His parents do not like me

[tamy123]

Hi there,

So me and my bf had been dating for 4 years. We started dating in grade 10. Then in grade 11, I came to another country to study. Then, a year later, my bf also came to the same country, however, he lived 2 hours away from me. I am living with my aunt and uncle family so it was not easy to see him frequently. So technically, we had been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Then a year later, thing just got really quiet. I didn't laugh at his jokes anymore, I stop talking to him about anything. It was really dull. Then, one night, me and my best male friend went out for a drink and we started talking. He said that he had a crush on me and wish I didn't have a bf at that time. At that time, I just wanted to escape out of that quiet relationship that I was having with my bf. So Ive decided to break up with him and be with my friend. I know it was stupid of me .... It happened that me and my friend were not really a fit, we had different life style. We decided to break up. Meanwhile, I started realizing that I really love my ex bf. After half a year, we got back together again. His parents now know that we got back together and they didn't like it. I know I was acting really fast without thinking but I really want to fix this. I don't know what to do. I don't want my bf to argue with his parents or cause him any stress about this. Im not sure if we should break up or not ...

Any advice would be appreciated ... and sorry for the long post

[Wakeup]

Hi there,

So me and my bf had been dating for 4 years. We started dating in grade 10. Then in grade 11, I came to another country to study. Then, a year later, my bf also came to the same country, however, he lived 2 hours away from me. I am living with my aunt and uncle family so it was not easy to see him frequently. So technically, we had been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Then a year later, thing just got really quiet. I didn't laugh at his jokes anymore, I stop talking to him about anything. It was really dull. Then, one night, me and my best male friend went out for a drink and we started talking. He said that he had a crush on me and wish I didn't have a bf at that time. At that time, I just wanted to escape out of that quiet relationship that I was having with my bf. So Ive decided to break up with him and be with my friend. I know it was stupid of me .... It happened that me and my friend were not really a fit, we had different life style. We decided to break up. Meanwhile, I started realizing that I really love my ex bf. After half a year, we got back together again. His parents now know that we got back together and they didn't like it. I know I was acting really fast without thinking but I really want to fix this. I don't know what to do. I don't want my bf to argue with his parents or cause him any stress about this. Im not sure if we should break up or not ...

Any advice would be appreciated ... and sorry for the long post

You already stressed him out once by leaving him for your bloody friend. Now you're wondering if you should leave him so he's not stressed?

Put your bf on, I'd like to have a nice motherly chat with him.

[woody]

Hey Tamy,

It is not uncommon for parents to have natural concerns when their teenage son or daughter has a longish (for that age) term relationship. You and he are both very young and though you may not realize it at the time, there is much to see and learn out there in the big wide World. I would imagine their feeling protective over their son and while sure they know you, you've been with their son in the past, you also dumped him and then drew him back. I would imagine they may have even been relieved that he was single again so he could focus on building a future, not possibly getting someone pregnant at the ripe ol age of 19...

Any parent would be concerned especially when their child is at such an impressionable age. Imagine they would rather see him concentrating on things like Schooling, his future and his health.

I would say, there is much for you to experience and need not be rushing into the serious long term relationship quite yet. Gain some more years; go out and have some fun, safe fun.

Parents will always be protective of their babies; it's their job. Just as your Aunt and Uncle are protective of you.

good luck lady

[Wakeup]

Woody is being very kind to you, op. I'll clarify: Parents specially want to protect their son from women that dump their offspring for someone else and then discover that he's too weak to tell her to go *** herself when she comes back cause it didn't work out. You're one giant red flag to them at least if not to their silly son.

[tamy123]

Hi,

I really appreciate both of your comments and advice. I know that I was really stupid when I broke up with him. I am not perfect, I made mistake and I realized that that was one of the biggest mistake of my life so far. We started dating when we were in grade 10, I thought that we actually clicked at that time but as time goes by, along with the long distance, I started to realize that we were two different people. I was really lonely at that time (before I broke up with him) cause I can barely share any thing with him. But after a year breaking up, I realized that even though we are not the same, I want to be with him.
Also, I understand where the parents come from. I just hope that they understand my point of view as well and give me a second chance.
To wakeup: I know that it sounds silly to you but I know I was a b*tch at that time and I want to fix this. Yet I don't know how to fix it. I don't really want to break up with him, I want to fight and try to make his parents will accept me but I am half around the world from them so I cant talk with them. If breaking up means he can be free from all this mess that I made, it will be hurtful for me as well but I would accept it...

[Wakeup]

I'm confused: Are you two in a long distance relationship at the moment or is he with you and being "stressed out" because his parents back home are not happy with you and he being back together?

Is he telling you he's stressed out because they don't like you or are they telling you in person that they don't like the fact that he has taken you back?

You're asking how to "fix" the fact that they disapprove so can you give a little further information on your relationship the stress within.

[snckrs]

I would just like to note something here. First off, I have no advice for you. But insight to what a mother is like when a woman has "wronged" her "baby boy". I can not mention my ex girlfriends name without my mother flying off into a rant about how much she dislikes her. That being said, if two people are meant to be together nothing that their parent will do will stop them. Your guy is now in a very stressful situation. He is now caught between you and his parents. If you dump him again, you hurt him again. You stay you cause issues between him and his parents. Tred carefully tamy123, tred very lightly. Cause the person who will get hurt the most is your guy. Not you. Not his parents. Him

[tamy123]

To Wakeup: Well right now he is currently in our home country for visiting and will fly to the States for work for one year in June; meanwhile. I am and will stay in NZ.
His parents told him that they did not like it when they knew we got back together and I think that is stressing him out
I dont know if I should stay and fight for our relationship or just leave him so that there would be no more stress for him. Me, personally, I want to fight\

To snckrs: Thanks for your reply. As I have mentioned to Wakeup above, I dont want to dump him, I want to fight for us but I dont know if that is just going to make the situation worse. I want him to know that there are plenty of other fishes in the sea and I dont want him to be caught between me and his parents just because of my mistake. If the fact that I walk away make the situation better for him, I would.