He's emotionally selfish.

[sweetsoul]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. He really is a great guy, amazing guy! I adore him and want to make him the happiest man alive! I feel strongly that if both people put the other one before themselves then you can only be happy, more connected, grow stronger, deeper, more connected! Practicing unconditional love is a lot of work but it's worth it and what I feel we are called to do. I am not perfect and I don't always do this but I do try to love him unconditionally, it is my desire. If I'm hurt or mad, I still try to make sure he always feels loved. I am never mean or hurtful towards him. He on the other hand is not that way with me. I want to start off by saying, He is the MOST sweet and loving man to me. He showers me with love, attention, sweet words... but if something triggers his mood, he can become so angry and so very mean. He is very generous with me except when it comes to emotionally. He is emotionally selfish and only cares about his own feelings if we get into a disagreement. Sometimes I feel so sad and heartbroken, I can't hold the tears back. I try so hard not to cry because crying makes him only more mad.. but my heart literally hurts so bad and I can't help it. I want my best friend to feel like a best friend but I can't trust him emotionally and it really breaks my heart. It's come to the point where I feel like I can't go to him with my feelings or thoughts, which is so sad and unhealthy. I feel like I need to put my feelings on the back burner and cater to him. Talking through things is what I need, it makes me feel closer to him but he gets frustrated and very impatient when I want to "talk". What I see as just talking through things, he sees as fighting. It then turns into a real fight. He screams, I cry. I've come to the conclusion that he either doesn't understand the severity of my hurt and pain, (he admits he thinks it's for attention... why???) or he just doesn't care that I'm so hurt. I hate to think he doesn't care, but that is what his actions show when I'm hurting. I wish he could feel my heart for one small moment when I feel that way, I think he would feel so very bad if he knew how bad I felt. I don't think he really understands my hurt, but I don't understand why he would think it's for attention. He does hold on tight to things in his past and my guess is that he experienced someone in his past doing it for attention so automatically thinks I do. Another thing that hurts me, I get punished for what others have done to him. Anyway, I can't fathom his mean behavior. The way he speaks to me, ignores me when he's mad. I could never treat the person I love that way. I try to ask him about it but he just says when he's angry, he only cares about his feelings. Who even admits that and doesn't feel bad? He shows no compassion or empathy towards me. It breaks my heart that the man who says he loves me more than anything and says he wants to spend his life with me can be so cruel to me when I'm hurting. When I'm hurting, he's who I need and want but he is the last person I can go to. I'm so very sad confused. Can anyone help me understand why he is like this to the person he loves?

[nico88]

The fact that he gets angry at you when you cry is sort of scary to me. If a person you care about is hurt and upset it's only human nature for you to want to comfort them. Even in the heat of the moment if I seen my girl crying over something I did to her, I'd stop in my tracks and try to calm the situation down and apologize to her.

Is he emotionally abusive to you at all? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. But his anger is something you need to look out for. The logical thing to do would be to go to counseling and I mean that could help with his anger and help him be there for you emotionally, but I feel if you suggested that you'd probably just piss him off.. have you ever brought something like that up with him before?

[michelle23]

If he hurts you this much then why are you still with him? Your post makes you sound overly emotional and dramatic. I can understand why he would find that irritating but shouting at you is abuse especially if its a regular thing so I dont condone it.

It sounds like your not compatible. There is no such thing as "unconditional love". Healthy love always comes with boundaries and you have to know there are lines you dont let people cross. Sometimes you have to love yourself more and realize the healthier thing is cutting someone from your life

No matter how much you love him, it sounds like hes not good for you. But maybe you need to learn to communicate better without making every little thing one big drama. You dont have to always talk out every little disagreement. Pick your battles if you want him to take you seriously when you need him to

[basilandthyme]

Sweetsoul, at the risk of 'victim blaming' I'm going to say that this is what happens when you put other people's needs above your own. At the very least, you need to put your own needs on an equal level to his. When he's mean, instead of trying to understand, you need to get angry about your own needs for respect etc not being met. Your needs are important and must not come below someone else's.

Also, be careful of this unconditional love thing. Personally, I think that unconditional love (in it's literal sense) is unhealthy. Love SHOULD be conditional upon basics such as getting our needs met, upon being treated with respect, upon being cared for in a loving way. Heck, even dogs will withhold love if they are treated poorly.

I'm suggesting a major rethink of your philosophies. A little bit of selfishness would not go astray.

[searock]

You need to tell him that his behavior is not ok. If you are crying, no matter how angry he is, he needs to calm down and comfort you at least until you stop crying. Then you can talk and there is absolutely no need to shout at each other.

Have you tried talking to him about this issue when you are both calm? Does he get angry just because you mention it?

[Sonrisa]

is there a chance that you act childish and that in turn annoys him and drives him mad? what's your age difference with him? there are so many factors to consider before you decide to listen to those ^^^^^^ comments.

[MrLoyal]

Paragraphs please!