Have I Pigeon-Holed Myself?

[KimSay]

So I started seeing this guy about a month ago. I did not sleep with him on the first date or anything, but I did sleep with him pretty quickly...third date...that's fast to me. That's very unlike me. I usually wait about three months before sleeping with someone. I even once dated a guy for 8 months without ever sleeping with him. But this one is different. My intuitive sense told me it was okay. Now he calls me everyday, tells me he misses me if I'm not around, introduces me to all of his friends, and takes me out all of the time. I sleep at his house a couple times a week. However, while he has actually used the word "relationship" in reference to what we are doing, he does not call me his girlfriend. He calls me his "lady friend". I am a very sensitive human being, and if all of that means I've been pigeon-holed as FWB, I need to know because my heart breaks easily and I'm really starting to have feelings for him. I use the phrase "totally infatuated" and he uses "****ing smitten". It just feels like everything is moving really fast, but I want to know where I stand. There are too many things going on in my life right now, and I don't need to add the feeling of being used to my little stress arsenal. I don't think I'm being used persay...I just need to be sure. What do you think?

[smackie9]

You need to know, then you need to ask him. Pretty simple.

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If I had some guy call me his "lady friend", I would stop in my tracks and confront him.....why the hell did't you say something right then?

[surfhb]

Those aren't the actions of a man who just wants to get laid.

Lady friend and girlfriend are the same thing.

Ask the guy where you two stand

[lalalita]

Yep, ask him. It's time to have the talk. His reaction will tell you everything.

[KimSay]

Yep, ask him. It's time to have the talk. His reaction will tell you everything.

Here's the thing about it. I think his hesitance may be due to the fact that we BOTH had the idea of moving to Seattle and we are BOTH planning that move separately. I'm also not sure if that talk will freak him out when we haven't even been dating an entire month. It's been INTENSE and above all, ridiculously fast.

[surfhb]

Here's the thing about it. I think his hesitance may be due to the fact that we BOTH had the idea of moving to Seattle and we are BOTH planning that move separately. I'm also not sure if that talk will freak him out when we haven't even been dating an entire month. It's been INTENSE and above all, ridiculously fast.

What do you want? Determine that then see where you two stand

[basilandthyme]

I'm also not sure if that talk will freak him out when we haven't even been dating an entire month. It's been INTENSE and above all, ridiculously fast.

Well say that too. Hon, you'll never know if you don't ask

[KimSay]

I know that's right. I can be ultra submissive sometimes and it's hard for me to initiate those types of conversations. I guess I could just grow a pair!

[michelle23]

You need to know where you stand so you can decide whether to keep seeing him or to move on. What are you so afraid of? This should be on YOUR terms. You want a relationship and if he cant give you that-you move on. Just ask him straight "what are we and is this going somewhere" if you dont like his answer tell him you dont do half assed romance so goodbye

[razrazraz]

The fact that he;s integrating you into his life and introducing you to his freinds means a lot. Don't get hung up on the semantics of "girlfriend" versus "lady friend". Actions are what counts. Talk to him if you feel insecure.

[smackie9]

There have been too many people who come here, saying "they did all the right things, but it turns out they are dating others, or we are FWB...." Never just assume, or you could find yourself deeply disappionted.

[Wakeup]

You're afraid to ask him because you think you have something to lose if he says you're just coasting and he doesn't want commitment, when in reality asking means you have everything to gain because if he's not on the same page as you, you will feel much better actually being back in control of your own s hit and full disclosure will give you the power to decide what is in YOUR BEST EMOTIONAL INTERESTS.

Maintain your personal power here and get that conversation out and on the table.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think the frequency of his contact and how often he spends time with you are good signs.

I've introduced my friends to plenty of girls, I knew would be nothing more than a smash-piece. My friends knew it too, without me having to say anything, so I don't think introducing you to friends means much.

Like everyone else said, ask him.

[Pinta77]

It's possible he just isn't sensitive to your feelings... and you could ask him to work on that. I mean maybe he doesn't do it on purpose either. Maybe he just wasn't thinking. Talk it out with him. It seems like there are some possible red flags, but maybe it's just a few misunderstandings because from what you say, he doesn't seem like a bad guy.

[dave4472]

It sounds like he really likes you actually, his term of "lady friend" might be a bit weird but I think you mean way more to him than just a FWB type thing. I've had a few FWB's myself and I usually tried to avoid them most of the time....except when I wanted something! I wouldn't get too hung up on when you first slept with him, yes I normally prefer to wait a while too (and I'm a guy! lol) but these things happen sometimes and I don't think he looks at you any different because of it. I really think he likes you, maybe he's just a little scared to get involved in something too serious.