I've lost my mind over the sweetest stranger....

[nautire]

Hi.

I am losing my mind over a guy who I have known for about 2 months but only seen 3 times! I am not sure what's got over me.

He was very loving with his texts and his attitude and also when we saw each other (we have had sex), giving the impression that we were both falling for each other the same. But then, suddenly, he has backed right off and has told me that I am too full on and he is not looking for a serious relationship, that he wants to keep things simple but does not know if it is possible.

He has also given me a lot of mixed messages, like he feels something very strong for me (at first, after I said it of me towards him) and when he was baking off he said I am not his type of personality.

We also didn't have a straight forward start. We met in a dating site and there was something about him (as I saw him in his picture) that make me feel I had to meet him (he did not look extremely handsome or anything like that). We started talking almost straight away (I approached him) and he gave me his number that same day. We started talking in whatsapp and we agreed to meet on Sat the week after we met in the site. Then, 3 days before Sat, he stopped sending me messages and replying to mine or did not pick up the phone. I sent him a message in facebook asking him if he was alright, but did not get an answer.

I deleted all his details, blocked him on whatsapp and facebook and forgot about him. A week later, he sent me a whatsapp message saying that he was sorry, that he suffered from depression that came and went and blablabla. I replied and said I was sorry for him and that we all had some sort of emotional difficulties. I offer to meet again and he said that I was a nice person and that yes, he would like to meet. Then we kept writing nice messages to each other and met in a park. We liked each other straight away and he disclosed that he was also embarrassed because he was a bit broke and could have not invited me to anything. I said to him that I did also offer to meet in a park and I really did not mind how much money he had, I mind about the person. We had a first kiss in the park and we both really liked it and agreed to meet again in three days time. We met at mines and we made love and it was incredibly intoxicating (as in high like a kite). He was very loving after that, his attitude, his texts, everything... but theeeeen, guess what? He disappeared again three days before we were due to meet again in a weeks time!

Apparently, his reasoning was that I was too full on:
- I was complimenting him about how he would make a good father (he has a 12 year old daughter and I have 3 children under the age of 7; he did say he wanted a boy after he had his daughter, but due to his ex wife having mental health issues, he decided not to, but stayed with her for 10 years - she became pregnant with the daughter after 6 months in the relationship), but he would also compliment me as being a good mother... He said in this sense that he was scared of rushing things as he did with his ex and all went wrong with her;
- He miss-understood me before we were due to meet the third time and thought I wanted to introduce him to my family, but in fact he made me think he was ok with meeting them cause I already told him that my family was staying with me and he suggested to come to mine!... Anyway.
- Also, I suggested to go to the cinema and to invite him for this 3rd meeting, and he said ok, but then told me (when I managed to resume contact) that he was still embarrassed for not having money.
- There are more stuff, but I can't remember. It was all like the examples above.

I again deleted his phone number and blocked him, but I was struggling cause I was already falling for him so I wrote to him another facebook message saying to him that I really missed him and I really did not mind he did not have money and blablabla. He texted me and said that he had wanted to contact me but again felt embarrassed for the money thing, concerned that I wanted to have his child (what!) and wanted him to meet my family (what!), etc etc. He said he would love to see me again and again, but keeping things simple. I said I could do that and then arranged to meet at his. In between, he was again very loving with his texts and sexually naughty (making requests of pictures and so on). We successfully met a couple of days after resuming contact and made mad love (I think I have never clicked like that with someone in bed and outside bed, when we talk). Then his daughter started to call him constantly after a couple of hours together, demanding that he picked her up even though she was with her mother and they could walk or even take the bus to where the daughter was due to go... Finally, he decided he would pick her up and I said ok. But then, the person who was supposed to be available to pick her up appeared and as I had suggested to go to eat out (I was inviting, obviously), we decided to go. We had a great night (although there was a weird incident with the waitress... it couldn't be any other way!). And now that I am writing it, it is hilarious!!! Hahahaha. Well, I tell you: when she had served the meals on the table, he asked for pepper. She brought one of those huge pepper grounders with a bolt at the top. She put it across her bust and started to ground the pepper. Nothing much was coming out, so he asked her to loosen-up-the-top (meaning the bolt!) and she became all flustered and nervious, and put one hand on the top button of her blouse, repeating nerviously what he had said... hahahaha. He started to sweat from his chicks! Hahahaha. I tell you, nothing is straight forward with this guy. BUT HE DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!

When we said our good nights, we agreed to meet the next day. Well, guess what???? He disappeared again! Did not answer my texts or phone calls. Finally, cause I called him constantly for a good 5 minutes, he sent me a whatsapp message saying that he had a bad day with his daughter and could not stand the drama of relationships and that is why he had left his ex-es... blablabla.

Anyway, we exchanged a few messages in whatsapp for the following week or so and he was just telling me that he did not want a serious relationship from the beginning, that we were like a married couple (????!!!!) and I was not his type of personality but I was a good person and I would find someone normal (and much more like that).

Then, 3 days later I texted him and said I could not stand normal and I liked weird guys like him. He replied and said "me too" (I supposed he meant he could not stand normal either) but could not deal with the drama that seems to come with relationships and it would be really nice if we could keep things simple, but he was not sure that was possible. I asked him what that meant to him so that we could get to an agreement... but no answer. I have written to him up to today (this is 4 days after he answered) with no answers at all. I have also spoken about how I’m going mad for him to every person I come across who is close to me (including my poor ex and father of my children who wants us to be together, but can see that I am acting weird and seem a bit distraught - obviously, he needs to care as I have the kids full time and he picks and chooses when he has them, mainly in my house, so imagine how much personal space I have also working 30 hours a week in a rather emotionally stressful job...). Well, when I write it this way, it makes more sense that I am losing it a bit, don't you think so? Hahahahaha).

I also have to say that I had a little crisis like this last year at the beginning of spring as well, but the guy lived abroad (in my home land) and he was a bit more clear (just a bit) and far anyway. But since I separated 4 and a half years ago, I have not had that many impulses (although the need I had) to meet other men except these two occasions, so everything feels very intense. I feel kindda like a teenager.

Lastly about him, he has recently dissapeared in facebook (which he only joined in Jan this year and said he was not too keen on it anyway) and his phone has the following automated message when I phone from any number: sorry, calls are not currently being connected to this number. Although I can see that he goes into his whatsapp (cause of the "last seen" status) and my messages are being delivered (which both clues mean he has not blocked me in whatsapp). He also seems to enter whatsapp when I have sent him a message mainly, otherwise he does not seem to touch it.

Please, help! What is happening to me and why he now has completely close all avenues of communication? What are your thoughts? How can I help myself? Do you think I still have chances with this guy? Or shall I find a way of channelling my desires, my unconditional love and my emotions in a different way? But how? Nothing seems to work...

Thanks!

[WatYouNeed2Hear]

I dealt with a woman that did that exact same thing to me. They tell you everything that you could want to hear the few times that you are together, but continuously fall off the face of the map. I have found in those situations that a lot of times no matter who they are trying to start a relationship with, if there are certain things that the new love interest does that reminds them of their ex that can push them away. It has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong. He came out of a marriage where is wife was mentally unstable which leads me to believe that had some type of adverse effect on him. You can't force someone to feel a towards you the way you may feel towards them. That is why relationships are great when you can find a individual that legitimately enjoys your company as much as you do theirs. Not to deter you further, but he also sounds like a guy that made sure that no long term relationship would come out of you to being together and just wanted to see if he could get you into bed. I am not saying that is what he did whatsoever, but just knowing how some guys are, they will say pretty much anything they can to seal the deal. I'd say maybe reach out to him a time or two more then call it quits. You don't want to keep wasting your time spinning your wheels for something that will never be. Remember you have to look out for yourself and make you are not setting yourself up to get hurt further down the road. Find someone that is willing to invest the same time into you as you are willing to do with them. Hope this helps!

[chinagirl]

First of all, it's too obvious (and I don't know why you didn't figure this out the first 2 dates with him) that all this guy wanted from you is SEX and nothing else. And as to why you keep on contacting this guy when it's obvious that he does not want you to be his GF is hard to understand.

Lesson learned, DON'T SLEEP with a GUY UNTIL YOU ARE EXCLUSIVE in the RELATIONSHIP to avoid being sexually used.

Stop contacting the guy. That makes you look desperate and will give him more reason to use you for his sexual needs. And the fact that he is broke that he can't even take you to a movie is also a deal breaker, seriously...

Beware of online dating because there are a lot of predators out there waiting to prey on someone like you who is emotionally vulnerable. Next time, be selective of the guys you go out with and as soon as they show any signs of "creepiness", RUN!!!

[Wakeup]

That's the longest explanation of being played that I've yet to read.

[hatesthis]

I think you are better off without this person... why do you want him so bad even after all of that and him hiding from you?

[nautire]

Thanks guys, love having our advice xxx

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I meant "your" advice

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Just to clarify, I went on a dating site to have fun too! (ie sex). But I fell for this guy. Why? I don't know...

I have sent him a last message apologizing for pestering him and wishing him the best... He has replied the next day apologizing for not getting back to me sooner and has clarified now what keep things simple means to him: SEX! Hoorey! I get answers.

I have cried over that and the fact that he does not want me but does not leave me the **** alone... My ex says that he has me on a string. You would probably agree.

It is so difficult to find someone who moves your bones... I think that is what I find hard, to let go of that feeling.

Life sucks sometimes, snif snif

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The reality as well is that he is very charming and handsome in person, he could have any woman he wants... (look what happened to the waitress). But keeps coming back to me. WHY? Convinience? Easy catch? He actually likes me beyond sex but is scared...?

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I am planning to leave him in limbo with his last message (3 hours ago) and see what happens. You have to see me when I saw the message... (shouting at the phone) "mother ****er", "wank yourself", "you wish, sucker mother ****er!!!", "you will see now what is to suffer, butt head!"... hahahaha

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Oh, god... this is so intense...

[chinagirl]

I doubt if he can get any woman he wants... The guy is obviously weird and creepy. As to why you fell for him?
That's a big ???? Plus he's freaking BROKE!!!!

[Valixy]

He won't give you more than he's given you until now if you keep looking for him, but less, much less... He's already been disrespectful and you put up with it, so you can imagine what's next.

You should end it now and look for a different kind of guy, someone who is interested in a relationship, someone who is available, doesn't do disappearing acts and doesn't run away when you mention your family.

When you have 3 children under the age of 7, you cannot afford the luxury to fall for loosers who don't love you back or aren't interested in you. Let teenager girls learn from doing mistakes like that, you've got more intelligence and class and other priorities in your life, like finding a decent good person who could love you in a way that would make you and your 3 children happy. There are 1001 red flags in this man's behaviour that should make you forget about him completely, so why don't you? Wouldn't you enjoy being with someone who takes you seriously and really cares about you?

[Wakeup]

Thanks guys, love having our advice xxx

- - - Updated - - -

I meant "your" advice

- - - Updated - - -

Just to clarify, I went on a dating site to have fun too! (ie sex). But I fell for this guy. Why? I don't know...

I have sent him a last message apologizing for pestering him and wishing him the best... He has replied the next day apologizing for not getting back to me sooner and has clarified now what keep things simple means to him: SEX! Hoorey! I get answers.

I have cried over that and the fact that he does not want me but does not leave me the **** alone... My ex says that he has me on a string. You would probably agree.

It is so difficult to find someone who moves your bones... I think that is what I find hard, to let go of that feeling.

Life sucks sometimes, snif snif

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The reality as well is that he is very charming and handsome in person, he could have any woman he wants... (look what happened to the waitress). But keeps coming back to me. WHY? Convinience? Easy catch? He actually likes me beyond sex but is scared...?

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I am planning to leave him in limbo with his last message (3 hours ago) and see what happens. You have to see me when I saw the message... (shouting at the phone) "mother ****er", "wank yourself", "you wish, sucker mother ****er!!!", "you will see now what is to suffer, butt head!"... hahahaha

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Oh, god... this is so intense...

If you go to your nearest emergency department and ask to see a psychiatrist it would be the best thing you've done for yourself.

[nautire]

If you go to your nearest emergency department and ask to see a psychiatrist it would be the best thing you've done for yourself.

Again, thanks for the replies, except you WAKE UP. There is no need to be disrespectful. My brother died three yeas ago due to a mental health issue and it's obvious you have very little knowledge of what that is or even psychiatry emergency services are intended for. So I will appreciate if you back off from this thread and think about what you said. I'm here precisely to keep my sanity, not to be attacked. Thank you for being nicer in advance.

I take all of your points, guys. I think you are right in the fact that what I'm getting now is what I will get with this guy in any future dealings with him. The fact that he only wants sex is not the problem actually. The issue is that he groomed me to get that instead of being clear from the beginning and that he acts weirdly. The question about why I have fallen for him has no easy answer, but also is difficult to write here everything that has happen, so there are key elements that are missing. In any case, do the cons outweigh the pros? Probably yes.

Thanks lovely people ;-)

[Wakeup]

Again, thanks for the replies, except you WAKE UP. There is no need to be disrespectful. My brother died three yeas ago due to a mental health issue and it's obvious you have very little knowledge of what that is or even psychiatry emergency services are intended for.

Well, I'm sorry about your brother but what has that got to do with what is best, IMO, for you?

So I will appreciate if you back off from this thread and think about what you said. I'm here precisely to keep my sanity, not to be attacked. Thank you for being nicer in advance.

When you put your life out to the world to get opinions and advice on, you're not going to get what you want to hear 100% of the time, in fact you may even get what you NEED to hear instead.

I take all of your points, guys. I think you are right in the fact that what I'm getting now is what I will get with this guy in any future dealings with him. The fact that he only wants sex is not the problem actually. The issue is that he groomed me to get that instead of being clear from the beginning

That is a bunch of huey you use to self-sooth. You've said yourself that you went on the dating site to get some fun. What did you think he hit on you for. Marriage?

and that he acts weirdly.

Well, when someone acts weirdly, you should leave them, not keep seeing an doing them.

The question about why I have fallen for him has no easy answer, but also is difficult to write here everything that has happen, so there are key elements that are missing. In any case, do the cons outweigh the pros? Probably yes.

Thanks lovely people ;-)

You haven't "fallen for him" what you've done is become addicted to the drama AND the lust. When you go cold turkey and stop talking to him and stop practically begging him for more of the same treatment the you yourself will stop acting less "WEIRD" I think seeing a therapist will help you to maintain the non-weirdness.

There it is.

When you have 3 children under the age of 7, you cannot afford the luxury to fall for loosers who don't love you back or aren't interested in you.

Added ^^^ that because it's worth repeating. Just in case you forgot about it, nautire. Although I would change the words "love you back" because what you have for him is not love. It's obsession and addiction.

[nautire]

Ok, thanks. You have valid points in a much nicer way.

Yes I do not need to hear things in a plain way and I repeat, thanks to all cause your respectful comments help me to get the guy out of my system. Yes there is an element of addiction and I have identified this myself before comming into the site.

Nevertheless, this is not a matter for a therapist or anything like that. I have had therapy various times before for matters that stopped me from functioning in my day to day life, due to things like having suffered threats to my physical integrity, bereavement, first time my brother was sectioned... So really, the point I'm trying to make (although you might not see the link to this thread) is that there are many ways to say things and you do not know the background of the person you are talking to. It is not efficient communication to judge someone and that is what you do by saying go to emergencies for a psychiatrist or you need a therapist. I should be the judge for that.

Take care not to offend people.

Can I ask you, have you come into the site to comment on other people's stories or do you have a story too?

[nautire]

Yes I do not need to hear things in a plain way...

I meant "Yes, I DO need to hear things in a plain way"