To Wait, or Not to Wait?

[2040789]

Hey guys, I'm new here, but feel like I need more advice on my current situation. I will try to explain it as clear as possible.

I began a relationship on August 27th, 2012, up until now. The 20 months together were the best 20 months of my life; we even planned our futures together. We would have great times, and great moments. Just like any other relationship, we had arguments and little 'fights'. However, these arguments would start over little things; literally anything. These 'fights' would happen at least once or twice every couple weeks.

So 2 days ago, she dropped the bombshell; "I can't be with you", due to apparent trust issues. I trust her completely, and I love her just as much. She told me when she broke up with me, that she needed time (to think about things etc). She gave me a week, to act normal and to see of we couldn't argue, then if her mind changed she would consider getting back together (although she made it clear that it could potentially be more than a week for her to make her mind up). Me being completely loved up, accepted the offer without realizing the mountain I was about to climb.

We used to talk all the time, but now we barely speak. When I'm not speaking to her, she's all I'm thinking about. I can't get her out of my head.

What's the problem then, you may ask? Well when we aren't together, we both seem to not get on.

When we talk now, it seems that she isn't making any effort whatsoever, and that she often forgets that I exist. I understand why she is like this though; her mother is in hospital and potentially could be put in a wheelchair for life.

We talked on the phone last night, and she said that she hasn't really thought about 'us' a lot, due to her mother being on her mind, which is completely understandable as she (the mother's health) is more important than our relationship. She also admitted that she is slowly losing feelings for me. I asked of she misses me, and she replied, "A little bit yeah".

You may think that a week, 7 days, isn't a long time. But when you're thinking of everything over and over, each day drags.

Before this 20 month relationship began, I waited 3 months for his girl, and I don't wanna sound selfish but I am not prepared to wait another 3 months after I've spent such a long time bonding with her; falling in love with her. It was routine waking up next to her, speaking to her etc.

Now there isn't a routine, and I'm heartbroken.

There's the story, now here is my question:

Shall I wait indefinitely until she is ready for a relationship, or call it quits and end it all for good now?

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated

[smackie9]

No don't wait. Show her that you will be unphased by this and willing to move on. Get into shape, start dating again, go out a lot, go to parties etc. She will realize she needs to cut this crap out or she will lose you forever.

[lalalita]

This sounds like something that happened to me when I was broken up with so he could "work on himself for 2 weeks". In reality, he just wanted to go off and have sex with as many girls as he could and then come back home to where he knew his bread was buttered. I agreed to it, and he started treating me the same way this girl is treating you. I wised up to his games pretty quickly, and once I told him as much and that I wasn't waiting around for his manipulation, he came crying and begging for me back.

Do yourself a favor. Distance yourself and move on. Someone who truly loves you would not do this to you.

[basilandthyme]

Lalalita wrote "someone who truly loves you would not do this to you"

This sentence is absolutely right. It's very likely that your girlfriend no longer loves you.....especially after all these fights you've spoken about. Thing is, a good relationship really doesn't have that many fights and disagreements. So, for all this fighting to be happening, it does point to a degree of incompatibility between the two of you.

I would hazard a guess that she's not speaking to you much because she's found a certain sense of relief to be away from the drama. I think it's only a matter of time before she ends things permanently.

So, no. Don't wait for her.

[codylf95]

yeah, dont wait

[signal]

I agree with not waiting, but I think what is more important is how are you actually resolving the fights with her. The fights are obviously the main reasons that caused the relationship to shift towards a different direction. Are you doing anything to think about how you might be not hearing the other side during the fight? because every couple fights, it's just how the fights are handled that keeps them together. Asking normal couples to not fight is pretty much impossible, so it's about the resolution. Maybe before you move on, if she allows you to, ask her if there are any room for you to improve to make sure that she (not you) is heard during the conflict. All this is assuming that the trust issue spawn from the fights.