Sleeping with my boss....HELP!

[countrygirl1]

I relocated to a new town to accept a job at a medical practice. I am the only employee at this point. My boss is the doc and is my age. We are both single and the chemistry is so thick you can cut it with a knife! After only a few weeks we couldn't hold back any longer and things started getting physical. It's been about 5 months now and I'm madly in love with this man. We spend sunrise to sunset together. We have a ton of fun, we got out for dinner and drinks regularly. We go hiking and to the gun range. We go shopping together and watch movies together. I stay the night with him generally a few nights a week.

I've been careful to keep the work portion separate from the 'friendship, intimate' portion of our relationship by being respectful at work, being on time, working hard etc., which I would do anyway....

So he's apparently having a hard time with people knowing we're intimate (especially in the tight-knit medical community) as he relies on referrals from other doctors to keep busy. However, he has no problem spending time with me outside of work, in public. He buys me dinner and drinks regularly. He's not affectionate in public, however.

He's said on several occasions that we're just friends, he cares about me, but this 'thing' we've got going on won't develop into a relationship. He's not seeing anyone else. He's not sleeping with anyone else. I know this for sure, we spend day-in, day-out with each other, he's not protective of his phone, email etc.

Should I let it go? Should I back off and not be so eager to spend time with him outside of work? Generally I'm the one who initiates sex, but he has zero problem with it....please help!!!

[pcmaster]

Sounds like a player. then again you seem to be his exclusive playmate. I think theres something about his past or present that you dont know. Dont seems like a guy who talks a lot about his feelings. I think you should just have fun while it lasts and dont read into it.

This video could help you come down on earth.

[chinagirl]

End it. He's using you as a temporary companion until he finds someone suitable that he can present in public. Additionally, you should know better as we'll not to have a relationship with your boss. What happens when the so called "friendship" goes sour? Are you going to leave your job? What happens when he falls for another woman and you see him with her. Have you thought about how to deal with this possible scenarios?

[countrygirl1]

I do know better than to sleep with my boss, however, the scenario initially seemed perfect. We're the same age, have similar interests, are attracted to one another, and are both single. There are certain times that it does work, and I was gambling on that. However, I'm sure you're right.

[Wakeup]

Should I let it go? Should I back off and not be so eager to spend time with him outside of work? Generally I'm the one who initiates sex, but he has zero problem with it....please help!!!

What do you hope that will accomplish?

[loverocker]

ask him softly, what you want and what you think about him if he says that there is nothing with both of then leave other wise you will regret in future. regards.

[chinagirl]

I do know better than to sleep with my boss, however, the scenario initially seemed perfect. We're the same age, have similar interests, are attracted to one another, and are both single. There are certain times that it does work, and I was gambling on that. However, I'm sure you're right.

It only will work if he's not hiding your relationship behind the closet. If he truly has feelings for you, there's no reason why he never asked you to be his GF and introduce you properly in the community as his GF.

[smackie9]

Guys are pretty straight forward with their intensions, you are friends like he has told you over and over. You better pull your emotions out of it before you get yourself hurt and out of a job.

Tip: Don't ever dip your pen in the company ink as they say. Sleeping with your boss....you may as well put a gun to your head, it's a bad choice that you will regret.

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How convenient for him to have a piece of tail at work everyday.

[countrygirl1]

You're right Smackie9. Men are pretty black and white with their intentions. How come then, in this scenario, it's not just about the sex? I'd understand more if he wasn't spending all this time with me...I'm sure he is hesitant to get into a relationship b/c of the working together reason, but what's the difference between what we're doing and a relationship? Simply him telling people we're together? That's why I feel like if I just lay low it'll develop into a relationship. I don't know, I know I'm being stupid. I appreciate all the feedback. It gives me more confidence to let it go.

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What do I hope letting it go will accomplish? I guess I'm not sure of the question...

[loverocker]

@smackie9, my darling all relationship once starts with friendship.

[KingZ]

I think what you need to figure out first is what you want to come out of this. Are you looking for a long-term, committed, public, "official" relationship with this man? If so, I think you two have reached a level of intimacy where it would be appropriate to just be open with your wants and needs.

He's probably a smart guy. There's no reason that if you expressed your desire as well as your fear about losing your job that the two of you shouldn't be able to explore the options and come up with a much better solution than a bunch of Internet people will be able to give you.

After all, we're just giving you suggestions based on an assumed conclusion to this story, which is something you yourself have yet to attain.

[smackie9]

If he had any intension of wanting a committed relationship, he would come forward, but he has not, this is why it's not feeling right. IMO he is just enjoying the free ride when it is offered, and is careful to not ask for it.

You are at a cross roads it's time to "clear the air" if you want answers.....why wait? If it's a bust 3 months down the road it's gonna hit you even harder.

[countrygirl1]

KingZ: If only it were that easy....your advice is completely logical. I wish, however, that he'd follow it....I do know what I want out of this, and it is a long-term, committed, official relationship. I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance. I sound whiney and immature and self-doubting. Ugh. I guess I was just looking for some feedback from people that were completely uninvolved in the situation. Of course talking to my girlfriends, they all say forget him, but they're trying to protect me. I know in some sense they're right. But I have this gut-deep feeling that he is 'the one', and because of that, it seems I'm more patient. Thoughts??

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Wow...you're right on smackie9! He IS enjoying the free ride while it lasts (no pun intended) while being careful not to ask for it. I think I'll just back off and see if he comes around. Do you think that? Or think I should have a heart-to-heart with him?

[surfhb]

Take smackies advice. She said to talk to the guy and find out his intention. Only then you'll know. Time to call his hand

[KingZ]

KingZ: If only it were that easy....your advice is completely logical. I wish, however, that he'd follow it....I do know what I want out of this, and it is a long-term, committed, official relationship. I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance. I sound whiney and immature and self-doubting. Ugh. I guess I was just looking for some feedback from people that were completely uninvolved in the situation. Of course talking to my girlfriends, they all say forget him, but they're trying to protect me. I know in some sense they're right. But I have this gut-deep feeling that he is 'the one', and because of that, it seems I'm more patient. Thoughts??

This is one of the few times I'll ever agree with a Canadian. Smackie is right.

However, I want to specifically address something you said:

I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance.

This is misleading. Whether or not you have a chance is already decided; it's independent of your actions at this point. This isn't flirting/dating; you've already had sex, you spend an enormous amount of time together and often sleep in the same bed. For all intents and purposes, you are essentially in a relationship with this man.

What you're trying to figure out at this point is boundaries and the roadmap moving forward. He already knows how far he's going to let this go, and nothing you do at this point (good or bad) will change his mind. That's why I think your best bet is to just be forward, have a heart-to-heart, and get the information you're looking for. You can't blow your "chance" because it's already locked in.

The envelope is sealed; you just need to open it and read the letter.