My Relationship Blues

[LuvConquersAll]

I loved you
And you loved me back
Then you asked me out
And we got into a relationship
You became my first boyfriend
And we both shared our 1st Kiss together

Everything went great with no fights or anything else bad
You seemed happy
I was happy
You gave me flowers & took me on a date for Valentine's Day
And I gave you a special handmade card and a few gifts for your birthday
You said "Thanks honey for all the gifts. Loved the card" & made me happy

Then almost 2 weeks later after school
I was with my friend and you texted me saying "I need to talk to you"
We met in front of one of the school stairs, & began hugging
Then you said "I think it'd be better if we just went back to being best friends instead"
I was heartbroken & surprised, but acted like it wasn't the biggest deal
Then I walked him to his meeting, went home in the rain, and cried for many days

That was almost 3 months ago
Three months in a few days
I still have feelings for you
But I don't know if you do anymore
You confuse me with signs that say you still like me
But I don't know if I should get my hopes up

We're still best friends
And I'm glad the relationship never killed our friendship
Then we were both invited to a friend's party and both went
It took you a while to show up due to other conflicts
The others had said mean things about you before you got here
I defended you because I didn't like what they were saying

I talked with you a little bit after you arrived
But because we didn't sit very close to each other, I talked with my friend more
You talked with some of my other friends who were attending as well
We all stayed out late, until you had to leave
As you were leaving, one of my friends yelled "I love you!" to you; all the other girls laughed at her
After some silence, you said "I love you too" but I couldn't tell if you meant it fully or was just going along with it


Then she said she would ask our friend (the host) for your number
And you said you would give it to her now
So she ran towards you and you gave it to her & she gave you her number
She said she would text you a lot all the time and laughed
Then you left for home
She came back to where we'd been sitting

When we got up and went onto the lit porch
My friend (the host) went inside her house for a minute with 2 other girls
I casually told the girl that we'd dated
I said, "You know, we actually dated before"
Then she said "I'm sorry I'd flirted with him in front of you"
When the girls came out, she told one of her friends she now felt weird that she did that in front of me.

I told her it didn't really matter
But really, it did
Because I still love you
And haven't gotten over our breakup
Seeing her flirt with you throughout the night, I tried ignoring it
And it worked until that one moment.

I know I shouldn't be jealous like this
But I'm filled with sadness again, and can't help it
I'll move on sooner or later
Because I sometimes feel like you already have
I didn't make a big deal out of what happened with the other girl
Because I can't control what happens with you and other girls

[MrLoyal]

Good read. Is there anything you would like to ask the forum?

[LuvConquersAll]

Good read. Is there anything you would like to ask the forum?

Thanks. Um... maybe how should I go about getting over my jealousy? The boyfriend mentioned in this just happens to be my best friend as well. And, as said in my poem-like story, that girl's flirting with him hit me harder than I thought it would.

[Rowen]

Thanks. Um... maybe how should I go about getting over my jealousy? The boyfriend mentioned in this just happens to be my best friend as well. And, as said in my poem-like story, that girl's flirting with him hit me harder than I thought it would.

Excellent question...

The best you can do, in my opinion, is explore just why you feel jealousy.... I'm not talking about fearing that he'll be tempted but WHY you feel he might be tempted. Do you feel like you're not good enough for him, subconsciously? Do you not trust him? Once you figure out why, then you can begin work on dealing with it.

Either way, in a relationship you need to have two basic things- trust and equality. If you don't have those and aren't able to subconsciously put him on a pedestal or trust him to not to do anything hurtful to you when you're not there...then you're in for a lot of heartache on both sides with a truly unhealthy relationship.

So, figure out the why. And then try to think of ways to reassure yourself and give him room to breathe and be trusted.

[sunrisesunset]

Jealousy is like relationship cryptonite.

[Rowen]

Jealousy is like relationship cryptonite.

I agree, but only if it depends on how much of it there is.. If the person you're jealous over you're not insanely jealous over (and it occurs very, very rarely), then it's healthy to show you care.. But otherwise, you're dead right.

[LuvConquersAll]

I agree, but only if it depends on how much of it there is.. If the person you're jealous over you're not insanely jealous over (and it occurs very, very rarely), then it's healthy to show you care.. But otherwise, you're dead right.

I know for my situation there were two reasons I'd gotten jealous. One was certainly because I still harbor feelings for him. The other was just because I knew the girl who flirted with him that night really wasn't the type of girl I'd see him hanging out with, much less dating. She is one of those girls who flirts with any and every boy she decides to flirt with. In my opinion, she's kind of a player in some ways.

And it is very true that I care about him. After all he's my best friend and that's what best friends do for each other. Be there in times of need and care about them.

[Rowen]

Again, evaluate why you feel jealousy... There's something deeper here.

[LuvConquersAll]

I'm going to go out on a wide limb and guess, Obsession? I don't really think it is that. I know another girl who is far into that stage with him because he rejected going out with her. Even he's admitted many times he believes she's obsessed with him. But I don't think I'm there.

I will admit now I believe I'm finally beginning to get over him now! It only took a little over 3 months for this day to arrive.

[Rowen]

I wasn't really thinking obsession- more like subconscious feelings of inadequacy. Because when you put someone on a shelf above you, that's when you get into feeling a little bit threatened whenever something goes wrong.

I'm glad you're starting to get over it all, though. Congrats!