Am I being a crazy GF or are my concerns legitamite?

[gemstone]

My bf and I are both 24 years old, and have been dating for about 10 months now. We communicate well, respect one another, and get along great, however THIS issue has been coming between us a lot lately. Well, my boyfriend is friends with his ex-gf. But for the first 2-3 months of our relationship, he told me she was only a "good-friend". 2-3 months later, I found it weird how he was often hanging out with this "good-friend" - going to the movies, shopping together, eating out, and HE tells me he wants to buy her a birthday gift. When I confronted him about this he told me that she was his ex-gf, but is completely meaningless to him now, and he sees her nothing more than a good friend; which is why he also told me she was a good friend. I let that go, and on we went with our relationship.

Following this, I noticed that she started posting catty comments on social media; he told me this was because she was obviously bothered by my bf dating me. But he assured me he shut down her advances, and didn't encourage her behavior. (I trust my boyfriend, and didn't have any proof to think otherwise, so I believed this as well) A mutual friend of ours then told me that this SAME ex had cheated on my boyfriend. I confronted my boyfriend about this, and asked him why he was still on good terms with someone who CHEATED on him, and why would he want to be buying a girl like that presents for? My boyfriend again said she was meaningless, and because he's over the cheating, they could be on good terms. As for the gift part, my boyfriend swore that he didn't get her anything but only told me he was buying her things once to make me jealous because apparently I made him jealous about something as well. Anyways, I got over that as well, and moved on.

My boyfriend then realized that I was becoming uncomfortable about her activity on social media, so he gave me his facebook password. Generally, I'm not the snooping type, so I never went through his facebook. He, however, HIMSELF told me that I had the authority to go through his facebook, and phone whenever I pleased. Now, I've had his password for 3 months now, but I have not once looked. Today, however, he left his laptop on, and I looked through his fb (which he DID give me the permission to do anyway) First thing I did was look for her in his messages, and unsurprisingly, all previous messages between him and her were deleted except 1-2 recent ones. I talked to him about this, and he said that he deleted it because there were things they said to each other in the past when they were dating and since all that wasn't relevant anymore, he decided to just delete everything.

Now, my boyfriend seems to have an explanation for everything. And because he does invest a lot of time in me, and doesn't hang out with her anymore (they just keep in touch via text), I am compelled to believe that I am being crazy, and there is in fact nothing going on. I'm just confused... I don't know if it's my insecurities leading me to believe there is something going on, or should I genuinely be concerned?

[michelle23]

You should have dumped him ages ago. The only reason he has to keep her in his life is to still f**k her or to try and get her back. Why have you tolerated this for so long? Have you even met her? Why hasnt he introduced you if there "just friends"? Why has he deleted messages? Why is he spending alone time with any other woman?

His behavior is completely unacceptable and this has gone on for too long. Hes either brain dead (coz he cannot see how this affects you) or hes manipulative and is playing you like a fiddle.

My advice is to mess with his head for awhile. Get in touch with an ex, ask him to meet you for coffee and send him 100 texts this week. Tell your bf hes just an old friend and theres nothing to worry about. Then watch the smoke come out of his ears and then you can tell him to go f**k himself and find a man who has more respect for you

[Smila]

Hahahahaha..classic "we are just friends" line..

Dude has been fvking her since the middle ages.....and i bet she is enjoying the arrangement

[TheEvilJester]

To me, keeping in touch with an ex that regularly is always a little bit fishy. I mean, your ex is your ex for a reason. To want to remain friendly is one thing. To remain that close of friends just makes no sense if you ask me. Now, that said, apparently when he realized it was upsetting you, he dialed it back. You said they don't really hang out anymore. So, if that is true, that is at least a good sign. Still, I would personally wonder why he would feel the need to be in such constant contact with somebody he used to date.

Not only that, but the moment she started trying to entice him back even though he had a new relationship was the moment a line was crossed (if it had not been crossed already) and he should have kept her at a distance from then on. So, I'm not really sure how I would personally advise moving forward on this. Even despite that he did dial it back for you a bit, I kind of still lean towards thinking it is unacceptable to be in touch with an ex that regularly when you are in another relationship. So, if it bothers you, I guess you just have to talk to him about it. But, try not to make it an argument if you can avoid that. Just a calm, cordial conversation where you explain how it makes you feel. If he can't respect that, then maybe he needs to find himself a woman who won't care that he keeps in contact with an ex. You know... if such a woman exists. Good luck!

[searock]

That is so sleazy, giving you the facebook password and then deleting every conversation as soon as it happens. What a lowlife. Get rid of him. Next time don't settle for a guy that has close female friends - by "close" I mean hanging out alone with her on a regular basis, chatting all the time at any hour of the day and night, and so on.