We have a serious problem with attachment here. HELP!

[basilandthyme]

All this discussion about 'attachment styles'...you're making it far more complicated than it needs to be.

The whole issue here is simply about recognising that we can't change another person - and figuring out whether or not you can accept her as it is.

[Valixy]

Are you sure that she has ''attachment issues'' or she just hasn't become totally involved emotionally yet? Some women may seem aloof for some time until they totally fall in love. The emotional connection is just being established in the first months, imo, and opening up is a gradual process that intensifies as you both start feeling closer to one another.

I understand that this can be a bit frustrating especially if you've reached a certain emotional intensity before she does, but maybe you should just give her a bit more time. Totally conquering her heart might take a bit longer, that's all. The roles may even change after a while, she might be looking for that total emotional fusion, while you'll seem more detached.

Thinking about this, I've personally needed a few months until I totally fell in love. Me ex-boyfriends were just pleased that we were together and knew that time was on going to be on their side, I suppose :-)

[MrLoyal]

No at the start the intensity moved quite fast. It has faded as we got closer. She admitted to me yesterday she does have these avoidant attachment issues and its about time she did something about it. She even sought out her own diagnosis years ago when she hit walls in a previous relationship.

I've read its very hard to revert this but it is possible.

I just have to consider whether she is worth the wait, I am quite patient but only time will tell.

Maybe Basil is right. I don't purposely seek out broken girls it just seems to happen that way. A wise man told me its a numbers game. I may end up with broken women so often because all the secure women are already in secure loving relationships.

[Valixy]

No at the start the intensity moved quite fast. It has faded as we got closer. She admitted to me yesterday she does have these avoidant attachment issues and its about time she did something about it. She even sought out her own diagnosis years ago when she hit walls in a previous relationship.

I've read its very hard to revert this but it is possible.

I just have to consider whether she is worth the wait, I am quite patient but only time will tell.

If she's admitted that she might have a problem, that's something to appreciate. Not everyone is so brave. Many people start doing disappearing acts that could leave one quite confused. Hopefully you'll get over this together but if you continue feeling that your emotional needs aren't met, then you aren't in the right relationship and you shouldn't allow yourself to get hurt.

I may end up with broken women so often because all the secure women are already in secure loving relationships.

I disagree :-) There are many people who are in so called secure loving relationship that actually stopped working many years ago but they have a house and children together, etc. You just need to keep looking for the right one. Good luck.

[MrLoyal]

Thanks. As I said I guess time will tell. It all depends on her willingness to change or get help and my tolerance to it all.

Time will tell.