Is it really possible to be in love yet still be attracted to another

[nico88]

So I feel insanely ridiculous. One because I feel this is kinda a stupid question and two because I'm legitly sitting here on my phone posting this dumbass question on love forum but I need advice. And I need it from an outside party. So here we go.

I've been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for two years. We live together, have two dogs together, and are genuinely really happy. I'd do anything for her. I really would. But just recently I met this girl and I have honestly never been so physically attracted to another person in my entire life. I feel like a dick for saying this, but I wasn't even this attracted to my girlfriend when I met her. This is entirely new to me. I mean, don't get me wrong I'm not saying I'm not guilty of checking other girls out but usually I'll just sort of acknowledge that they're good looking and forget about it. But with this girl it's different. At first I was just physically attracted to her but I was recently forced to go on a camping trip for buddy's birthday and he invited said chick to go as well and I realized she's way more then just a pretty face. I dig everything about this girl. Her mind, her sense of humor, her body, just everything.

I haven't acted on any of these feelings I have towards her. And I don't plan to. I mean I do love my girlfriend and I'd never want to hurt her by cheating. So basically I wanna know if anyone else has ever been in love but felt so ****ing strongly attracted to someone who is not their significant other and how or what they did about it. Like does it make me a dick of a boyfriend that I'm even feeling this way? Or is not as big of a deal as I'm making it? Or does the fact that I'm having feelings for someone else mean I need to reevaluate my current relationship? Idk man. Just taking a shot out in the dark I guess. Any advice any love gurus can send my way, I'd be appreciative.

[basilandthyme]

I think it's not unusual to get crushes while in a relationship. I know that I have. The trick I had to learn was to recognise that it's likely just infatuation and to walk away from it.

And yes, I think that it's worth reassessing the relationship you're in. But don't feel that the result must be doom and gloom - you may well realise that what you've got is very important to you and that you wouldn't want to walk away. Having said that, sometimes the grass IS greener. But it's generally only greener if you're already miserable in your current relationship.

[justmeandi]

Hmmmm someone once said to me the grass is never greener, I shrugged it off and mowed that grass anyways, ruined a 3 year relationship, for some amazing sex that only lasted 6 months till the new grass deiceded it wanted its old grass... if you follow.
Basically I hooked up with someone while with someone else, the sex was great... left my relationship to be with this chick, as soon as she found out i was ready for a bit more then what we had, she gapped it and went back to her ex.
Advice, delete this other person from your life and focus on your missus, trust me, it hardly ever turns out how you think.

Luck

[smackie9]

I agree you need to assess your relationship. Do you see her for the long haul, marriage, kids, etc? How about compatibility? Do you and your GF share the same passions, interests, can bring new things to the relationship to keep it fresh? Maybe this is a sign, you have just settled because your GF is a great gal.

It's true you can be intensely attracted to someone while in a relationship....be all aw struck. It can be an illusion tho, like everyone mentioned. There is a 50/50 chance this could be the future Mrs. Nico88, it all about risk. When risking, you give up something to have something. Risking is only worth it if you need to make a change.

I have heard of positive stories not just negative, of those who even left marriages for their crush, and have success making that choice. So choose wisely.

[basilandthyme]

I too know of positive outcomes when someone has left a relationship for someone else. But there are no guarantees....be careful

[michelle23]

I dont think you should leave a relationship for someone else. If your unhappy-break up but then be alone for awhile. Or else it will just be a rebound and you will compare everything about both girls.

Its possible you could be craving infatuation (the newness-butterflies etc) coz you are not infatuated by your current gf anymore (which is a good thing) and no the grass probably isnt greener in this case coz you say your happy.

You should avoid the other girl completely and dont allow yourself to get infatuated. It sounds like you have all you need at home so dont sabotage it. Instead put all your energy into having fun with your gf, create new experiences, go on date nights, try new things in bed etc

[chinagirl]

I'd go with reassessing your current relationship to see if your still "in love" with your GF... And YES, it is possible to be strongly attracted to another person while in a relationship.

[nico88]

I've definitely had "crushes" on other girls while in relationships before. You can't fight what your eyes find visually stimulating right? But they've never made me step back and think "huh..I'd like to see where this can go". I originally thought the intense attractions/feelings I had was because I hadn't really been around my girlfriend for a few months (I got a weird work schedule that can keep me away or just completely spent for a few months) but I don't think that's what it is anymore. Then again it could be what a few of you mentioned about just the newness of it. She's the complete opposite of my girlfriend. The only similarity they share is their passion I guess. They both have something in their lives they're extremely passionate about and I really dig that in a partner. I don't know..this shits tricky. A part of me is saying just walk away and another is telling me I could be regretting it if I do. I guess I just need to go into my mind palace (hopefully some of you get this reference) and reassess some things. Thanks for the advice everyone. You all made really good points.

[bekho]

I've been in your situation before. Ended up cheating on my gf who wasn't in the country at the time. I learned a lot from the experience. About what love is and who I was etc. I think you should follow your heart, but what I want to say is the grass is only greener where you water it.

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[michelle23]

It probably is the distance. Its hard to maintain a ltr if you hardly ever see each other. The lack of closeness, intimacy, sex etc will drift you apart. Perhaps its time to find a new job so you can invest fully in what you have.

Why are you going camping with other women and not your gf??In 6 years-my bf has never done that-nor have I.. your asking for trouble

[nico88]

I like you Michelle, you speak your mind.

I promise it wasn't just with her. It was group of my friends. About 15 of us. And I was a good and kept my distance most of the time. If I had a conversation with her we were always around other people. I'm a smart guy ..but curiosity did get the best of me so I will admit there were times when it was just her and I but it was just friendly conversations about life, ambitions, family, etc. I brought my girlfriend into the conversation, so she knew I wasn't available. She respected that in the fact that with the lil flirty vibes she was throwing my way ceased. Which I think shows a lot to her character. Which made me kinda like her more. Is that weird? That's weird. Haha.

As far as the job thing goes..it would be kinda hard because I worked my life towards doing what I'm doing right now and I ****ing love it but I know you make sacrifices for love and if I push came to shove and it was what was best for us then I guess I wouldn't be opposed. It would suck balls but sometimes you gotta go what you gotta do, right?

[bekho]

In my experience. If a girl likes you she won't care if u have a gf or not. And in more cases than youd think, having a gf makes other girls much more friendly with you than without.

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[bekho]

How old are you? Can you look at your gf in the same way after having those butterfly feelings for someone else? If anything, it highlights the lack of those feelings you have for your gf as perhaps that time has passed.

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[nico88]

I'm 25. And yeah in my experiences most girls don't care when I tell them I have a girl either but that's cause they're usually..uh how can I put this politely..They're just not the kinda girls you'd bring home to ma. But just the fact she backed off even tho she was clearly into me was cool. That shows me that she has the sort of character I look for in a partner.

I feel like I can look at my girlfriend the same as I did before I met this new girl. If I stop contact now. And I be happy with my girlfriend still. But, I think new girl would be hard to forget tho. And I'd always wonder what if..

[michelle23]

What if what??

Lets say your single. You take her out, she turns out to be your worst nightmare coz shes "the opposite of your girl" and in 6months time you break up coz your not compatible. 99% of relationships end within the first year. Its actually hard to find someone who ticks all the boxes..

My bfs best friend is good looking, great job, decent money, nice personality etc and he cant find a decent woman the past 4years... just saying