When Should A Couple Have Sex First?????????

[basilandthyme]

I do agree with you. You worded it much better then I did. The reason I even brought this up is the number of posts Ive seen on here concerning sex in a relationship. Mostly with women having sex with a guy within a month of dating and then the guy leaves. Why I said three months is for young women to make sure the guy they are with is with them for themselves and not sex. When I think about this, I think what I would tell my daughters (if I had any). That if your going to have sex before marriage, then make sure the guy is commeted to you before you have sex with him. Make sure he wont use you. Thats why I say three months, cause most guys wont wait three months to just have sex and use a woman.

Of the posts you mention (I've seen them too), what strikes me is not the fact they had sex, but the fact that they can't have a basic conversation. You can open your legs for a guy but you can't discuss a what type of relationship it is? WTF is wrong with these women?

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Why the emphasis on sex? When should a couple:

- discuss life goals
- discuss views on money
- talk about family
- compare morals and views on faith

We are still struggling with sex being a 'taboo' subject. I'm not saying sex isn't important, but I think too many young people put far too much emphasis on it. Consider - how much of your waking hours are spent doing things other than sex and what are those things?

Why does it have to be one or the other? My partner and I managed to shag each other to bits in between discussing those things you mentioned above and generally getting to know each other. Had we been incompatible, we would have gone our separate ways with some rather terrific dirty memories. But we were compatible and the fact that we had first day sex didn't change that.

[javrocker9]

I dont believe there is a set time. It is whenever you feel truly comfortable with that person.

[snckrs]

Okay, but it seems like these young woman are shocked, when they dont define the relastionship, have sex and the guy leaves. Then they dont know what went wrong. Or when a young woman sleeps with a guy on a first date and then the guy wont answer her txts or calls. Now Basiel, you are an exception to what normally happens. lets say out of 100 first dates where sex is had on, Id say 2 out of the 100 get married. Most of the relastionships dont last. Lets say half end after a month or so, and the other half end when the sex is over. The point that I was trying to make, especially to teen girls, and young women that are looking for a meaningful relationship, make the guy wait about 3 months before you have sex with him. That way the players and useres will have left by then. Now if you just want to have sex then buy all means go out and hump away, but make sure that all parties involved know that sex is the only thing desired.

Also, if you are a woman (high school, college or work place romances) looking for a meaningful relationship, I wouldnt go out and have sex with the guy on the first or 3rd date. Cause much like women, us guys talk too. And you dont want to get branded as easy lay. Cause while you will be looking for a great guy and a meaningful relationship, the guys that will come a calling for you wont be in it for a relationship, but for the sex.

Okay so do you all now understand why I suggest to wait to have sex?

[basilandthyme]

Yep, I fully understand....You want to spare women the judgement that you and your kind will lay on them. Perhaps you've got a heap of hypocritical mates and this is why you see this as a regular guy thing...and yes, I know that men like that exist. But let me assure you that a good man will not judge a woman for doing as he does. And there are plenty of good men in the world.

In my experience and from observing my friends, men who do this are actually far less in number than you would imagine. And again, from looking at my friends, some of the longest marriages I know have come from quick passion.

[snckrs]

Just to be clear, im not judging. But I know alot of guys that do. Most of them arnt my friends. Im glad the relationships you've seen have worked. Maybe its different in Australia. Here where I live, the asshole out number the good guys.

[IndiReloaded]

Why does it have to be one or the other?

I don't think that's what my post said, BT. I agree, you can do both. I also think, as I posted, that waiting too long can cause its own issues.

My ex and I waited 6 months before doing the deed. My fiance and I were getting jiggy within a month and yes, we were discussing everything else important. But neither of us had any hangups about sex, either, it just felt right.

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And again, from looking at my friends, some of the longest marriages I know have come from quick passion.

:raises hand:

The only truly unattractive thing is not knowing what you want. In my experience, men respect women who aren't coerced into sex, but rather, know their own mind and what they want. It goes both ways, but too many women are still not taught to be assertive about what they want and need.

[basilandthyme]

[QUOTE=IndiReloaded;984052]I don't think that's what my post said, BT. I agree, you can do both. I also think, as I posted, that waiting too long can cause its own issues.

My ex and I waited 6 months before doing the deed. My fiance and I were getting jiggy within a month and yes, we were discussing everything else important. But neither of us had any hangups about sex, either, it just felt right.[QUOTE]

Sorry, must have misunderstood

:raises hand:

The only truly unattractive thing is not knowing what you want. In my experience, men respect women who aren't coerced into sex, but rather, know their own mind and what they want. It goes both ways, but too many women are still not taught to be assertive about what they want and need.

I don't think any man has ever been in doubt over what I want or think

[basilandthyme]

Have you heard the theory that a girl should make him wait so he will respect her? It doesn't make sense to me. If he's the kind of guy who will happily sleep with her but judge her for participating, why would she want his respect....let alone date him?

[michelle23]

I've always followed my instincts. I dated a lot of guys who never got past a kiss. Some I didnt trust-some I just wasnt into. Then I met my bf, we clicked and slept together within two weeks. Were still together 6years later.

Sometimes it just feels right and in my case I was just lucky that we are compatible coz it can take a year or two to figure out if we are.

I think the problem OP is referring to is drunken sex or people who have been "friends" for awhile crossing that line and one of them getting hurt.. I think when two people meet and their intentions are clear that they are "dating" its not an issue but when you hope for more than friendship and the other isnt interested-that is when we see all these upsetting posts.

The whole FWB thing is BS to me and I think people should stop trying to get someone to fall for them by opening their legs coz it doesnt work that way

[Exeter19]

everyone has different feelings on when it is right to have sex, no one is exactly the same on it. for me after a few dates is alright if they aren't ready then longer. it isn't a big deal to me but worse thing you can do is push someone who isn't ready yet.

[snckrs]

Have you heard the theory that a girl should make him wait so he will respect her? It doesn't make sense to me. If he's the kind of guy who will happily sleep with her but judge her for participating, why would she want his respect....let alone date him?

The point of that is to weed out the guys that just want to sleep with her and then leave. Because the guy that truely cares about her and respects her will not mind waiting to have sex.

[Boisdevie]

The point of that is to weed out the guys that just want to sleep with her and then leave. Because the guy that truely cares about her and respects her will not mind waiting to have sex.

Or the guy will get bored and leave as he thinks she's either not into him or she's frigid or she's playing some kind of juvenile game to test him?

[snckrs]

Or the guy will get bored and leave as he thinks she's either not into him or she's frigid or she's playing some kind of juvenile game to test him?

So the woman would have to have sex with the guy in order to prove she is interested in him? I would think the fact that they continue to have dates and spend time together would show that there is interest there. There are other ways to show interest. And asking a guy to wait isnt a juvenile game to test a guy. If a guy is truely interested in a woman, he wont mind waiting for sex. If the guy does mind and doesnt want to wait, she is better off finding a guy who will respect her choice to wait.

[Wakeup]

Women can't afford to exercise their sexuality uninhibited. The odd that a one nighter will transition into something else are not in anyone's favor. Besides, I think its rather nice to be laying with someone I've discovered I at least like as a person.

Good men will wait until you're feeling safe that they at least respect you as a person and aren't just out to bust a nut in a chick who exercises her sexuality uninhibited.

Why is being discerning so undervalued I wonder?

[basilandthyme]

So the woman would have to have sex with the guy in order to prove she is interested in him?

No, you have sex because it's fun and you want to have sex. Frankly, I wouldn't wait 3 months for a man either.....I'd think he was far too uptight for me.