Slept With Good Guy Friend. . .Just Want Some Opinions

[xviiinfinitum]

I apologize this might be a little bit long, but thanks so much for reading this even guys. i really appreciate it.

basically i've known him since first year uni, we're great friends, just we click really well and always have a great laugh. purely platonic though. New Year's Eve we agreed i would just go to his place (out of the city) and chill for once, his mom was home and i NEVER for a second thought something would happen, i've known him for about 3 years now. we got really close last few months of 2013, he was there for me through alot of bad stuff, i've cried to him and we can talk all day. like it was just a good fun friendship. never thought anything would happen with us.

night of New Year's Eve, his mom cooked for us and we had beer and wine and played video games, in retrospect he was sort of making a move on me because he kept letting me or making me lean against him and tried to cuddle with me, anyways, out of nowhere he kissed me. and i pulled back freaking out saying "omg we can't do this we're good friends". but i gave in eventually and we just kissed. he KNOWS i like someone else and he was even rooting for me and the other guy, he told me after the kiss "i'm a simple guy, i don't want a relationship" (he just got out of one). we went to the bar, he kissed me at midnight, i got completely wasted. he took me back to his place and carried me bridal style to my bed, laid beside me & waited til i sobered up because he said he wasn't gonna take advantage of me. we just cuddled and talked before we finally slept together, sex was great.

after that things went south, he got awkward next morning. we barely messaged, it's like we did a complete 180 from where we were. i thought he didn't care anymore til word got to him somehow and he called me, FLIPPING OUT, i've never seen him mad in the years i've known him. and he wanted ot make sure things were fixed with me before he left for two weeks. when i asked "was the sex one time?" because we both said we should do it again, he said "i don't know, i mean, there's a girl in my class i really like" when class just started literally the day before. so i knew more likely than not this was a lie because i knew he didn't want a relationship, i just know when he's lying. i feel like he only said that to make sure I don't like him when he knows plainly i'm into this other guy. right after sleeping together he got all weird and was like "can you leave me alone" like he was acting so out of character, it just threw me off.

long story short, we just stopped talking, i've tried to reach out to him twice to no responses. he literally just shut me out of his life. things did not get better after that call, he got so overly sensitive about everything. we haven't talked for months (stopped in end of January) til i saw him again in my summer school class by complete chance this month. i was so thrown off b/c while i never really got over what happened, i miss him as a friend ALOT, i accepted it. and seeing him again rattled me alot. but it's so weird 'cause he makes such a point of ignoring me, literally running out of class soon as it ends, bag half open laptop in hand and jacket half undone. i know him enough to know when he's trying really hard to ignore me. just sitting there and staring straight ahead.

i don't have romantic feelings for him, but we had a great friendship and we were SO close, it was just all great and stuff. it's kinda hard to believe he'd be friends with me for three years, date another girl, all that only to sleep with me for one night. some of my friends said it's just 'cause he likes me and he knows i like someone else, so he shut me out for himself to move on. but even that doesn't seem to make sense. i thought for a long time it's 'cause he thinks i like him. which makes no sense either since he knows i'm into another guy. so i don't know what happened here.

any insights ? if you read this far, thank you so so so much.

[Wakeup]

My thoughts are the he doesn't want anything else to do with you for whatever reason is in his own head. Maybe he sees you with less value now that he knows you'll have non-committed sex with him when you like someone else? Maybe its anyone of the guesses you're going to get here but the bottom line is he's avoiding you so you should just take that hint and avoid him back.

Motto of this story Friends aren't there to fk. You wouldn't fk your female friends so why do that with your male ones? If they (they being your "friends")come onto you then you best find out what their intentions are afterward and if he's going to get freaking weird if you go through with what you're about to do.

So: My question repeated: You wouldn't do your female friends (assuming of course) so why would you do your male ones?

*and yet another story about the blurred lines that having an opposite sex friend creates. So: If you really, really like him as your friend then don't cross lines or at least discuss the lines you're about to cross.*

Let him ignore and get on with your life without him in it. He obviously can't just be a sex-free friend and he doesn't want you for more then that. Sorry.

[smackie9]

Sex changes everything, and his expectations after that night were shattered. He thought it would be this great romantic beginning, you expressing your love for him yaddayiddyadda. He's been holding it in for 3 years. No guy gives that much of himself for 3 years to someone if it wasn't romantically motivated. He threw liking a girl in his class comment to hide his hurt and disappointment.....tried to act like it didn't bother him. I think your friends are spot on, he is shutting you out to get over you. He is feeling very foolish right now and needs time to lick his wounds.

But just like wakeup mentioned, it's anyone's guess as to why he is acting all douchey.

[xviiinfinitum]

i think looking back...yeah he did like me, but i was way too sidetracked with the other guy i liked who was giving me all the signs of him liking me back.

kinda sucks, i wish i could just approach him in class and be like "dude what happened?" but...he's so hostile towards me it's hard to bear. i guess the question now is do i just let this go ?

i truly, honestly with all of my heart believed i would NEVER see him again, we're both in the same program but different majors and he's elusive as it was; living in a different city and all. but seeing him now, in the most random class and i know he said he wasn't gonna even take summer classes, it feels like a sign...lol sound stupid i know. my friends were all joking when i told them that it's a sign him and i should make up.

my pitfall is i really value my close friends and this guy was one of them, as a side opinion, if you guys were in my shoes would you approach him or just let it be ? i know this isn't something easy to give advice on but i just wanna know if you were in this position, what would you do personally? i know he treated me really badly after and was a big douche. and he's so hostile it's almost scary but. . . seeing him makes me miss him alot.

[smackie9]

Set your emotions aside, and ask yourself if this was anyone else and they treated you that way, what would you do? You would avoid them right? It's up to him to make the first move to makeup. He still needs time to sort his feelings out before he can determine if he still values a friendship with you or not. You already tried reaching out to him, so he knows you are open to talk about it, but right now he's not.

[Wakeup]

Sex changes everything, and his expectations after that night were shattered. He thought it would be this great romantic beginning, you expressing your love for him yaddayiddyadda. He's been holding it in for 3 years. No guy gives that much of himself for 3 years to someone if it wasn't romantically motivated. He threw liking a girl in his class comment to hide his hurt and disappointment.....tried to act like it didn't bother him. I think your friends are spot on, he is shutting you out to get over you. He is feeling very foolish right now and needs time to lick his wounds.

But just like wakeup mentioned, it's anyone's guess as to why he is acting all douchey.

I'd agree with you smackie if he hadn't said this:

he told me after the kiss "i'm a simple guy, i don't want a relationship"

No guy that wanted her as a romantic girlfriend would have said that.

Set your emotions aside, and ask yourself if this was anyone else and they treated you that way, what would you do? You would avoid them right? It's up to him to make the first move to makeup. He still needs time to sort his feelings out before he can determine if he still values a friendship with you or not. You already tried reaching out to him, so he knows you are open to talk about it, but right now he's not.

I agree. Leave him alone and in your mind tell yourself what a tard he is.

[smackie9]

I think he said that because he didn't want to show how vulnerable he actually was. Didn't want to be one of those friend zoned shleps.

[Wakeup]

He ****ed her... it was already beyond "friend zoned." As I argued with Searock for 8 pages... once you're friend zoned, there will be no schtupping to be had. lolzzz


Anyway, it's all speculation and one thing is for sure. This dude is a twit if he's being such a woose unless op is leaving out something she said that totally turned him off for good????

Here's another speculation. Maybe he actually has a girlfriend that doesn't take kindly to her man still being friends with someone he's screwed. lolzzz

[smackie9]

This generation looks at sex as sex...not always linked to relationships or love.

Anyways maybe he will come around and clear the air and she can let us know the verdict.

[Wakeup]

This generation looks at sex as sex...not always linked to relationships or love.

Yes but that doesn't negate the friend zone. And I don't believe most of them just see it as sex. If they did we wouldn't see all these types of threads. Nothing has changes. There are some that can screw away without care and there are those that cannot. It's been like that since the first guy dragged his mate into a cave by the hair. This opposite sex "friendship" is what has changed. The lines were blurred when they started letting the girls play with the boys in the same recess yard.

Anyways maybe he will come around and clear the air and she can let us know the verdict.

Maybe... if she can catch him as he's running away. Coward!

[xviiinfinitum]

LOL you guys are both pretty funny.

but that aside, i do really really appreciate the insight. so thank you so much for that.

i mean, LOL, i know he didn't have a girlfriend prior to this happening and this happened in between two semesters, so the worst case scenario is he wasn't lying about liking a girl and now is dating her. which is possible, but unlikely considering before we had the fallout i know he didn't want a relationship, for like a year or so at least. i mean we were super close so i knew what was happening in his life. he's like one of those guys that has one then is single for ages. that and i think his ex is his first relationship to begin with.

i doubt he used sex to get me to like him, i mean, i liked someone else he knew that plain and simple. he wanted to meet this guy too (didn't happen though) that night 'cause we went out.

one thing i didn't say, which i doubt is a big deal is he told me "not being rude but can you leave me alone? i'm dealing with something right now." i was so thrown off b/c what can happen in the 24 hours that we slept together and i went home ? i just knew enough to know it wasn't his family or his friends, so i got really mad cuz i was hurt, i thought it was me so i was like "well you know what, you initiated what happened and it shouldn't have happened." then i ignored his reply and deleted it before reading it so i don't know what he said. then for a week or so we didn't talk. after that was when he flipped his shit on me calling me b/c word got to him that he thought i didn't care.

this was the only thing i left out. everything else i had said.

i know it takes two to tango, but he kissed me first he kept kissing me and i kept resisting at first. he initiated it, so if he couldn't handle it i don't know why he would even do it. he's older than me by a year and a half (clearly not maturity wise though) so i figured he must've known what he was doing. he knew that i was okay with it.

i think we can all agree on one thing LOL: that this is a hell of a weird situation to have been in.

[smackie9]

Anyone who is over whelmed with strong emotions don't see what they are in for.....in fact they are blinded by their desire....do you not feel that this was set up? I bet he had this all planned (that night I mean). Him getting intensely emotional hearing you didn't care.....that's a guy that got his heart broken.

[searock]

I think your friends are right. He is detaching himself from you because he has feelings for you and he knows that you don't reciprocate. He secretly hoped that having that night together with you would have made you magically change your mind about him, but when that didn't happen, he had no choice but to cut you out of his life completely. Basically, he needs to cut you off in order to move on.

Next time, don't get so close to a guy that isn't your boyfriend. Having guy friends is one thing, having guy best friends is quite another. Your guy best friend should be your boyfriend, no one else.

[Wakeup]

Okay, lets go with that ^^^^: Maybe that email you didn't read was asking you to be his wife but since you didn't answer it, he's thinking you're one cold beotch and he's feeling like one embarrassed girlfriend with dangly bits.?

[xviiinfinitum]

so you think he did like me?

lol his heart broken ? i remember sending him this long text about how much it hurts that i lost him as a friend 'cause the dynamics were totally changed and things went south. i was like "it hurts to lose you" which i meant every word 'cause he had been there for me through so much crap, i wouldn't even know what i would've done without him.

i just...really really wanna reach out to him, even though i know it might make me seem crazy or annoying (typical girl eh), i just feel like seeing him again after all this time has to be a sign LOL. it's too big of a coincidence.

BTW, thank you for taking the time to help me with this situation. i really really appreciate it.