Slept With Good Guy Friend. . .Just Want Some Opinions

[searock]

it just seems like it's alot of work to get me in bed with them, only to cut me out right after.

This is so not what happened. He wasn't just trying to get you to sleep with him, he was genuinely infatuated - maybe even in love - with you. He had really strong feelings for you, he hoped that you would feel the same some day, that is why he stuck around for all those years. When he realized that you would never reciprocate his feelings, it was like a wake up call... he finally accepted that you will never feel the same way and he started moving on. He went no contact and is now ignoring you because he wants to move on from his heartbreak, and the only way he can do that is by being well away from you.

I think you should stop contacting him just to tell him how much you miss him as a friend. It's like a slap in the face to him every time you do.

[Wakeup]

*I'm laughing my ass off here*

I'll put it to you this way Op. The only way I'd believe that above is if that email did indeed ask you to be his gf/wife and you didn't bother to answer him.

Telling you that kind of stuff above is pure speculation otherwise and you shouldn't (for your own sanity) believe it to be true. No offense Sea but yours, like the rest of ours, is a guess.

So: Why don't you try and find out what that email said before you listen to another guess here. Or: Actually block him in the hallway and get him to talk to you about what he's doing.

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If he was in love with you (still is) would you be his girlfriend not to be confused with girl friend?

[smackie9]

Ya that is my question too.....

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When a guy is in love, it gets to a point he can't be around you anymore if there is no hope of a relationship.

If you can't offer anything more than friendship, then give up on the guy, he is done. Leave him be.

[xviiinfinitum]

thank you guys, now that you guys are saying the same thing, and this is the only plausible explanation i have for what happened, it's kind of good to know i'm not in the wrong for thinking this is what happened too.

see the thing is, i don't know, i'S not saying it's 100% i don't wanna date him. but he's SO hostile towards me, i feel like if i even try to approach him in class it's like adding oil to fire. i'm just SO SCARED of approaching him, like...his hostility is on another level. plus i feel embarrassed as it is having texted him and msged on FB and no responses. he might just be like "why is this girl still bothering me?"

oh, plus he said he doesn't want a relationship even before this all happened.

i want to know what happened first, before i decide. i don't know how i feel about him 100%, now that i've seen him. it was like out of sight out of mind til i saw him. like i said i never got a resolution so i never bothered to deal with how i felt.

[Wakeup]

IF a guy is in love, it gets to a point he can't be around you anymore if there is no hope of a relationship.

If That Is Actually The Case (he wanted you as his gf ) and You can't offer anything more than friendship, then give up on the guy, he is done. Leave him be.

Fixed that!

[xviiinfinitum]

Fixed what? LOL

[searock]

thank you guys, now that you guys are saying the same thing, and this is the only plausible explanation i have for what happened, it's kind of good to know i'm not in the wrong for thinking this is what happened too.

see the thing is, i don't know, i'S not saying it's 100% i don't wanna date him. but he's SO hostile towards me, i feel like if i even try to approach him in class it's like adding oil to fire. i'm just SO SCARED of approaching him, like...his hostility is on another level. plus i feel embarrassed as it is having texted him and msged on FB and no responses. he might just be like "why is this girl still bothering me?"

oh, plus he said he doesn't want a relationship even before this all happened.

i want to know what happened first, before i decide. i don't know how i feel about him 100%, now that i've seen him. it was like out of sight out of mind til i saw him. like i said i never got a resolution so i never bothered to deal with how i felt.

Make up your mind about wanting to date him before you approach him. If you decide that you do NOT want to date him, leave him alone. He needs to be able to move on.

[Wakeup]

oh, plus he said he doesn't want a relationship even before this all happened.

Why would a man that wanted you as a girlfriend tell you he didn't want you as a girlfriend, fk you and then completely avoid you?.... I think we should ask BackUpOrGetStng about this one.

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he's SO hostile towards me,

If the girls are right and he wanted to be more then your friend but you didn't want that then to me it sounds like he took out the rejection on you and angry fkd you.

[searock]

If the girls are right and he wanted to be more then your friend but you didn't want that then to me it sounds like he took out the rejection on you and angry fkd you.

Yeah, this is a possibility actually. Or, after you had sex and you still didn't change his mind about him, he became really (irrationally) angry at you and in his mind he's probably calling you a "whore" or such. Hell hath no fury like a misogynistic man scorned..? (<-- this is just speculation based on stuff I witnessed IRL regarding people I know).

[xviiinfinitum]

i thought it's common knowledge you don't use sex to get love. LOL, and that's usually a lesson for girls b/c guys see sex as just sex. maybe this guy's overly sensitive.

i don't really know what i want, except i'm scared AF of even approaching him for he'll shut me down, his hostility is similar to someone that's your mortal enemy. i think i'll let him be, it's been months and he hasn't even bothered.
i think we can all agree that his maturity is not quite there, if there at all. whatever the case, i feel he didn't handle the situation right.

but Wakeup, that is literally the exact same question i'm asking. what was worth 3 years of great and close friendship that made him become so hostile towards me? lol or was the sex all he wanted?

[pcmaster]

Thats evil - wanting to be friends with someone who wants more. You are selfish. Maybe guy is hurt by the fact that he never really got thru your defense, that sex wasn't enough to make you his.
Or maybe he just got this awkward feeling after sex like when you sleep with someone just for pleasure and afterwards don't find person interesting anymore. Whatever it is you had fun(sex) and now paying for it. Better let him go, stalking wont do anything, if he comes to you good. Best you can do is just leave the door open and look for other friends meanwhile.

[smackie9]

That's what I said.....let him come to you because after you have reached out to him, he knows your door is open if he decides to contact you again. Maybe somewhere along the line he will reveal what happened to someone, and they will relay the message to you.

[searock]

i thought it's common knowledge you don't use sex to get love. LOL, and that's usually a lesson for girls b/c guys see sex as just sex. maybe this guy's overly sensitive.

Or maybe you should stop believing in stupid gender stereotypes. While it is true that some people attach no emotions to sex, this is not the case. You were friends for 3 years with this guy, so clearly the sex meant something to him or else he wouldn't have shut you off like he has. He is angry at you because you don't feel the same way about him as he does about you... not even after sleeping with him. He's probably thinking "What a b*tch, what a wh*re, she slept with me even though she never loved me, I hate her!". So if you don't want to date him (which I don't think you do), just stop trying to contact him and move on with your life. Next time, don't make friends with a guy that is attracted to you (or a guy that you are attracted to). Learn how to recognize when a guy is attracted to you - it's not that hard.

[IndiReloaded]

Seems to me you still don't have feelings for him (your last paragraph), so this is just an ego-thing for you. You want to believe he has feelings for you and that you didn't spread your legs 'for nothing'.

If he did have feelings, he doesn't now. He told you he is interested in someone else. I'd be avoiding you too, if I were him.

It sounds like you had a nice, romantic night with good sex. Stop psyching yourself trying to make it more than what it was. Get over yourself already. Geeze.

[Valen]

You should txt him "I'm pregnant. We need to talk." That will get his attention and you can ask him why he is acting like a prick.