My neighbor and I fell for eachother but now we are done but she wants to still talk?

[jcmartinez1990]

ok so heres the story. me and my neighbor met eachother when i moved in. We def got alone very well, so one day i asked her out. We did something so little and to be honest was one of the best times ive ever had. We began to see eachother regularly. IN the begininning I had no idea what I wanted so I wanted to make sure she knew this. I did tell her that i liked her a lot but I wanted to take my time with this. She said she understood and things were great. OUr feelings for eachother grew as time went on. ONe problem was that I joked around a little too much. she would always ask about other girls or what id be doing if I went out for the night. i would respond "ill try not to bring anyone back" sarcastically just because she even asked me questions like that. I finally brought it up to her and told her, "hey i dont want anyone else and i wont say things like that anymore". She obviosuly loved this and i never said this again.

She went on a small trip with her sister and upon return, things just felt completely different. I didnt bring it up for a couple days but then i asked her what was going on? she responded, " the day she left for vacation she started crying because she felt like she was falling for me so hard, she felt vulnerable, and didnt like how i joked around before". i told her that i was sorry she felt that way but i was completely on board and did not want to be with anyone else. she said okay and that was it. Thing is nothing had changed. Things were still so differnet so i brought up talks like this alot.

Finally one day I had just had it. I told her she needed to figure out what she wanted because i did not like how things were and it wasnt fair to me. I yelled a bit and said she should not have asked me to become more serious if she was going to have second thought. i yelled that you wanted me to open up which i never do and now i did and you just let down. She was taken back that i had yelled at her and told me she needed space and did not know what she wanted. So i gave her the space.

We spoke yesterday and she said she could not get over how i yelled at her, and all the talks had just pushed her away farther and that she could not do this right now. I was so mad because first of all she wanted me to open up and I did. BUt then she takes steps back because shes falling too hard for me? I mean usually if that happens, you take a chance and hope that the other person comes on board as well and I did! I brought up all these talks because she wanted me to open up more and when I finally did she completely took a step back and began to change. The fact that she says that all my talks pushed her away and me yelling at her was the cherry on top really upsets me. If she would have told me how vulnerable she felt and how hard she was falling I would have def came on board and made sure she felt secure. She said she still wanted to talk and still hangout. Why would she want to still see me? What should I do? I really really like this girl and feel it could be great but at this time im at a loss of where to go from here?

[smackie9]

Because she's a flippin drama queen. I can see why you yelled at her because she push and pulls, as almost as if she wanted you to get emotional on her. Dude she's a flake, if it's this crazy with her already, just think what it's going to be like down the road.....she is too unstable, find someone normal.

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What's the point of being with someone that doesn't like your sense of humor. It's like you have to watch your step or she will get owly about it.....if she was the one, she would accept you for who you are, so far she has given you complaints.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her not to call you for any other reason, other than to come over and ****. I can guarantee she will go for it.

[jcmartinez1990]

haha thanks guys. guess ill just let time pass by and see what happens.

[TheEvilJester]

I would need somewhat of clarification as to what you mean by "yelling" at her. Are you talking very heated, and very loud yelling, or are you just talking a typical person angrily raising their voice? To me, there is a big difference. The fact of the matter is, you should try your best never to do either in a relationship. However, excessive yelling can be a form of abuse. I get the impression that this is not what you are talking about. Correct me if I am wrong, but I gather that you more so mean what I am describing as "a typical person angrily raising their voice."

If that is the case, then I must say that I find it extremely childish and immature to be offended by that. If you are offended by somebody who raises their voice when angry, then you need to either grow the F up, or go live in Candy Land where you sleep on pink marshmallows, ride a purple unicorn to meet up with fluffy bunnies in a field of cotton candy, and nothing ever goes wrong. I'm sure we all wish we could calmly and rationally discuss things when we are angry, but very few people are able to stop and think rationally when angry.

Fact of the matter is, you had a right to be angry. When things seemed to get weird, you did the right thing by trying to talk about it. Instead of being an adult and being honest, she acted like a child and wanted to play games with you. At this point, I would say you should have a serious discussion. Make it clear that you like her, and if something is wrong you want to be there for her and want to help to work to make it right. Even if it was perhaps something you did or said. But, also make it clear that it is not okay to play games and that it isn't fair to you to just wait around hoping things will be okay.

I'd also like to add that I FULLY agree that you don't want to be with somebody who doesn't appreciate your sense of humor. Hell, they don't even have to necessarily share your sense of humor as long as they at least appreciate it. Personally, around the people I most like and trust in life, I am a goofy bastard. I have about the most bizarre, goofy sense of humor in the world. But, I LOVE that about myself. I have a lot of friends who are just as goofy as me. However, I also have a lot of friends who are not.... but they love that I am. Another thing about my ex-wife that was a big lie. She used to pretend to share my sense of humor, only to later always treat me like crap when I would try to joke around. One of my HUGE no-no's in any kind of relationship, even just a friendship.

Anyway, good luck. I hope either this works out for you, or if not that you find somebody else who will appreciate you.

[jcmartinez1990]

well this was literally the first time i had really raised my voice at her. I did have a couple swear words in there but nothing directed towards her or anything like that. for example " im so f****** mad that youre doing this" I feel like she made me feel guilty for bringing up theses conversations. Isnt that what adults are supposed to do? Bring up an issue or how youre feeling to try to come up with a solution?

And yes the whole me making jokes really irks me too. She said that eventually got to her as well. I told her look I treat you amazingly, Im with you everyday, Ive never done anything to make it seem like I dont want to be with you, so im sorry those jokes bothered you but they shouldnt affect where we are heading. I clarified to her that I would not do this again because I dont want her to feel that way, i clarified I really liked her and she was the only one I wanted to be with. But she she said she just cannot get over everything. She was already starting to take steps back because she was "falling too hard" and all this just added to it. Its not fair to me.

She ended up coming over yesterday. We ate dinner and laid in bed to watch one of our shows. How do you do this with someone you apparently were falling so hard for and were intimate with eachother and just be okay with how things are? Its so frustrating but I dont know how to handle it from here.

[TheEvilJester]

Again, without being closer to the situation I can only go based on what you are telling us. But, she sounds really immature to me. Not somebody I would personally even want in my life, even just as a friend. I mean, I personally would never make jokes about that, but the point of the matter is it was just a joke. From what you said, you got the impression she was in on the joke at first, hence why you didn't think twice about joking again.

When she made it clear the jokes did bother her, you were a good man and promised to stop (and kept your promise). Bottom line, if she can't get over that when you have done exactly what you should have done, that is her problem. And if she wants to pull away because she's "falling too hard" then maybe you should let her. Let her grow up and learn from her mistakes, or find somebody who will put up with her childish crap. You need somebody who will appreciate you, and who will want to fall hard for you. Either way, good luck. I hope things work out for you, be it with her, or be it that you find somebody else.

[jcmartinez1990]

Guys!!!! I have finally got the conclusion. Guess what it wasn't me. Apparently on her trip she ended up meeting someone else. They continued to talk and she went on vacation this past week supposedly with her friend Viviana, but she actually went to Florida to go see and **** this guy. I've spent the past month trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for everything that happened, blaming myself and trying to fix it. And the whole time she was lying straight to my face. I feel like such an idiot. Idk how people can go living like this and treating people like that.

[TheEvilJester]

She's obviously a worthless piece of garbage like so many others in this world. You are better off without her. I know it may not feel that way right away, but if she can do something like this, that is bad enough. But to also lie right to your face about it.... she doesn't deserve the air she breathes. You are better off not associating with scum like that. Take some time to heal. Take some time for you. Then get back out there and find somebody who is an adult, not a giant baby just pretending to actually be a mature adult human being.