married man and a single woman, need thoughts

[kelleydawn501]

Hey there, I need some male opinions on a friendship my husband has with a single woman he works with. A few month ago, this single woman saw my husband in the OR and was hitting on him b/c he was cute and she thought he was available. She told him this and he later told me this. Not sure how long after the initial contact she found out he was married and also that they had known each other many years ago. With that being said they decided to continue a platonic friendship. So now they eat lunch together 2-3 times a week either at work or off campus and sometimes she meets him for lunch on her days off, they text during the day and evenings quite a bit, they have phone conversations when I am not around, and have met outside of work 3 times to do things together in the last few weeks. One time was for lunch while I was at a baby shower, another time he went to dinner with her and her friend on a Friday night and then went to one of their houses to hang out while I was out of town, and the first time she invited him over after he left work late one night to eat dinner. He didn’t call me to tell me he was going over there b/c he said he was famished and forgot. I found out b/c I found him over there. Needless to say, I was really pissed about this last meeting which actually was the first outside of work social encounter that I am aware of. I felt like he should have called me and two, the woman should have made some attempt to reach out and say sorry I didn’t know, etc. He told me later that she was pissed at him b/c he made her feel like the other woman but she still made no attempts to say hey sorry, etc to me.
So this friendship has been going on for a few months and neither he nor she has made any attempts to meet me, the wife. My husband has said he wanted us to meet, etc but that hasn’t happened yet. So the next thing that really makes me wonder what is going on is that the text messages she sends, or at least the few that I have seen b/c he doesn’t know why I want to read them and deletes them pretty consistently, some of the things in there I feel are inappropriate to be saying to a married man. My husband thinks I am reading into them and am just insanely jealous.
So here is the banter on Friday night and Sunday evening this past weekend:
Friday night: She says” I wish you could hang out with me tonight” he says “that would be great” and she says “indeed”
Sunday night: he sends her a link to something about an art exhibit and she says “I was just thinking about you.” Then she sends him a picture of the sunset and says “just got in from laying in my hammock. You should be with me. Dinner was awesome. I hate cooking dinner for one. =(“
So give me your thoughts, I think the relationship has gotten to an inappropriate level, my husband says I don’t know her and that I am reading into it, and that I’m insanely jealous.

[Wakeup]

You might want to point out to your husband that his emotional affair is what is making you "insanely jealous" and if he treated you like he's treating her and did all the fun things he's doing with her, with you... then perhaps you'd pay him just as much attention as he's getting from her.

He's being a asshole and she's leading him around by his dick. She's a C**t for carrying on in the same way with him when she knows his married.

Good luck getting him to stop this nonsense.

[dem862]

Sounds like a cheater's behavior to me.

[chinagirl]

It doesn't sound to me like friendship at all, unless they are friends with benefits. You need to keep watch of your hubby.

[Wakeup]

I think you should print out this thread and your duplicate on the same subject and let him see that EVERYONE who has replied thinks his behaviour is appalling for a married man and that she's a C-word for encouraging a married man the way she is.

They'd make a good Vaudville team. They could call themselves: "Twat and Twatier"

[kelleydawn501]

thanks for everyone's feedback. I am so pissed b/c he keeps taking up for her. If you knew her you wouldn't think this, blah blah blah. He said hes cutting it off but wants to do it in person. At this point Im not sure I trust that he will do it completely or what he will say. I want to send her a few messages to let her know what a homewrecking Bi*C% she is and that she and my husband should be ashamed of themselves for carrying on like they have. My husband doesn't see anything wrong with the texts or amt of time they spend together. I was like if the other women in the OR where she works knew what was going on, they would be hiding their husbands and shunning her with the Big letter A on her chest.

- - - Updated - - -

If I were to send this "thing" a message, do you think its appropriate? I want her to know what is really going on. I wouldn't be surprised if she turned on my husband to save herself. Wouldn't he be surprised!!

[Wakeup]

I want to send her a few messages to let her know what a homewrecking Bi*C% she is and that she and my husband should be ashamed of themselves for carrying on like they have.

Even though she is acting like a conniving cnt. It is up to YOUR HUSBAND to shut her down and stop the nonsense.

Contacting her isn't something I think you should do but rather work on your communication with your husband in trying to get him to realize how he's crossed relationship boundaries that will, if it continues on, put a wedge between yours and his emotional bond... When that's gone, so will your sex be then eventually your marriage.

[michelle23]

Its easy to call her a c**t and rant and rave about her BUT your husband is the one crossing a line here. Hes married to you and hes dating her. Its an emotional affair and I also suspect he may have already physically cheated because he is calling you "insanely jealous" and avoiding you and her meeting. Hes also spent a lot of time alone with her even meeting for dinner at her house. Im not sure if your just in complete denial or very naive..

If my bf/husband behaved this way, I would have kicked him out months ago, seen a solicitor and have divorce papers ready for him to sign.

This has already gone too far, you should have came here months ago. Its too late now-shes already got her claws in him and its only a matter of time before he leaves you for her...

Look up emotional affairs, do your research and be prepared coz your whole life is about to change. Your marriage is over

Sorry to be the one to give you the news but you should just get out now

[Wakeup]

Oh brother!

[Over The Fence]

Closed, continue thread here:

https://www.loveforum.net/threads/89056-married-man-and-a-single-woman-need-thoughts?highlight=