Masturbating when your partner's in the room, weird or not??

[allie29]

My boyfriend has a thing about masturbating, and I know you're all thinking 'and?' but when I say he has a thing for it I mean he has no shame in doing it in front of me. He's easily aroused and often seems to choose rubbing one out if I'm not in the mood or sometimes doesn't even try anything with me, just goes ahead and starts pleasuring himself. Also, it's almost a daily ritual in the morning that as soon as I'm up getting ready for work he'll start on himself and I'll walk in and he acts like nothings wrong.

The thing you need to know is, I'm fully turned on by him and we often do have sex plus I'm regularly giving him head so it's not like he's lacking in the 'I'm not getting any department'. There's times when he won't try anything on or I'll try before we go to bed and he get's aroused but tells me he really wants to watch the program he's watching and then we get to bed really late, I'm exhausted and over waiting for him to join me. He then gets annoyed that I'm upset because i wanted to do stuff but I'm now too tired and I end up being the bad guy.

Is it just me over-reacting here? Am I just being jealous that I'm not the one giving him the pleasure? I'm not stupid, everyone does this stuff, but it's usually while your partner's out of the house not while she's trying to get ready for work.

I told him it's weird and it upsets me but still it happens. He said he gets horny every morning and needs to deal with it. I've tried ignoring it and I've tried helping him while he's at it but it still feels weird. If I get aroused and give the same thing a try, he tries to help me out he always ends up having sex with me which doesn't bother me, I'd rather be with him than use my handy work plus its off putting having your other half lying there while you do your thing..

What do you guys think? I'm going insane with this! Please help

[searock]

To each their own, I mean there surely are couples who are ok with this type of arrangement. You, however, aren't happy with it, which is also legitimate. You should tell him that what he does makes you feel uncomfortable, and if he could please wait until you are not around (i.e. not in the house, or deeply asleep, or he can do it privately in the bathroom or something) to masturbate.

Personally, yes, I find it weird. It would be different if the masturbating was part of a sex game between you two, but what actually happens is that he just acts as if you weren't even there, every single day... so yeah, it's definitely weird IMO. My opinion doesn't matter though, what matters is yours.

[somehelp4me]

Is this a new relationship or you just started living together?
Sounds like he lived alone and got into a routine and is comfortable with his routine regardless of you being there or not.

[nico88]

I kinda agree with somehelp4me. It sounds like the relationship between you two is fresh and he just hasn't broken that habit of getting off by himself or it could be he's one of those guys I read this article about who have just done it so much through their whole life that sex is just like mediocre compared to their hand. Which stuns the **** outta me.

But anyways I'd definitely tell him and his hand to get a room. Because I could imagine that being awkward for you. I mean it's different if you guys are about to get it on but if he's doing it in stead of you...yeah idk man. Weird shit.

[smackie9]

If he won't change and IMO it would be a deal breaker if it were me, then you may consider calling it quits. It just proves, even with communication, he isn't being sensitive, or respectful to you. Your relationship is doomed.

[Wakeup]

Since you've spoken to him about it already and he's not attempted to at least wait till you're out of the room, have you tried a bucket of cold water thrown over him? Why is he lazing in bed while you get ready for work? Does he masturbate and sell his sperm for a living?

WTF?

[smackie9]

I see this as a behavioral issue. It's like exhibitionism. http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/exhibitionism IMO he should seek help.

[michelle23]

If your not okay with it, you have asked him not to do it and he hasn't listened then you should end this. It sounds like overall you are not sexually compatible. Sex shouldn't be a topic you argue over and get upset about. He gets annoyed with you because your tired but he could have gone to bed with you an hour earlier when you wernt tired.. like seriously wtf.. perhaps he has some avoidance intimacy issue and tries to make it look like your the problem

[allie29]

We started living together about two months ago but I noticed it even when I stayed over. Now I'm here everyday its just that much worse. We have great sex and lots of it generally and he's probably the first guy I've been with who actually seems to legitimately care about his partners needs which I love. It's one thing to know your partner's enjoying himself without you but you don't need to know when that is. I did ask him if it's different when someone's not watching vs when he's on his own and he said yes, a little. It's more the fact that I get up, come back into the room and he's hard at it and it just makes me feel weird. I don't know. I'll have to say something again and ask him to try and save it for when I won't be around or have a chance of walking in. If he wanted morning sex I'd be all good for that most mornings, just not everyday. Have to keep things exciting and not just a routine. I think he has an extremely high sex drive and that's not helping the issue, plus he's only had the one long term sexual partner and maybe that's all he knows. I'd probably place myself up in the higher category for females when it comes to sex drive but I don't have the need to rub one out everyday if I'm getting proper action.

Thanks for the opinions. Glad I'm not just over thinking like I know I can sometimes

[smackie9]

This isn't about the lack of sex, or not getting it when he wants it. You need to look at the behavior. Stop making excuses for him. Having more sex with him or having sex at required times is not going to fix this....he needs therapy.

[searock]

I agree, he isn't doing this because he isn't getting enough sex... if it was just for that, he could still do it privately. He deliberately does it when he knows that you will walk in on him and it's obviously making you uncomfortable. This needs to stop.

[Pinta77]

Well... one time my partner said she wanted to watch me masturbate. And I did and that was like a thing we agreed on and just did once or twice..

But this seems like a problem.. It seems like he wants you to see. Like he's going out of his way to make sure you see him masturbating. I say you need to find out why.

Basically, if it doesn't bother you, so be it I suppose. To each there own. But if it does bother you, well.. you gotta tell him that this is a serious problem.

[smiling100]

Sounds like you're sexually incompatible.

Why does he need therapy? He sounds like a healthy guy who has a high sex drive & masturbates lots? Thing is he is not respecting your wishes.

The fact you are talking about it on a online forum isn't a good sign.



Good luck

[michelle23]

I dont think this behavior reflects a high sex drive. It could be more of an anxiety/stress thing that became a habit when he was younger. Thats why smackie recommended therapy

[dem862]

Wait. This is his home too. If you don't like watching it, then don't watch. Leave the room or whatever. Why are you trying to control his sexuality? If you walk in on him and he is eating a snack without you, do you make a big deal about that too? Would you make him eat meals only with you, or make him do it somewhere you can't see him eat? Guys like to have orgasms for many, many reasons. Not just for intimacy. It helps to wake up in the morning. It helps to go to bed at night. It helps to relieve anxiety/stress. For many guys, it feels like an itch that won't go away until it gets scratched. Sometimes you need to just rub one out a quickly and not get involved in the whole lovemaking/romance thing.