Should I forget him or should I call him?

[Eirene]

Hey there!

First of all, English is not my native language. I’m writing here, because I really like this forum.
Please excuse my grammar mistakes or improper word choices.
I hope I can explain everything in a clear way:

So here is my story:

I met him in class in University. We always sat next to each other and during the second or third class we got into some short conversations from "hello/how are you" and "what are you studying? (and stuff related to our class)" to "hobbies/ music" etc. Then, after class we always went for a smoke and kept on talking. Just for the record: I was fascinated by him the very first time. I really like him, so I tried to smile, to keep eye contact etc. ... everything I could do which was not in conflict with my shyness I was definitely flirty. So I asked for example what he is going to do after class, but he always was busy with studying/work/etc. He even asked “back” but I was afraid to ask more, because to me it seems that he should have asked me for a date, or at least for a coffee. I gave hints and I am (or I was?) apparently old-fashioned. Forget about him, the first time.

Then, suddenly, he started to hug me when saying hello/goodbye and he became more affectionate. So one day, I decided to forget about my old-fashioned, stupid attitude (probably I thought he’s just shy as well as I am) and I asked him for a coffee. He hesitated! Then another classmate asked me if I want to grab a coffee with him and suddenly he wanted to join us. At the same day (it was before a short semester break),after the classmate was already gone, we continued talking again like 1 hour. At the end, I asked him if he wants to go out for a drink someday. He said, that he wouldn't have a lot time during the break, but after the break he really would like to. We swapped numbers. On the one hand, I was proud and happy that I got over my shyness (because I’m really not used to ask), but on the other hand, I was doubtful that he would call/text me. I couldn't wait (after some days) and I wrote him sth. pretty nice, affectionate (related to a topic we once talked about), but harmless. He wrote back but it was like… I can’t think of another word like “dry” (maybe you know what I mean) Anyway, his texting was totally different to his way he usually behaved towards me. I wrote sth. back, but he didn't answer.
Forget about him, the second time.

Then, after the break we saw each other again in class. He was happy to see me, hugged me, and asked me questions (also about things I told him before, so he remembered our conversations)… I was confused but I tried to behave friendly, although I was maybe a bit more cautious. Although I was disappointed, I thought that it's actually no one's fault that he didn't like me the way I liked him , so there was no reason to be unfriendly.
Then another class he wasn’t there. I went away and then I got a call from him: “Are you still there? I couldn’t go to class, because I had to work. I mean, it was not like I didn’t want to...I thought, maybe you're still there.” What?! So I thought, he wanted to see me and he was unhappy that he couldn’t. Unfortunately, I was very busy during his call, so I had to end the call very quickly. The next day I called him and told him sth. like: “Sorry again, I was pretty busy yesterday, so I couldn’t talk so long at the phone. It’s a pity that I didn’t see you. If I knew, that you would come around again, I would have waited for you. ” He answered like: “It’s not so bad, it’s alright.” Then small talk. It was definitely “dry” again… totally halfhearted. Forget about him the third time!

But in secret I thought, that he maybe was like overextended of my call and especially of what I told him. I couldn’t go to class the next 2 weeks, because of a field trip, so I wrote him a message and he didn’t answer again! Forget about him, the fourth time – for good.

During the last class I was friendly, but I tried to keep distance: I was short with him, not chatty. It was too much for me and I was disappointed that he didn't answer my message again. I had to talk to the lecturer and he was always following me and waiting. In the end everyone was gone. I got back to my place, packed my bag, and he was still standing there like ... he didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave the room, and he was just staring at me. I asked, if he wants to ask me for a smoke or why is he waiting for me? He smiled. Oo
We had a short conversation and he found out, that we both will be another day in University at almost the same time: “Let’s drink a coffee afterwards!” Yes, yes finally!!!!Hope!
And by the way: For some reason (maybe I led to this topic) I asked him why he didn't answer my message. He was soooooo sorry, he hadn't have enough credit on his cell and then he unfortunately forgot to answer. Yes... Ouch!

To cut a long story short: The ”coffee – date” (haha) was like an awkward situation… We understood each other very well like we always did, but that’s it. And now I have to explain sth.: When we were together, he was (in my opinion) always very hearty and happy. He kept smiling, when we talked and he never ever (I am serious about this, because it even made me nervous!) lost eye contact, even when he was talking (and this is very untypical). We laughed a lot. He waited always for me after class. He asked questions about me and he remembered our conversations. Ok I think you can take this for granted, but I just want to explain, that he seemed to be interested (in me?). Even his bodylanguage seemed to be positive (he comes close, the hugs, he touched me, leaning forward, focusing me. Ok, his bodylanguage was not offensive but combined with his interest, and the everlasting eyecontact and smiling.... well it just gave me the impression that there could be something "more".
To be honest, I am not searching “friends”, because I have friends. If I become with someone a friend by chance, alright that’s fine! But I don’t want to become with someone a friend I am interested in. I asked him for a coffee twice, I asked him for a drink, we swapped numbers, I called him back, I wrote him text messages (just three messages, I didn’t chase! Did I?). Please mind, this story went over 4 months… he gave me mixed signals.

Back to this "coffee date" and the fact that I can't be with someone a friend I am interested in. Our class ended to weeks before, so this was the last day we met. At the end of our "coffee date" I decided to ask him again...
The thing is, I know myself and I know that I wanted to make clear to him, again (haha), that I am interested in him, at least to get to know him. I am not talking about long-life relationship and marriage, but I wanted to be clear, that he really understands, that I am interested in him more than as a friend. This statement was so important for me, because I noticed that I was really into him. And here might be a translation difficulty because of my native language. I mean, I was not in love for sure, but I really liked him. The best proper expression would be: to have a crush on someone.
Proper expression or not, I knew I would be hurt, if I remain within this strange friendship/ fellow / relationship - thing. I was so tired of this shilly-shally situation!

Of course I didn't tell him everything the way I told you here guys. I just asked him, if he wanted to meet again. "Yes." Then I just told him, that I was a little bit doubtful about this, because it just irritated me that he didn't answer twice and I am not sure, if there is interest to go out....(it was my intention not to say "interest in me" because I felt this would give to much pressure) Then he told me: "I am sorry, I didn't want you to give this impression. It's definitely not like this.And I didn't know that you got this impression." (the last part is really strange... he didn't know??) Alright... actually a good moment for me, right? I smiled and told him, that he just give me a call and I would be happy to see him again. He affirmed, smiled back, hug, good bye.

So... I am sorry for the text / long story torture guys...

Now: This last conversation is almost two months ago and I never heard of him again. And I never made any move. I didn't text and I didn't call. Nothing.
And still, I don't get it. I'm not angry with him, I'm not angry with men in general, because to me it's definitely not a crime, if someone is not into me, because I'm also not into everyone, although he's into me. ;-) But at least, it's really disappointing.
My feelings changed. They are not so strong anymore, but I think of him very often. The new semester started and I am thinking about calling him. It occurs that we don't have any classes together, so I can't get in touch with him, except I call him. There is also no chance to meet him by chance, although I would prefer this option. This is really unlikely, because we have several campuses and they're pretty big.

I don't understand his acting, I wonder, if he at least considered a date or if he is just a flirty person. I wonder, if he did understand me? But to be honest, how stupid can someone be? I don't understand this hearty, affectionate behavior towards me and then the fact that he can't answer a message. I don't understand his "needless" call he gave me, just to make sure, that I don't think he wasn't in class, because he didn't want to? He's an adult, we both are.
Maybe some words to his character: I describe him as dreamy and very easygoing and carefree person. I even say, he is sometimes out of it, like not there, but in a sweet way. He seems to me also very extroverted and self-confident. Besides he is a very friendly person and I guess he has a lot of friends. He's also very intelligent and educated. I even would also add, that he is kind of alternative referring to his lifestyle.

By the way, for the record again: he has no girlfriend (well, at least two months ago he had no girlfriend). I didn't ask, but during a conversation with us two and another (male) classmate he said he was single.

What do you think? Should I call him... "hey... how are you? bla bla, let's grab a coffee?"
I feel like I want to try it again. Why?

Thank you very much for reading. I am sorry that I wrote so much text. I guess in my language, I can be more concise. Sorry! Hope you understand everything.

Thank you.

Best,

Eirene

[countrygirl1]

Eirene,
I think you should call him one last time. If only for your own sanity. You have not been too aggressive at all and sometimes people are just busy and caught up in their lives. The fact that you didn't speak for 2 months is fairly indicative of his feelings being platonic (friends) only, however, I still think you owe it to yourself to call him once; and suggest meeting for something more than coffee. Suggest dinner and drinks, something that'll last a little longer and that isn't such a 'friend zone' type of meeting place. Be flirty! You have to make your intentions clear. If, afterwards he doesn't reciprocate, well, then, there's your answer. If he does, then great! Either way, it's better to not have any regrets. You'll become more self-confident in the process, which will be helpful for future dating. Best of luck. Let us know how it turns out!

[michelle23]

If a man is interested he will make an effort. It sounds like hes not into you

[Eirene]

@countrygirl1 I think you're right. It's probably for my own sanity...to end this story in my "head". And this is maybe also the problem like @michelle23 mentioned. She already gave a hint: He would have made an effort, if he was interested. I'm aware of this fact and I should wonder, if I took his behavior the wrong way. But then I think that I can't be so stupid to misunderstood everything. To me there were a lot of (mixed) signals...or love is blind and I wanted to see these "signals". ;-)
So if I call him, I'll follow your advice @countrygirl1 and try to be clear and suggest dinner/drinks instead of sth. else. I'll probably try it next week. I have nothing to lose, I can only benefit.. when this clears my mind, either way.
I'll let you know.

[Eirene]

@countrygirl1 I think you're right. It's probably for my own sanity...to end this story in my "head". And this is maybe also the problem like @michelle23 mentioned. She already gave a hint: He would have made an effort, if he was interested. I'm aware of this fact and I should wonder, if I took his behavior the wrong way. But then I think that I can't be so stupid to misunderstood everything. To me there were a lot of (mixed) signals...or love is blind and I wanted to see these "signals". ;-)
So if I call him, I'll follow your advice @countrygirl1 and try to be clear and suggest dinner/drinks instead of sth. else. I'll probably try it next week. I have nothing to lose, I can only benefit.. when this clears my mind, either way.
I'll let you know.

[Kokombos]

(It's funny how "Ask a Male" forum has mostly female answers).

Anyway, at least above poster is right: if he is interested, he would have made his move by now.

And yes, it's easy to mistake a friendly guy with the impression he is attracted to you. I have a friend who is very friendly and more often than not, women got the "wrong" impression.

[loverocker]

Should I forget him or should I call him?

aah, this question is v.very difficult for all circumstances, well, my advice is do what your heart says.

[Lord Darkshire]

Good lord the guy isn't interested. If he was he would have been falling all over himself to be with you....time to give it up.

[Eirene]

Hey there,
I’m sorry. I wrote an answer like 3 days ago, but it's still not posted here. There was something like that my answer has to be checked before.
So I try again and hopefully my comment will appear:
First, thank you all for your comments.
In my first answer I thanked the girls. I wrote that I will make a last call and ask if he wants to meet for dinner or a drink.
So I did and after some small talk, I suggested him to meet each other again. He said yes and he seems not disaffected again. We talked then some minutes about different things and it was a nice conversation. In the end, we decided to meet on a certain day. We just decided about the time and he wanted to call or text me again on this day, to tell me about the location. At the date-day he cancelled the date via sms, he felt sorry, but he can make it today, he has no time because of some appointments. There was no question to reschedule or sth. else.
Yes mixed signals again. I can’t imagine why he’s doing this. I can handle the situation, that I might understand everything friendly he did in a flirty way (although I don't think that I'm stupid...). I also can handle the fact that he is not into me, but his behavior is not even friendly anymore. This is too much.
So I’ll stop… I’ll forget him. This is too obvious, shame on me.
Thank you for your comments.