Relationship seems to slowly lose the "spark" - what can i do?

[livelovenow]

Hi people!

I need some help with my current relationship.
I've been with my G/F for allmost 6 months, and i love her very much, and i (currently) want to spend my future with her - just so that is clear to everyone ;-)
Another thing: i am a insecure person due to experiences in my past, which is probably why i'm even in here asking you this question.

Recently, i've been experiencing some "issues" in my relationship, mostly regarding the time i spend with my G/F.

In the beginning, everything was fun and new and exciting for us, and we were both very much in love. Now, after 5-6 months, things have slowly begun to change.
Instead of having a fun time constantly, trying new stuff together, and getting to know each other intimately, we've kinda "settled", but not in an extremely good fashion.

It feels like we've lost some of our spark. I seem to have lost my ability to make her laugh, and she generally seems a little less into the things we do together, like she's just taking it for granted. It's like i've told her all my stories and she's "seen through me" in a way that just makes me think that everything i do or say is uninteresting for her because she's expecting it.

Unfortunately, this makes me feel extremely insecure and awkward around her, because i'm constantly trying to come up with funny or interesting things to talk with her about, and because i compare myself with all the other guys around me who seem to make their G/F's laugh & have fun much more than i do. I'm afraid she's getting bored with me, so i "overcompensate", but it's not effective.

She tells me she loves me, and she's making plans for our future (travels, events, our 1-year anniversary etc.) but sometimes it just feels "forced" and like she's just doing it because it's what is expected.
She tells me that no one can compare to her, and that i'm the one for her (she even told me she wants a family with me one day).

I don't know what to do, i really want us to get some of the spark back in our relationship, to make her not just take me for granted and perhaps put a little more effort into the relationship.
But i don't know how - so please... Advice! :-)

LAST POINT: please don't tell me to "jump ship" or go out and **** other girls. I'm interested in making this work with her, not just abandoning our relationship first time a problem arises. I love her! :-)

[Kromat83]

Maybe try new hobbies and hang out with your friends.
Have a night for yourself, you don't need to take her everywhere.
You're probably spending too much time with her, that is why you're running out of ideas to do and she is getting comfortable.
This is why I find hanging out less in the beginning is better, then to rush to things.

[Wakeup]

LAST POINT: please don't tell me to "jump ship" or go out and **** other girls. I'm interested in making this work with her, not just abandoning our relationship first time a problem arises. I love her! :-)

Then stop trying to be someone you're not and learn to enjoy what you have with her. You, in your own words say you're trying to overcompensate so stop doing that for starters. You THINK she's not as interested. That's likely your own paranoia and baggage you've carried into this relationship due to the failure of your other ones.

Newsflash: That passion and initial excitement does NOT last forever. If it did, we'd all burn out and fizzle away.

This is your issue which by what you've explained seems to be all in your head.

What exactly would you like her to be like so that you're not fretting?

[livelovenow]

Maybe try new hobbies and hang out with your friends.
Have a night for yourself, you don't need to take her everywhere.
You're probably spending too much time with her, that is why you're running out of ideas to do and she is getting comfortable.
This is why I find hanging out less in the beginning is better, then to rush to things.

Good idea, but i'm pretty good at doing things without her already.
But yeah, i've definitely spent a lot of time with her, and perhaps too much.

Last week we'd had a period of not seeing each other very much (neither of us had time) which led to some really great nights together afterwards - but when we spend more than just one evening together, it seems to go a bit downhill, which wasn't the case in the beginning of our relationship.

I just get worried about what to do in the future - does this mean that we shouldn't see each other for more than one evening at a time...?
But still, i might just be too worried to think straight.

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Then stop trying to be someone you're not and learn to enjoy what you have with her. You, in your own words say you're trying to overcompensate so stop doing that for starters. You THINK she's not as interested. That's likely your own paranoia and baggage you've carried into this relationship due to the failure of your other ones.

Newsflash: That passion and initial excitement does NOT last forever. If it did, we'd all burn out and fizzle away.

This is your issue which by what you've explained seems to be all in your head.

What exactly would you like her to be like so that you're not fretting?

Thanks. I guess i'm afraid she'll go out in town and find someone else with whom she has the same "spark" we had in the beginning - one that she thinks is more funny/clever than what i feel like right now.
I know - maybe it's just my paranoia, but when she doesn't laugh at my jokes and sometimes even seems irritated at me for trying to be funny (instead of joking along with me like she did in the beginning) it just seems so much more likely that she'll find some new guy who can do what i can't.

So i'm not sure how to act. Should i try to make it exciting for us again by doing things with her and re-igniting the spark, or should i just accept that things are more "dull"?
I'm just so scared she'll think that i'm boring/less fun/not exciting if i don't try to do anything.

It might seem foolish, and i realize that - but i'd like her to be as "into me" as she was in the beginning, regarding showing affection both physically and verbally. Now that she isn't giving me those signs, i feel much less able to meet her "expectations"... even though they might just be in my head.

[IndiReloaded]

Why don't you just relax? Is she complaining? Talk about what you each need, short-term (e.g. daily) and long term (goals) to keep you happy. Then do it and live your life.

Remember that life isn't always 'happy'. Most people don't even know that that means, anyway. Refer back to my first advice...

[Kromat83]

If you see the relationship getting stale, just keep some distance for a bit and see how that works out.
Twice is fine, as long you are both on good terms and can make it work, if not, just tone it down.
How about you telling her that you have to leave and only stay as long as there's still some interest, and if the night or day isn't going great, just end it early, and don't let her do it, as you have to gauge the situations as well.
The test is up to you and it's a continuous learning experience, and you'll see it'll work itself out, and maybe it'll happen with someone else, but you'll have to judge that.

[IndiReloaded]

The test is up to you and it's a continuous learning experience

WTF. And this^ is called OverThinking.

What some call 'stale' others call content. If you love her, and she loves you then just *relax*. Geeze, this aint rocket science.

[michelle23]

Look up the difference between infatuation and love and the 9 stages of love. Its normal for the "spark" to fade. Its a good thing and it allows you both to start bonding on a deeper more emotional level.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL! Someone actually came up with 9 stages of love?? Wow, there are way too many people trying to be more clever than they actually are.

[chinagirl]

The honeymoon stage of the relationship may be over. Follow the advice of the other poster, connect on another level. As long as the love is there and you don't take each other for granted, no reason to worry.

[livelovenow]

Look up the difference between infatuation and love and the 9 stages of love. Its normal for the "spark" to fade. Its a good thing and it allows you both to start bonding on a deeper more emotional level.

Thanks Michelle, i'm aware that we probably might be moving away from the "infatuation/crazy love"-phase and into something more mature.
My problem is that i kinda feel it's difficult to know how to make this transition... I'm pretty much still in the previous phase, so with her moving on it means that i kinda feel left behind.

When you say "bonding on a deeper more emotional level" - how so? I know that might be a silly question, but i am honestly not certain what you mean. Do i share my insecurities with her? I feel like we've already bonded on a deep level on many things (she's told me about all her previous bad history, and i've told her about mine)...

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Why don't you just relax? Is she complaining? Talk about what you each need, short-term (e.g. daily) and long term (goals) to keep you happy. Then do it and live your life.

Remember that life isn't always 'happy'. Most people don't even know that that means, anyway. Refer back to my first advice...

I totally understand what you're saying. Though, like i explained, my reason for not being able to relax is probably that i'm still totally in the infatuation phase in many ways. So even though she's not complaining, i'm kinda worried that she's moved beyond that phase already when i haven't.
But talking about what we need short-term and long-term is a great idea :-)

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But all-around: i must say i'm very nervous about making this transition from a infatuatious-kinda-love to something more "content", if you will.

Would you say that i should talk to her about it? I mean, if she doesn't have the same giddy-lovey-dovey feelings anymore, and if i still do to a certain degree, should i discuss the transition with her, or would that be unnecessary?
I mean, i can't possibly know what she's thinking, and i just want to make sure that she is "content" and not "bored" or feeling that the relationship is getting "stale".

[michelle23]

All I mean by bonding more deeply is that the infatuation is over. When you are no longer infatuated-you start to see the real person-the good and the bad and you learn whether your really compatible or not. Infatuation makes people ignore potential red flags and it kind of deludes you into believing your in some perfect fairytale romance. You feel high and it makes you stupid. Its a good thing when that ends because you can now fall in love with the real her and get to know each other properly.

Its a natural process. Stop over analysing everything. Go with the flow and relax. Enjoy it

And the 9 stages actually makes a lot of sense if you read it Indi. It makes sense for long term couples. I can identify with all 9