Why don't women want to date a single dad

[Rowen]

I'm curious to know how is that going for you Rowen?

Well..er.... I'll tell you over PM so I don't derail the thread anymore than I already have?

[chinagirl]

Well..er.... I'll tell you over PM so I don't derail the thread anymore than I already have?

Great... I'm only curious cause my BF is also a single dad. Thanks!

[countrysailor]

I do understand your statement about the social belief of women always having the children. I wasn't going to bring it up but I have even been accused of wrong doing by taking the kids away from their mother, and I am a monster for doing so. Its amusing how they forget that I had mentioned that it was she that decided she no longer wanted them. She made the decision to stop being a mother and wife so I filed for the divorce and gave her the freedom she wanted. The way I see it, its better for the kids to have no mom than to have one that's around and doesn't care about them.

[Stay 2gether]

It seems to me like maybe you just have not met the rite women yet because a real women would love the fact that her man is a independent father its already bad enough alot of fathers are not in their kids lives so i would love the fact that the man in my life chose to be a father so i say you should just sit back enjoy your time with your children and the rite lady will come along one that will know what you are worth and would love to help you take care of your children rather she has any of her own or not

[woody]

In regards to dating single parents,

(finally, something I have personally experienced)
and we have remained friends though at a distance and we remained friends not just due to getting along but for the sake of his young children.
O.P, when he told me he had two young kids and was going through an ugly divorce, I admit, I was stumped with a mountain of concerns. The last thing I wanted was to get in the middle of an irate Mum and a uber protective Dad. Then I met his kids and well, my heart melted and I became goo. They liked me and I liked them and their Father was a good man.

Their divorce was one of those nasty ones you hear about but never believe actually exists. I felt more like a counsellor for him and his kids and even eventually his ex wife who thankfully liked me but thought I was crazy for being with him, she appreciated my presence.

Sorry, getting personal there.
An answer. Okay. Seeing this man fight for his children, for at least half custody (and it was a fight,) made me like him even more. I respected greatly his perseverance and will power to do what is right.
I loved that he dawned on a apron and cooked cookies and good meals; he was/is a great Father.

So, to answer your question 'why do women have issue with dating single dAd's?' Well, I think you just need to wait until you meet the right one.
and when you do, take things slow. One thing I appreciated with my ex was he took time to introduce me to his kids which told me he was protective and not just throwing various women at them for substitute mom material. I liked this.
Once you meet her, and if things go well and if she takes on the role of Mom, then you must respect her insights as well. It's allot to do, to allow one's heart to become Mom or Dad to a beautiful child who does not share your DNA but in my opinion, the connections can be great.

Also, once you meet her and she takes on role of Mama and your kids start to look at her like Mama, you must respect her opinions about raising them. Say, she scolds them (lightly) for running across a busy street while chasing a ball. Well, you need to back her up.
As well, NEVER bash the bio Mom. Women don't like that and it isn't good for the kids either. She is who they came through. This is sacred and must always be cherished.

good luck and sorry this is so long

[countrysailor]

Your response isn't to long.
I know it will be a joint decision on when she will meet the kids, I kind of figure we should have gone out on at least 4 or 5 dates to make sure we are compatible with each other.

I will say I am happy we didn't have a messy divorce, here in Washington if both parties agree to everything we are able to file online and everything be done in about 90 days. Unfortunately ours took abit longer, I had to do a write up explaining why I was declining child support from her and then we had to redo our parenting plan cause the judge didn't like that I was listed at 100% custody so we fudged it to 75/25.

I try to never say anything bad about her, especially in front of the kids. I do find it hard to explain it to people. Its hard to tactfully say she got tired of being a mom and wanted out.

[woody]

Oh man, I am sorry your kids are going through such a fragile emotion of abandonment. It is rare for a Mum to walk away like that.
My Dad walked away from me. ( over it now but as a child I would lie to my friends about his whereabouts and why he left) It was tough to say the least and imply much more.

I hope your kids are ok. A delicate situation indeed.

Yes I sense you would not verbally bash the bio Mum even though she walked away like that. Good, high roads always better.

You will meet the right woman. Let it happen naturally. I would imagine that when you do meet her, she'll be even more heartfelt and protective of them (and you) knowing Bio Mum isn't really even in the picture.

Your future lady is out there somewhere right now.

Hey, I think it's great what your doing.
Father's are important and we have much to learn from our Fathers when we're kids. It is a sad thing when the courts often rule in favour of Mumsy's even when it isn't the best choice. so hey, well done.

good luck

[countrysailor]

Thanks for the encouragement.

Honestly I'm not sure how the kids truly feel about it. Its been two years but they never ask about her or even talk about her. At least not in front of me or my folks. When ever I take them clothes shopping or something and someone says something like your mom will think that's cute all they say is "mommy don't live with us anymore" and they leave it at that.

[edwardsla]

the line they dont want baby mama drama is totally 100 percent bullshit if a girl is a ride or die girl for ya she'll do whatever it takes to be with you

[Sonrisa]

Rowen is gay???

[Rowen]

Rowen is gay???

Lmao You didn't know?
I'm not sure if we met when I first joined last year, so hey there. haha *waves*


EDIT: I would agree that some women (and men if it were a single mother or a gay/bi single father) would use the "I don't want drama" card to get out of it. However, there still are some that look at it as an awkward situation they'd rather not get involved in because they know the ex might possibly have visiting rights and be around quite often. I'm not saying this fear of drama is justified, but I've known a few guys and girls that didn't want to even go out on a date because of that- they feared that things might be awkward.

At the same time, china brought up a great point to me over PM and I later talked about it with my one friend- in some cases, it's a fear of coming in between the father/mother and the child. So, you kind of have to walk on eggshells when you meet the child/children at first...make it known that you're not trying to replace anyone but that you'd like to be a neutral territory with a positive and (hopefully) close relationship with them. In my opinion, some people aren't necessarily capable of maintaining that kind of order and/or are afraid of either being unfair to the partner or the child...or even both. Not to mention, there are instances where the attention from the parent is shared and the child reacts pretty negatively, especially when there's marriage talk involved.

I'm not sure where things will go with Ed, but for now it seems alright. I just think the fears above are a little irrational, but that's just me.

[Starnique]

the line they dont want baby mama drama is totally 100 percent bullshit if a girl is a ride or die girl for ya she'll do whatever it takes to be with you

Yeah, I can get with this. BUT haven gone thru baby mama drama and also having dished a little out myself, I can tell you that the drama gets old real fast and most women who have shit going for themselves don't have time for some baby mama that the guy cant control, probably because he's still ****ing her. #Facts. Been there and did it.

OP situation is different though. If a chic cant accept your life for what it is, you deserve better. Your babies deserve better. Don't give up. Someone is out there. Trust me, its really people that don't mind. I have a daughter and I haven't ran into that problem and if I did, **** him.

[junkmale]

I had the experience the other way round, which I expect is a lot more common. I dated a woman with a two year old kid for about two years. The kid made life a little more complicated but I sort of became his Dad. Unfortunately, things didn't work out between us and I felt like a dog for letting HIM down not her! I guess this is one of the potential pitfalls of this lind of relationship, whther its with a single Dad or Mum