Shotguns & Infatuation

[james fournier]

There's this girl I've been seeing regularly for a while, and I'm at the point now where I really want to make her my girlfriend. The other weekend I had a nice night planned for us (dinner and movie sorta thing) but when she asked her parents if she could go, they were shocked at the idea of her dating and got all over-protective. Now I'm not allowed to see her at all outside of school until I have dinner with her parents at their house on a date that is yet to be determined.

The problem is that she occupies almost my every waking thought. This is painful for me that I have to wait until a date is decided upon that I can meet her family to get approval to date their daughter. And I know this isn't as painful for her and I'm trying to hide my impatience but I'm doing a crappy job at it.

Her dad's a farmer so much of this rests on whether or not he likes me. I imagine him pointing a shotgun at me as I walk up to their doorstep. I don't know if that's realistic or if I'm just paranoid.

I'm gonna kinda split off into 2 questions here:

For anyone who is or has dated a farmers daughter, any advice for first impressions and etiquette or whatever?

Considering she isn't feeling as strongly as I do on the matter... is this just infatuation... not the real thing?

[smackie9]

Hah I bet money on it there will never be a date set. It's his way to control the situation. I have to ask, you old are you two?

[james fournier]

Hah I bet money on it there will never be a date set. It's his way to control the situation. I have to ask, you old are you two?

17 years old as in just about to get my license, and she's the same age. I think I see what you're getting at by "his way to control the situation" but would you care to elaborate a little more?

[smackie9]

Control meaning preventing her from dating anyone, he is changing the rules, added new restrictions.

- - - Updated - - -

Anyways once she turns 18, he can't do f uck all because she is no longer a minor and can do whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't lives under their roof anymore.

[james fournier]

Well damn, you'd think he wouldn't be that crazy.
So let's assume that is what's going on. Any advice on how I could handle that, if possible?

[smackie9]

imo you are fighting a losing battle. He has tighten down on any freedom she had before....having this dinner isn't going to change anything. You probably won't be able to spend time with her outside of school without them chaperoning you two.

- - - Updated - - -

Well damn, you'd think he wouldn't be that crazy.

My father in law was soooo like that with my sister in law. I felt sorry for her. She wasn't allowed out after school when he read her diary that she played basketball with a guy she liked. F uck was I pissed about that. He definitly was very controlling.

My friend in high school went through the same thing. She had to be home after school too, and wasn't allowed to have boys phone her or anything. Blew my mind because I had BFs since I was 13.

It's going to be a up hill battle for you.

[james fournier]

Not to start an argument or anything, but maybe they just don't know who I am and they're just want to get to know the guy their daughter's dating?

[smackie9]

Tip: if you push and make her break the rules, you will make her situation at home real bad. Don't be responsible for that or she will end up resenting you.

- - - Updated - - -

Not to start an argument or anything, but maybe they just don't know who I am and they're just want to get to know the guy their daughter's dating?

Dude they are telling her she can't even socialize with you outside of school and things won't be determined until you have dinner with them at some date that hasn't been decided on yet.

If it were normal parents they would just say "We would like to meet him when he comes by to pick you up for your date".

[james fournier]

My father in law was soooo like that with my sister in law. I felt sorry for her. She wasn't allowed out after school when he read her diary that she played basketball with a guy she liked. F uck was I pissed about that. He definitly was very controlling.

My friend in high school went through the same thing. She had to be home after school too, and wasn't allowed to have boys phone her or anything. Blew my mind because I had BFs since I was 13

F uck... point taken.

- - - Updated - - -

So heres the plan: I figure I'll give it a week to see if this Dinner actually happens. If not, move on?

[smackie9]

If she is worth it, be on your best behavior, clean button shirt like you are going to court, and say please, thank you, yes sir no sir......

- - - Updated - - -

Ya well see what she says about it first.....might be her making up excuses to not go out with you.

[Pinta77]

I mean maybe they really do just want to meet you. 17 is pretty old.. they shouldn't be that strict. I say yeah give the dinner a shot.

Is it just infatuation? I say yes, for now. Unless you know her really really well and you talk a lot. But if it is just infatuation, it could turn into more than that.

[james fournier]

Pinta77, I'd say you are pretty on the mark there.

An update: I'm still with her and things are going great. I still haven't met her parents because it's "Planting Season" (again, they're farmers) so apparently it's just too busy of a time right now. I'm getting impatient but at the same time this girl means a lot to me so I guess I'll wait it out. Turns out she's actually pretty crazy about me too.

[snckrs]

Okay James, I grew up in the country, so here are some words of advice.
1.Make sure you use proper manners. For most country people it is very very important. Not saying you dont have good manners, cause reading your posts you sound like a smart, bright, proper mannered guy. Thats going to work in your favor. When having dinner, pull out your girls chair for her. That is normally impressive to parents cause most young guys dont do that. When someone gets up to leave the table, stand up till they leave the table. Open doors, and all that good jazz
2. Read up a little on farming. Might not come up but if you know the basics it will help if it comes up.
3. The father isnt the most important person to impress in most cases (most, but not all). Its her mother. Dont act like a suck up, but be smart. Comment something about her. Especially her cooking! I dont care if it tastes like cow sh!t coverd with flys.
4. Be on time
5. A gun will be in that house somewhere (most country farm people). It will probably be in sight. Her father will try to intimidate you. You shy back, you will be viewed as weak and not able to take care of his daughter. You appear to cocky you will be viewed as arrogante and no good for his daughter. Toe the line between the two. Be firm but not cocky. Also firm handshake.

There will be people on here that disagree with me, but in 90% of the cases this will work.

[smackie9]

hey I'm totally on board with the firm handshake. I hate it when I get to limp hand. I always reach in there for the big squeeze, let them know I have confidence and I want them to remember me.

[michelle23]

Lol if my dad was like this I prob would have ran away at 16.. crazy people

My bfs brother is with a farmers daughter. When they were living together she lied and said shes living with a girl friend. She went home for dinner 3times a week without him and sometimes slept at her parents house. Now shes travelling around Oz with him and again told her parents its with a girl friend..

I couldnt live like that. No way.. my family LOVE my bf. When I work nights they invite him to dinner or he helps my dad with his car or the garden etc. They just invited him on a stag and treat him like part of the family.