I'm willing to wait, but need help

[laraine]

Over the last 9 months a young man and I have become dear friends. He is (and was before I met him) highly considering monasticism, but we are quite obviously falling in love. We're together all the time, we get caught up in dancing, we meet eyes in that special way that I never understood until now. He is not opposed to becoming a married priest (he is Anglican), and will speak to me about the type of loving, comfortable home he's always wanted, and how he used to look so forward to marrying someday...but then his world fell apart, and I don't think it feels safe to fall in love anymore. For this reason he sways back and forth: we'll have a day where we bond even closer, and then he'll push me away.

I know that, if we ever do get together, it will be a long time from now. I would wait forever for him, but how can I not be heartbroken in the process? There are only two ways I could see him "deciding" that he wants to give us a try: (1) We are separated (We are together every day, nearly every hour now) when he leaves for seminary, and over that three-year period he decides that the hermit's life is not for him, or, (2) I become involved with someone else, and he realizes just how in love we are.

Again, I would wait forever. But how can I go on with life, and still wait? There is a good chance he will attain monasticism or else fall in love with another, and I don't want to spend the next five years breaking my heart. By nature, though, I am terribly loyal. I know I will struggle to attach myself to anyone else while he is still so strong in my heart.

We have never (really) spoken together about falling in love, as I don't bring it up and he defensively refers to his future as a monk when we get too close. He has once told me that I need to become a nun so we can be together, and, at another time, told me that I will have a little house next to his monastery so that he and all the other monks can take care of me.

[Boisdevie]

He has once told me that I need to become a nun so we can be together, and, at another time, told me that I will have a little house next to his monastery so that he and all the other monks can take care of me.

Hmm. Difficult one this. On the one hand this guy could be a loony or on the other hand he could be a dimwit.

But thanks for the post. I was such a good laugh to read.

[Valixy]

I know someone married to a priest and they are a very happy couple but he always knew very clearly that he wanted a family. I also know a girl whose boyfriend had monastic tendencies and for several years he couldn't decide himself. After seven years they broke up, he tried life in a monastery, they went back together,then broke up again, he started a relationship with another girl and finally became a celibate priest. He completely disregarded his ex' financial contribution to the house and economy for 8 years while they were together and since the house was only on his name, he donated it to the church and she couldn't do anything about that.

You should recognize that you two are not compatible because he has so many doubts about having a relationship and look for someone who wants to have one in his life. Good luck.