Why don't women want to date a single dad

[countrysailor]

Ok, I'm a single father of two kids, both are school age. The mother has little to no interest in them and has only seen them twice in the two years since she left and that was mostly because her mother wanted to see them.

Ok, I have been trying to go out and meet someone, out and about in person and using dating apps. I have talked to a number of gals and I keep getting responses similar to, "I don't date single dads". I have even gotten this response from single moms.

Now I am trying to figure out why so many woman wont date a single dad. Yes I have been told they are worried about drama from their mom and it doesn't seem to matter that she is completely out of their lives. I am also trying to figure out, why single moms are like this. If they are worried about drama from the mom, shouldn't they also think that any guy they may like would have the same worries about the father of her kids? Call me crazy but it seems like a bit of double standard.

So any thoughts on this, I am really interested to hear from the single moms.

[vashti]

I don't blame ANYONE who prefers to date someone without kids... If you have ever had a serious relationship with a parent of someone else's kids, I doubt you would question this... It is 1000x harder than dating someone without.

[countrysailor]

Actually I have experienced it. I had 1 serious relationship after my divorce, an old friend that was a single mom. I thought everything was going great, my kids love her and her daughter, I was more than ready to raise her as my own. But then she pulled away and told me she wasn't ready for a committed relationship.

[Sonrisa]

vashti... you are here... yay!!!

and women do date single dads if they are attracted to them. I think they might be saying that to spare your feelings. a picture would help us decide on that.

[surfhb]

How old are you? Shit! I figured a single dad with a non existent ex would be a pussy magnet to other single moms

It shows you have balls, are a man and responsible.

[chinagirl]

I'm a single mom and I'm dating a single dad. But Vashti is right though... I've dated a single guy without any kids nor ex, it's definitely a lot easier. No kid or ex drama. But there is a downside to dating a guy without any kid because he doesn't understand how it is to be a parent and was always questioning my parenting decisions. So I dumped him.

[countrysailor]

I'm 34. Perhaps it could be but I am only interested in meaningful long term relationships.

As for my looks, I would say I'm a good 7.5 to an 8, I have had women approach me so I can't be to bad looking :p unfortunately even thought they approached me they quickly loose interest when I bring up being a father.

One thing about some of these online dating things such as OkCupid is the questionnaires. One of the questions is if they would date a single father/mother and it surprised me the number of people that said no. Especially those that were single moms.

Personally I think I would prefer to date a single mom because they know what it takes to raise children. I also have no problem having dates involving the kids, picnic at the park or something like that. I am a family man and I do enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

[chinagirl]

Personally I think I would prefer to date a single mom because they know what it takes to raise children. I also have no problem having dates involving the kids, picnic at the park or something like that. I am a family man and I do enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

I couldn't agree more with you on this having had experience with both.

Good luck in your search.

[rest77]

If it was before, i would have said YES ( Because i thought, if i love a guy, it just doesn't matter if he had kids. I just have to love the kids the same ). I was there before and would not do it again! It was a single dad with two kids. The drama was too much.

Besides the kids drama, i remember anytime we had a little bit of argument, he will take his kids out for fun or whatever and i will not hear from him for days. Except for the fact that he will be sending me emails giving me updates on how they are having hot chocolate drink, having fun and happy! . This guy actually did Vasectomy after those two kids.

And i have also come to discover that a lot of single dads with kids have no interest in dating single mums, fair enough, right?

So, i have actually asked some of the single dads that were interested in me, Why is it that you prefer to date a single woman instead of a single mum, being that you have kids yourself? And they always tell me there will be less drama with a single woman than single mums. Am like, same here! Having to please to 3 people in a relationship rather than 1 isn't going to be that easy.

[countrysailor]

It sucks you went through that. I know if was dating someone I would always want to include them with any fun activities I had planned with the kids, or at least ask if they would want to join us, I feel that is part of being in a relationship.

I did end up doing allot of fun days out without the ex when I was still married. When ever I tried to plan a family fun day, zoo, water park, aquarium or something like that she would always drag her feet when it came time to leaving, not getting dressed or just straight out saying she didn't feel like going anywhere. So after awhile I started saying fine, and told her the kids and I were going out and if she wanted to join us good if not we would see her when we got home.

Maybe I just have a different mind set about the subject.

I haven't had a vasectomy yet, while I have considered getting one I thought I would hold off until I am in the right relationship. If I end up with a single gal that wants kids of her own I would be more than happy to father another child or two, and if I end up with a single mom that doesn't want anymore than what we already have, then I will get it done.

[hatesthis]

I don't know why, I have never dated a single dad, or been approached by a single dad and asked out before, but if the guy was nice, polite, and we meshed I would go out on a date with him.

Single dad wouldn't factor in when it comes to just going out for a date. I think maybe they don't want the baby mama drama that might follow, idk or maybe if worry what if he is the one for them and there is already a ready made family on his side and she wants her husband and her to create their 1st child together and a single dad has already done that with another woman. Idk. Everyone probably has different reasons as to why.

[vashti]

Actually I have experienced it. I had 1 serious relationship after my divorce, an old friend that was a single mom. I thought everything was going great, my kids love her and her daughter, I was more than ready to raise her as my own. But then she pulled away and told me she wasn't ready for a committed relationship.

See, from my perspective, I don't see how you have the time to nurture a real relationship when having custody of two young kids. Anyone who dates you is going to have to be willing to move right into the parent role, and if your kids don't resent that yet, they eventually will. They have already experienced abandonment by a mother and a girlfriend of yours. Do you not see how that is emotionally damaging? Emotionally damaged kids usually act out as teenagers, and people in the step parent role are often their primary target.

[countrysailor]

See, from my perspective, I don't see how you have the time to nurture a real relationship when having custody of two young kids. Anyone who dates you is going to have to be willing to move right into the parent role, and if your kids don't resent that yet, they eventually will. They have already experienced abandonment by a mother and a girlfriend of yours. Do you not see how that is emotionally damaging? Emotionally damaged kids usually act out as teenagers, and people in the step parent role are often their primary target.

Using that train of thought it would almost sound as if you are suggestion that single parents should remain single. I believe I can nurture a healthy relationship, I am lucky enough to have family here where I live that will watch my kids for me so I can go out. I know not everyone has that option so I am lucky that I do.

No relationship is ever easy, and I don't expect the person I get involved with to fullfil a motherly roll unless she feels that she is ready for that level of commitment. As far as the kids go, to them she can simple be daddies friend.

[Rowen]

How old are you? Shit! I figured a single dad with a non existent ex would be a pussy magnet to other single moms

It shows you have balls, are a man and responsible.

Okay, I'm not a woman, but I'm going to throw my two cents in and hope it's not weird... :S

^ I agree with surf. I've always actually found them to be more responsible and genuine.
It's that maturity and sweetness to them raising a child on their own, but maybe I just think that way because I've always wanted kids when I'm older.

At the same time, I think of it as a double standard in general in the dating world because single parents, in my observations, are less acceptable than someone who just works a lot. It's like dating someone with two full time jobs, like Vashti said, but it sucks that someone would rather date a person who literally works two jobs instead of dating a parent... :S

But, I still agree that the double standard is also there for men. I think it's a case of where society has this view of how things have been- that it's always women with children, right? And, they have that view because, ever since the medieval times, it's been "protect the women and the children while the men go off and do their thing." And, no, that belief is not right... It produced a sacred status for the bond between mother and child...but it ignores father and child. So, honestly, I find it completely acceptable- and actually appealing- that a man is a single Dad.

But, if you date anyone who is a single parent, you need to be extremely understanding of their life. You need to work with them...not against them.


*coughs**coughs*Wasn't really planning on telling anyone this, but..plot twist. I've been seeing a single father since March.. >.>*coughs**coughs*

[chinagirl]

*coughs**coughs*Wasn't really planning on telling anyone this, but..plot twist. I've been seeing a single father since March.. >.>*coughs**coughs*

I'm curious to know how is that going for you Rowen?