marriage is falling a part

[HeartIsAching]

I think the issue is that she doesn't seem interested in working things out.

[chinagirl]

If that's the case, therapy is pointless...

[Wakeup]

He has the US flag. He is NOT responsible paying for child support being the step father specially if the biological father is involved with the children.

DID you read the link?

Only under very rare condition when a court MAY ( key word being MAY) enforce child support payment from a step parent but even the step parent can contest that by hiring a good attorney.

Yes "may" is the key word. It's not definite that he won't have to pay. WE didn't/don't know all the details of their situation so that's why I questioned it. He shouldn't listen to a forum board of people who don't know his entire situation. A lawyer is where he should rely on "he won't have to pay" statements. IMO.

A mother cannot collect two child supports ( from the biological father and the stepfather).

How do you know the bio father is paying support?

They may consider the step fathers income as part of the household income when calculating how much the biological father's responsibility in terms of child support payment.

Makes sense but what if he's not paying anything and the Op has been financially supporting them for the last two years?

And my BF who is a litigation lawyer says that unless he legally adopted the kids, he is NOT responsible for child support for the stepchildren.

Cool but if he doesn't know what or how the financial situation has been ongoing then how can he say that the three stipulations as in that link won't apply?

It's more then possible that he won't have to pay but it's also possible that he will have to and If she's going to be a cow about it then she could take him to court (because lawyers like to do that) and fight to have them looked after financially by him (if the criteria meets).

I'm just questioning because I just don't think absolute statements that he won't have to pay apply unless we know all the details.

Two years isn't a very long time. How long did you date her before you moved in with her and her 5, Op?

Do you know if she was cheating on you when she was out all night long? What was her excuse for that?

[chinagirl]

Even if the biological father is not paying, the custodial parent who is the mother is working so the absolute support has to come from the mother. The only time when a step parent has to step in is where non of the custodial parents are capable of supporting any of their kids (even that has to be voluntary).

Once the marriage is dissolved between the custodial parent and the step parent, the step parent will no longer have to provide any support ( if he/she does, it's all voluntary and not because it is court ordered).

And as per my BF, in his entire life practicing as a litigation lawyer, he has never heard of any case where Estoppel Doctrine has been enforced. He's brother is also a lawyer who happens to specialize in divorce cases and family law and have never heard of such a thing.

Of course, anything is possible, but in his case, it's highly unlikely.

I'm closing my case because knowing you wake up, you just don't give up and I don't know why you are always attacking my opinion.
And I'm just going to ignore you in any future reference to any of my post ;-)

[Wakeup]

China... I'm not going to counter. The link doesn't agree with what you're saying so all I'm going to suggest to the op is that he seek out a lawyer before he does anything. All he needs is to be surprised with garansheed wages or something after he leaves with his truck.

He needs Family Law Litigator. The law is there... It doesn't just go away because someone hasn't come across it in their practice. Like I said, he probably won't have to pay (depending on their circumstances) but there is provision where he may have to as well. That's all I'm saying.

... And I'm not attacking your post(s). I'm just refuting your absolute statement in this instance. After reading that you call this an "attack" I think I made a mistake, a too early conclusion about you in general though.

Of course, anything is possible, but in his case, it's highly unlikely.

FWIW and in case you missed it... ^^that was the point of my counter.

[chinagirl]

DID you read the link?



It's more then possible that he won't have to pay but it's also possible that he will have to and If she's going to be a cow about it then she could take him to court (because lawyers like to do that) and fight to have them looked after financially by him (if the criteria meets).

I'm just questioning because I just don't think absolute statements that he won't have to pay apply unless we know all the ?

Lawyers will only take a case when there is a financial gain... In OP's situation, there seems to be none unless they make tons of money but he said he can't afford to rent a place and still pay for household bills.

[Wakeup]

Lawyers will only take a case when there is a financial gain...

Well considering that she'd be paying him then there would be a financial gain.

I think you're referring to law suits where the lawyer will sue if he thinks he can win... and where he ends up with a third of the award.

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Sorry Op... I've taken it off topic when all I wanted to do was advise you to get legal council so you'd know your rights and obligations.

[alp82]

Yeah I actually contacted a counselor yesterday and I'm really gonna try hard to make it work. Its just she has so many petty issues with me its crazy. Little things that I do to everyone and didn't think was a big deal. Like coming home and if shes in the phone I'll say hi hun who u talking too? Well apparently she doesn't like me doin that. Just little stuff that I didn't think mattered. She has little things she does as well and I don't think twice about it. Shes just never happy with anything I do. Once a few years back I got laid off and wasn't making much money for about 3 monthes. She always got up set the we were broke but I wasn't tired. I got a good job the one I have now and am making good money now she says I'm always tired and should find a job that wont wear me out. Does that make any sense?

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I live in michigan if we split i will not have to pay child support I did not adopt the kids.

[pcmaster]

Agree that woman dont make any sense. Yo shouldnt allow her to yourself to be doormat. FIND A COMPROMISE. Never stay quiet but tell your opinion aswell. Are you sure she havent cheated? She acts kinda suspicious like her heart is not true anymore like you are not her favorite man anymore. There must be something thats causing it. Wether your confidence or that you rarely speak up for yourself or just let her do whatever she wants. But clearly she lost respect/liking to you.

[chinagirl]

Yeah I actually contacted a counselor yesterday and I'm really gonna try hard to make it work. Its just she has so many petty issues with me its crazy. Little things that I do to everyone and didn't think was a big deal. Like coming home and if shes in the phone I'll say hi hun who u talking too? Well apparently she doesn't like me doin that. Just little stuff that I didn't think mattered. She has little things she does as well and I don't think twice about it. Shes just never happy with anything I do. Once a few years back I got laid off and wasn't making much money for about 3 monthes. She always got up set the we were broke but I wasn't tired. I got a good job the one I have now and am making good money now she says I'm always tired and should find a job that wont wear me out. Does that make any sense?

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I live in michigan if we split i will not have to pay child support I did not adopt the kids.

I applaude your loyalty and patience with your wife. Is your wife willing to go for couples therapy?

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Yeah I actually contacted a counselor yesterday and I'm really gonna try hard to make it work. Its just she has so many petty issues with me its crazy. Little things that I do to everyone and didn't think was a big deal. Like coming home and if shes in the phone I'll say hi hun who u talking too? Well apparently she doesn't like me doin that. Just little stuff that I didn't think mattered. She has little things she does as well and I don't think twice about it. Shes just never happy with anything I do. Once a few years back I got laid off and wasn't making much money for about 3 monthes. She always got up set the we were broke but I wasn't tired. I got a good job the one I have now and am making good money now she says I'm always tired and should find a job that wont wear me out. Does that make any sense?

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I live in michigan if we split i will not have to pay child support I did not adopt the kids.

I applaude your loyalty and patience with your wife. Is your wife willing to go for couples therapy?

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Well considering that she'd be paying him then there would be a financial gain.

I think you're referring to law suits where the lawyer will sue if he thinks he can win... and where he ends up with a third of the award.

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Sorry Op... I've taken it off topic when all I wanted to do was advise you to get legal council so you'd know your rights and obligations.

I was referring to the husband and wife in this case.

No financial gain for a lawyer if the client cannot afford the lawyers fee of $400 to $500/hour to litigate a case that is very unlikely to win. Plus she will need to come up with a retainers fee that may cost her $5,000-$10,000 upfront depending on how far she wants to take the case.

At the end, it may not be worth the expense.

That's all I'm tiring to say here.

[Wakeup]

No financial gain for a lawyer if the client cannot afford the lawyers fee of $400 to $500/hour to litigate a case that is very unlikely to win. Plus she will need to come up with a retainers fee that may cost her $5,000-$10,000 upfront depending on how far she wants to take the case.

At the end, it may not be worth the expense.

That's all I'm tiring to say here.

Thanks for clarifying and now that we know that Op lives in MI where there is no loco parentis doctrine ~ it's all good.

... and yes, your patience is applaud worthy, Op.

[fearoflove]

First thing to do is have regular sex with your wife. The brain is easy to trick into thinking you love that person. Have sex with her and then have a chat to resolve your issues.

[smackie9]

I got a good job the one I have now and am making good money now she says I'm always tired and should find a job that wont wear me out. Does that make any sense?

This happened to a friend of mine. He thought by working 2 jobs, bringing home great money to cover the mortgage for the new house, etc he was doing a great thing....the thing he was doing was neglecting her, she hardly saw him, she got lonely....she cheated on him, and ran off with a tow truck driver.

[alp82]

Yes she's willing too see a counselor with me. We had our date yesterday and it went really good. But it left me more confused she told me she love's me very much and misses me like crazy. She also said I'm the only one she could want, but yet doesn't want me to come home yet she even looked like she wanted me to stay. I don't understand any of this its confusing and frustrating. I almost think I might have to tell her I'm either coming home or getting my own place. I don't wanna live where I've been staying anymore

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I'm far from neglecting her. If anything i give her to much attention

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I'm far from neglecting her. If anything i give her to much attention

[smackie9]

How can you give her attention when you are working 60 hours a week, cooking the meals, etc. She wants to be a couple again, to go out on dates, do things outside your comfort zone, try new things, share a passion.

You both just got too caught up in your lives with responsibilities, that you stopped being a romantic couple.

Now she is finding this space is removing some of the stress of the relationship. She may find it is refreshing things between you. I say don't push, just be patient.