So i got cheated on

[Clicker]

I posted an earlier thread how my girlfriend ditched me to get drunk. Well she went with girls from her school ( one who was a lesbian) and she ended up making out with the lesbian and then afterward slept on an opposite couch as her. We've been dating for about a year and a half. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with her but i wish she didn't do that. Especially cause she lied about it to my face a bunch of times. Then called me after we had settled things about her ditching me. But for some reason i felt super weird about it. Anyway shes been super apologetic and willing to do anything including sswitching out classes with the lesbian girl. I feel super confused. Shes never done anything like that before and i think she feels super bad. Should i forgive her or will our trust always be mangled?

[smackie9]

No one can tell you what to do, you will have to follow your heart and decide. Forgiving her is only the first step, the next step is to discuss why she made that decision to cheat, like is she sexually confused, you are not emotionally there for her, you both don't have very good communication, does she feel neglected, bored, lonely, depressed, etc.

The cheating is a symptom to a deeper issue, and you will not be able to proceed repairing your relationship until you fix those issues.

[michelle23]

I disagree. I dont think cheating is just a mere symptom that something is wrong with the relationship. I think its a personality flaw in her and you shouldnt blame yourself for something she did.

You are young, you could v easily walk away from this and heal-meet someone more trustworthy. Thats what I would do but its your choice.

I do think though when the trust is gone-its not coming back

[Wakeup]

I don't think its a symptom either. Its up to you what you do op but you're young and there are enough women out there that aren't confused about what kind of genitals they need to survive so why don't you do yourself a favour and find one that is more like yourself and is only interested in the opposite sex?

You two are completely incompatible on a core level and you'll now need to ask yourself how will you ever trust her again?

[chinagirl]

No one can tell you what to do, you will have to follow your heart and decide. Forgiving her is only the first step, the next step is to discuss why she made that decision to cheat, like is she sexually confused, you are not emotionally there for her, you both don't have very good communication, does she feel neglected, bored, lonely, depressed, etc.

The cheating is a symptom to a deeper issue, and you will not be able to proceed repairing your relationship until you fix those issues.

I go with smackie on this one. Don't easily dump your relationship until you find out what the real issues are...

[michelle23]

That implies its somehow OP's fault - "not giving me enough attention, not enough sex" etc they are all just excuses coz they could have come to you and said "I am not happy because.... and we need to fix this together or go our separate ways". We are not mind readers which is why communication is so important.

Even if there are issues-cheating doesnt solve them-all it does it make a bad situation much worse.

[chinagirl]

This is not pointing any fault, if anything at all, this gives more emphasis on your point as to how crucial is communication to a relationship.

He say's he does not want to break up with her. Look, whether you like it or not, people make mistakes everyday in relationship or not, but true commitment and love requires understanding and forgiveness and this is what you learn as you mature, is that you just don't dump a relationship the second someone committed a mistake.

It may take a lot of effort but some relationships are worth saving.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

true commitment and love requires understanding and forgiveness and this is what you learn as you mature, is that you just don't dump a relationship the second someone committed a mistake.

Does true commitment and love go **** other people?

It's not a mistake, it's a deliberate act. It takes a weak person to stay, and they deserve it when it happens again.

[chinagirl]

Does true commitment and love go **** other people?

It's not a mistake, it's a deliberate act. It takes a weak person to stay, and they deserve it when it happens again.

That's your opinion. Some guys/gals that I know have been cheated on and they had the couraged to forgive because of their love and commitment for their partners and have been known to be happy thereafter. If anything, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness (for couples who decide to stay in a relationship) but a sign of strength and you just set an example that not every one can have such courage and strength...

[Wakeup]

I think the important thing why the op should not get back with this chick is because she's bi sexual and she cheated. They are incompatible at a very core level and that isn't something to ignore and try and make work. Unless of course they want to do threesomes... then everyone will be trying to maintain a relationship on the same level and with compatibility.

She didn't just cheat... she cheated with someone of the same sex. How will the Op ever be able to improve on that so that this relationship works? Well, he can't.

They're young, they've only dated for a year and a half. This isn't a long term relationship so why try to fit them together when they're far better off apart so they both can find people that they have more in common with.

[chinagirl]

Because he does not want to break up with her. I've known straight women who made out with other girls... That doesn't make them a lesbian or bi sexual. Some women experiment with the same gender. And he said that "She's super sorry and feels super bad" about what she had done. If she wasn't remorseful then by all means he should break up with her. And she hasn't done such a thing before. She's doing everything to avoid the lesbian by switching classes.

Young adults do stupid stuff but that doesn't mean they don't deserve a second chance.

I think clicker that you should follow your heart. Only you will know who and what makes you happy.

The people here can only give you advise based on assumptions and the very little information that we read on your post.

[Wakeup]

... and I think that is codependent thinking at its finest in THIS SITUATION.

To each their own, clikr but you'd do very well to talk to your parents about this situation and get their perspective on this before you just go ahead with someone that gets drunk and does things against your relationship of only 1-1/2 years old. You should both be so into one another during the honeymoon stage of less then two years that another person wouldn't even be on her radar yet. I'm sure no one else was on yours. Right?

If you're too embarrassed to speak to your parents about this then that too is something that you should think about, that being that She's done something you're ashamed to share because you know she'll be judged negatively by anyone who loves you and has your best emotional well being in mind going forward.

[chinagirl]

That is right, to each their own. I just happen to recognize the fact that people screw up sometimes and deserves forgiveness and that is what he is asking here is whether to forgive or not.

Clicker, you should also ask your closest friends who know you and your GF better than anyone else to see what their take on this.

Sometimes Parents aren't always the best to ask because they will always be biased in their opinion and I'm talking as a parent here. We always want what's best for our kids but sometimes fail to recognized that our kids also know what's best for them.

I'm out.

[Wakeup]

Sometimes Parents aren't always the best to ask because they will always be biased in their opinion and I'm talking as a parent here. We always want what's best for our kids but sometimes fail to recognized that our kids also know what's best for them.

*snipped*

All we can do for our kids is guide them in the way we think would be best for them in the long run and tell them why we think whatever it is we think. It's totally up to our young adult children to use the good values and convictions we've tried to instill in them so that they love themselves enough not to settle out of fear of being without.

[michelle23]

My definition of strengt is far different to yours china. Im with backup. Co-dependant, weak people stay in miserable dysfunctional relationships that are full of pain, drama, stress, jealousy and trust issues.

You know you can forgive AND walk away at the same time and save yourself a hell of a lot of grief. People heal faster after being cheated on if they dont have the other person around constantly reminding them of what happened

And it takes a lot of strength and courage to walk away from someone you love who you know is bad for you.