Is this stalking or just coincidence?

[violet11]

I posted on here a few months ago about a "not relationship" that was rapidly going sour, and after I broke up with him I posted a few times about how he kept persisting with me. He would always come to the yoga studio where I teach, when I was teaching, so he could still see me, even though I told him I wanted NC, calling / texting me trying to get me to be friends with him etc.

I went away for a month, and when I got back I quit my class at the yoga studio so I wouldn't have to see him anymore. When he found out about this, he called me straight away; left a loooong voice message about how he hoped we could be friends. I ignored it for four days, then finally decided to reply. I was firm: told him it was over and he had to accept it.

Then today, I was covering another teachers yoga class. He NEVER goes to the studio on a Thursday. Never. But for some reason, I had a very strong intuition that he was going to be at the studio. And he was. I ignored him, and when I was leaving, he "tasked" me and gave me a filthy look.

As I walked up the street, I had this really weird feeling that someone was following me. I got to my house, did some things, and 90 mins later, I left to get the train.

The same feeling of being watched came back. This time I was so sure that I was going to see him that I started looking around me. I even walked a different way to the train station in case he was waiting for me. I know this sounds mad, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

Then I got to the station, and I just missed my train. And here's the really weird thing - I knew that because I missed that train, that I was going to see him. I stood, watching the stairs. And literally, a minute later, he came down them. He was looking down at his phone. he didn't look in my direction, and walked to his platform.

I feel totally shaken by both these things and heres why:

1) He doesn't normally go to that class. He could have found out that I was teaching: it was posted on the website.
2) He’s got strong narcissistic tendencies. He won’t let go of this until he wins, and has control.
3) What are the chances of being at the train station at the same time, when yoga was finished 90 mins ago?

I find it hard to believe that he’s trying to keep tabs on me, but… I now feel out of control. WHen I quit teaching my class it was a big two fingers to him; that now he didn’t have control over when he could see me. Today I feel that he does.

I know the only person who knows the truth is him, but please tell me honestly - am I over-thinking things, or could he possibly be keeping tabs on me?

[smiling100]

Like you said the only person who knows the truth is him. Does he do yoga where you teach or he goes there just to see you?

Does he live close to you or your work?

My ex works near me & I see her by coincidence all the time. It really annoys me.

When I know she is at work I actually don't go past there on purpose.

[smackie9]

Just carry on with your life and ignore him. The less reaction you give him the quicker he will give up.

Block his number, block his messages, don't make eye contact.

I have a stalker myself. He used to show up at the grocery store where I shopped, and the beer store, pub I drink at, emailed me, see him driving through my neighborhood and he followed my activity on these websites.... who knows he could be reading this post for all I know.

I already spoke my mind in an email, threatened a court order against him, etc. Things have died down, but I am sure this is not the end. I saw him about 4 months ago driving through my neighborhood, I just ignored it and carry on with my business.

[violet11]

Like you said the only person who knows the truth is him. Does he do yoga where you teach or he goes there just to see you?

Does he live close to you or your work?

My ex works near me & I see her by coincidence all the time. It really annoys me.

When I know she is at work I actually don't go past there on purpose.

How are you doing these days? <3

Just carry on with your life and ignore him. The less reaction you give him the quicker he will give up.

Block his number, block his messages, don't make eye contact.

I have a stalker myself. He used to show up at the grocery store where I shopped, and the beer store, pub I drink at, emailed me, see him driving through my neighborhood and he followed my activity on these websites.... who knows he could be reading this post for all I know.

I already spoke my mind in an email, threatened a court order against him, etc. Things have died down, but I am sure this is not the end. I saw him about 4 months ago driving through my neighborhood, I just ignored it and carry on with my business.

Seriously… why don't you report him?

[HeartIsAching]

I wouldn't ignore it. That'll just encourage him to escalate.

Most places these days have stalker laws... I'd contact law enforcement. Get a restraining order.

[violet11]

I wouldn't ignore it. That'll just encourage him to escalate.

Most places these days have stalker laws... I'd contact law enforcement. Get a restraining order.

THat has actually been my experience - the more I ignore him, the worse it gets. Is that an established trend? Do you know if there is any literature I can read about this?

Thanks for your help!

[smiling100]

How are you doing these days? <3

Hey it's nearly been 6 months now. I'm doing better than I was & sleeping better, functioning normally from the outside however i'm still not back to myself.

I'm not sure if I ever will be tbh.

That last relationship really hit me hard & has made me look at life a whole lot differently. Weird thing was it wasn't even that long.

Had a few dates but not really interested. I just look at life at filling in the time before I die.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't ignore it. That'll just encourage him to escalate.

Most places these days have stalker laws... I'd contact law enforcement. Get a restraining order.

There is nothing against the law someone shopping in the same store. If he threatened my life, and I have proof, then I could get a restraining order. He wasn't the type that sent me 1000 emails, or made phone calls in the middle of the night. I already looked into it, the police won't do anything about it.

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btw haven't seen him in months, or got any emails for over a year so as far as I'm concerned he is gone. In no way am I going to let this interfere with how I live my life. If I let it get to me that would mean he wins and I won't let that happen.

[violet11]

Hey it's nearly been 6 months now. I'm doing better than I was & sleeping better, functioning normally from the outside however i'm still not back to myself.

I'm not sure if I ever will be tbh.

That last relationship really hit me hard & has made me look at life a whole lot differently. Weird thing was it wasn't even that long.

Had a few dates but not really interested. I just look at life at filling in the time before I die.

Dude, did you ever look into narcissists? I'm serious - read up on it. You're displaying classic traits of someone who was "discarded" by a narc.

[smiling100]

Dude, did you ever look into narcissists? I'm serious - read up on it. You're displaying classic traits of someone who was "discarded" by a narc.

Yeh I kinda did. How ever she was also very empathetic when she met me (she sold herself to me very well). She did change in the end of course & totally seemed like a different person & was quite direct & rude.

My assumption is she did project alot of her own insecurities onto me which made me feel like a failure. Im slowly beginning to come to terms with that.

Tbh I dont really have a clue about her personality??? It was a weird time in my life for sure? I hope one day my thoughts of her don't effect me in any way.

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How's your suspected stalker dude btw?

[violet11]

Yeh I kinda did. How ever she was also very empathetic when she met me (she sold herself to me very well). She did change in the end of course & totally seemed like a different person & was quite direct & rude.

My assumption is she did project alot of her own insecurities onto me which made me feel like a failure. Im slowly beginning to come to terms with that.

Tbh I dont really have a clue about her personality??? It was a weird time in my life for sure? I hope one day my thoughts of her don't effect me in any way.

- - - Updated - - -

How's your suspected stalker dude btw?

She definitely sounds like a narc - they usually come across as completely empathic, and definitely project during the "devaluing stage".

I know this is going to sound strange, but you have to fight with your interpretation of her in your head. Until in your head you can believe that she manipulated you into feeling like the loser, you won't get over her. THese people come along and they rape others energetically - they steal your self esteem and make you feel worthless. Then when your drained, they move on to their next energy supply.

Still have no idea if my guy was following me, but I'm leaning towards it just being a coincidence...

[HeartIsAching]

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

[smiling100]

She definitely sounds like a narc - they usually come across as completely empathic, and definitely project during the "devaluing stage".

I know this is going to sound strange, but you have to fight with your interpretation of her in your head. Until in your head you can believe that she manipulated you into feeling like the loser, you won't get over her. THese people come along and they rape others energetically - they steal your self esteem and make you feel worthless. Then when your drained, they move on to their next energy supply.

Still have no idea if my guy was following me, but I'm leaning towards it just being a coincidence...

Wow that so makes sense. Trust me I am fighting with her interpretation of her in my head

She so raped me mentally & turned me into a bundle of anxiety. It's never happened to me before. I always remembered she told me once her first boyfriend has never been with anyone else since her. That freaked me out as I suspect she did the same to him. That was nearly 20 years ago since they split.

Another thing she said was that she can emotionally get over someone rather quick. Hence why she jumps from relationship to relationship. I would put a safe bet on it that she is seeing someone since me or maybe onto her second or third guy? To be honest I can't ever see her being happy. She has so many boxes to tick for her perfect partner it's unrealistic.

[violet11]

Wow that so makes sense. Trust me I am fighting with her interpretation of her in my head

She so raped me mentally & turned me into a bundle of anxiety. It's never happened to me before. I always remembered she told me once her first boyfriend has never been with anyone else since her. That freaked me out as I suspect she did the same to him. That was nearly 20 years ago since they split.

Another thing she said was that she can emotionally get over someone rather quick. Hence why she jumps from relationship to relationship. I would put a safe bet on it that she is seeing someone since me or maybe onto her second or third guy? To be honest I can't ever see her being happy. She has so many boxes to tick for her perfect partner it's unrealistic.

Typical narc.

After I broke up with my ex, two weeks later he said some terrible stuff to me which made me feel like a used tissue. I was distraught for about two weeks, until I read all this stuff about narcissists and realised what had happened. I then basically battled with him to regain my self esteem (energy).

You have to cut the cord with her. She will never validate you again. On some level you are still looking for that from her, but it's only because she took so much from you. Subconsciously, you want her approval, but in reality what you really want back is what she took from you - your self esteem. She will never give that back to you - you have to take it back. Realising what has happened to you is the first step.

Narcissists are basically energy vampires.

Hugs to you… <3

[smiling100]

Typical narc.

I then basically battled with him to regain my self esteem (energy).

Narcissists are basically energy vampires.

Hugs to you… <3

Cheers Violet.

I found it interesting that you battled with him to reagin your self esteem. What exactly do you mean by this. Would you advise to confront her or suck it up & move on?

I have never spoken to her again since we split & would like to give her a piece of my mind. Thing is I don't want it to come across as me being bitter. I know there is a few things I could say to her to give her a reality check.

She has next to no money, lives in a crappy apartment with semi dodgy neighbours doesn't own anything apart from a crappy car & I always wondered why she had to live week by week & rely on her ex for support financially & she has always worked full time? Though when I was with her I never judged or questioned her about this.

I'm sure if she met someone her age in her position she wouldn't be impressed & would probably let them know about it lol