help what do i do

[muttley84]

Hi,

been dating my girl for 5-6 years now we have 3 children together
at the beginning we had sex all the time. i expected it to drop of after children
it has dropped of alot tho. she doesnt like sex anymore after children because she put some wait on.

i have tried telling her she looks beautiful
i help out with the children so she isnt to tired
i buy flowers send cute messages etc
candles romance
even buying sex toys for her
but nothing i do help.
im at the stage ive given up sick of getting rejected all the time.
i have tried talking to her about this a few times she just get angry & tells me its not me its her. she isnt happy with her weight
ive offered to help her in anyway but she got angry
it has been dropping off since our 1st child but i love her. there was one stage we didnt have sex for 6 months

while im happy with home life, im very unhappy with our sexual life & i dont feel loved, she doesnt kiss me anymore hugs are very rare
i don't want to leave the relationship we have 3 children together but i can remain unhappy much more. & i dont know how to bring this up that im feeling this may be the end of our relationship


any advice?

[smackie9]

You have done everything we would have advised, your next step is to seek out couples counseling. You need a professional to mediate discussions between the two of you, so communication can be clearer, and the issues can worked through properly.

[chinagirl]

What about getting a gym membership and work out together as a couple? A couple that works out together stays together. LOL...

[basilandthyme]

What about getting a gym membership and work out together as a couple? A couple that works out together stays together. LOL...

Good idea for singles....but not so easy when there's kids to be minded.

- - - Updated - - -

I second couple's counselling.

Tell me, does she know how close you are to ending it? What is she prepared to do in order to save the relationship?

[muttley84]

i have a gym membership ive tired to get her involved
our relationship is good most of the time but it feels more like house mates at taking care of children.
she doesn't desire me anymore i think.
i hate feeling like im not even in her top 5 of important things

im not sure if she knows how close i am
i was planning on talking to her over my holidays
but she got sick so i didn't want to add any extra stress or drama.
so once she is feeling better i will try to bring it up again.

[muttley84]

so we had a big talk.
she said her piece i said mine.
we said we will both do certain things to try & improve our relationship
so far nothing from her
i have put the changes into place where i can and the others are organised

she hasn't acted on anything we talked about its as if she doesn't care.

[michelle23]

Have you asked her to go to counselling? You have 3 kids under the age of 5 right? I would imagine the decline in sex is normal with 3 babies. It may just be a rough patch. I know its hard but try to stay strong for your family.

Is it possible she could have PND? Would she see a doctor?

[pcmaster]

Maybe shes right about herself. Maybe shes just fat bich. Like she said its not you its her. Perhaps you are asking too much. You want her not to be her. Or Michelle might be right too. There might be some kind of depression involved, normal side effect for overweight people. Could be she try escape depression with comfort food. What makes her fat, and extra weight kills sex drive aswell.

[madeeel]

i think you two can see a marriage counselor to work things out and talk about these issues in the open

[lovecarey]

Let me guess, you guys don't really do anything fun just the two of you...I don't mean rolling in bed and making love.....I mean going out on date or night clubs or drinking or throw party at your house.....I understand you buy her flowers, send her cute messages, etc..., but you guys also need to unleash your wild side. First what you guys need to do is get someone to watch your kids.....then go paint the town....Weight is one thing not everything....Heck....do you want to know something...I have been married to my wife since 2004...In the beginning, you start out just doing things the right way....i mean you have sex and kiss and do what couples usually do....after some years...that routine becomes boring....So, how to push the envelope and keep the spark going.....Well, for me I start to ask my wife to do other things for me and I do the same thing to her.....things you usually don't do in bed....

As you mentioned SEX toy is one, other sexual acts like have you ever poured melted chocolate all over her and lick it all up, what about you two making love in shower or bath....what about anal sex, what about doing it in your car....in other ward, make it more interesting change your location, get kinky, etc, etc....There are so many ways to get that spark going again.....do you want to know something I am doing my wife vaginally and anally....I get excited and she is all like smiling with happiness.....

She is telling you its because of her weight, but I am telling you that its not her weight...It is because of all the responsibilities she has especially with your kids.....She absolutely needs TIME OFF from your kids.....It is very very hard to be with kids 24/7 taking care of them and still feel excited to be sexually active. I know because been there and done that with my wife. If none of that, then there can only be one thing....she wants to MARRY YOU......