw the texts he said it was a joke. Then then left and
Called her, and then I called her and she stuck to the joke story.
Of course he had already talked to her and could have easily had her stick to this joke story.

Where it's funny to joke like that with a married man with a newborn baby is beyond me. The only thing he has going for him is the fact that she didn't actually send a picture, which can semi go along with the joke aspect because why didn't she send the picture? He says if he wanted a picture and it wasn't a joke why wasn't there a picture or why didn't he text her again asking for
A picture?

When she found out I knew she begged my
Husband to make sure that I didn't send her fiancé the screen shot or
He wouldn't marry her. Their wedding date was three weeks away.
If it was just a joke, why be so afraid of him seeing it? She said it would "ruin her life" if he got the screen shots of the text.

I'm so torn as he swears it was just a joke and keeps saying there would be more to it if it wasn't a joke. But then in the same breath where is "send me a pic"'related to this joke at all?

I don't know what to do or how to move forward.

[chinagirl]

You're right, if it's a joke, it's not even funny. Tell the girl that if she does not stop communicating with your husband, that you will send the screen shot to the fiance. Warn your husband that the flirting has to stop, whether it is a joke or not because it hurts you and he needs to respect how you feel.

[michelle23]

This has been going on for years. All the flirting and BS but you still married him. And now look whats happened.. you can walk around with your eyes closed for years but the truth will smack you in the face one day so you have to face it. The fact he rang her straight away before you did means something stinks. Your husband is a cheat and a lying one.. so what you gonna do about it?