Lets hear it!

[ribka]

Hi Guys, I would like to get some feedback on this. I was in a relationship with my EX for a bit over a year. We had a circle of mutual friends that we hung out with once in a while. We broke up for various reasons and a few months have passed by. I then started dating one of my EX’s friends that I have met on a few occasions. The problem is that the girl I am dating currently is still sort of keeping the whole thing secret. All of our mutual friends have been suspecting that something is up and now everyone including my EX knows that we are dating but mainly because they figured it out on their own. I don’t have a problem with this; I don’t feel like we should hide from anybody. It’s been a few months since we started dating and to this day the girl I am dating will not post any pictures of us together, won’t talk about it etc. I feel like the proper way would have been for her to just come clean with everyone and deal with the fallout instead of dragging this out and hiding our relationship. Obviously her and my old EX are not friends any loner because of this and there is lots of drama going on. I am playing it cool and keeping a level head here and just seeing where this leads but I also don’t want to be a jerk and overreact and kick a good thing to the curb for no reason. Most people would consider us BF/GF at this point, we hang out together almost every day. My gut is telling me if she is willing to go behind everyone’s back like this she will do it to anyone down the road again. Is this girl potential long term relationship material?

[Maple1714]

Your new girl is just scared. You said it yourself...she and your ex are no longer friends and there is a lot of drama. Yes, she should have come clean to your ex and your friends earlier. She should have had a conversation with her face to face...but that was obviously too difficult for her to do. How old are you both?

Cut the new girl some slack. Sounds like she is just doing the best she can...some people aren't good with confrontation. You are also responsible for creating this situation; why didn't you come clean to your mutual friends and ex girlfriend? You need to stick up for the new girl, and not just stay out of it. You are just as responsible as she is.

[ribka]

Your new girl is just scared. You said it yourself...she and your ex are no longer friends and there is a lot of drama. Yes, she should have come clean to your ex and your friends earlier. She should have had a conversation with her face to face...but that was obviously too difficult for her to do. How old are you both?

Cut the new girl some slack. Sounds like she is just doing the best she can...some people aren't good with confrontation. You are also responsible for creating this situation; why didn't you come clean to your mutual friends and ex girlfriend? You need to stick up for the new girl, and not just stay out of it. You are just as responsible as she is.

All the mutual friends are really her friends, they were all friends together way before i was in the picture. We are both in our late 20's. I was pushing her to come clean from the beginning and she said she would but it never happened. If i would have "come clean" to everyone without her approval i would look like i am betraying her wishes now i think.... So what now, say 3 more months go by are we supposed to just keep hiding this from everyone, the thing that everyone knows and suspects anyway. Its just getting a bit tiring on my end. Like we go on trips, take pictures etc but cant share them with anyone.

[Maple1714]

Hmmm...well that's a little different of situation now that you put it that way. Give it a little more time. You have told the new girl how you feel about all of this correct? If you see no changes in her over the next month...if she still tries to hide your relationship then that's not a good sign. She's not really respecting or caring about your feelings if she neglects to make a change. Is it really that big of a deal anyway? Dating within the same social circle is hard sometimes.

Just give it another month, no longer, and if she still hides your relationship then it might be time to move on.

[nico88]

She's probably just not comfortable with the relationship yet. And with all that drama going on she probably doesn't want to fuel the fire by posting pics of you guys or boasting about your relationship. She might be worried others may see that as her "rubbing it in" so to speak. I know if I was in her shoes I'd probably feel weird about dating one of my friend's ex's..just go easy on her and give her some time